Book Questions

Okay, my well-read friends (I know you all are!!), I need your help. I’ve been asked to teach a class on literature at a Relief Society Meeting (formerly known as Enrichment, formerly known as Homemaking). I am not going to talk about what is “appropriate” and what is not because I believe that is something that is different to each person and something you kind of have to figure out for yourself. Obviously I’m not going to promote erotica (Can you imagine?).

I believe I was asked to teach this class not because of my expertise in literature but because I am such a voracious reader. I read more than just about anyone I know. I read fast, so I’m able to read several books a week. And I hunger for books. Seriously, it’s a hunger. If I don’t have a book to read I freak out a little bit and that’s not good for my anxiety.

Anyway, I’ve been asked to focus on adult literature and another woman is going to talk about children’s literature. We’re thinking of splitting young adult. We’re probably actually going to team teach a lot of that together. Our total amount of time is 40 to 45 minutes.

I want to talk a bit about how to find your style of reading material. I know there are a lot of women out there who don’t consider themselves “readers”, and they are often afraid to try something new. I am going to give recommendations of books, and talk a bit about Goodreads and how it can be such a good source to find what you want. (By the way, if you aren’t on Goodreads, check it out. I love it. If you are on Goodreads and we aren’t friends, please add me!!) If you have any suggestions on what to talk about, let me know.

What I would like from YOU is to please answer these three questions:
1) What are your all time favorite books? (or what do you consider to be “must reads”)
2) What is your favorite style to read?
3) When looking for a new book to read, what do you look for? (For example, do you use book lists? Certain people’s recommendations? Do you just browse through a stack in the library until something strikes you as interesting? Do you stick with certain authors? That kind of thing.)

And if you are local (meaning, in my ward!), be sure that you come on February 18th. Yummy food, good class (I hope. heh.), and if you don’t want to come to the class (I won’t be offended or hurt in any way! I promise!!) we are putting together hygiene kits for the Humanitarian Center. The current stash has been depleted with what all has been sent to Haiti, so we need to help out and get more kits made and sent in! See you all there!

Check Your Ego

At orchestra rehearsal Thursday night our director gave a little lecture about egos. He hates them, he says he can smell them, and it stinks like nothing else. He does not allow egos in his choirs or orchestra, so if you have an ego, get rid of it now. We can not play/rehearse/perform well as an ensemble with individual egos getting in the way.

I totally agree, and in theory I have no problems with what he said. Too I have seen instrumentalists with these huge egos (and never quite the same amount of talent to back it up) treat the other musicians around them as if they were still in beginning band and too stupid to really “get” the music like they do. In one of our first rehearsals last fall a member of the orchestra had a question about a chord that was being played and was it correct? As our director looked in the score, this orchestra member said in what I perceived as a very know-it-all voice, “I’m a conductor so I’m trained to hear these things.” I rolled my eyes. The majority of us in that room are classically trained musicians with higher degrees in music. We are all trained to “hear these thing”. Sheesh. Get rid of the ego and just have fun with the rest of us, please.

It’s not hard for someone like me to get rid of the ego. I’m not that talented (I’m not kidding, so I don’t want to hear in the comments anything saying otherwise. I just work my butt off to play mediocre. Seriously. I’ve known this about myself for about 20 years.) and I consistently need more practice and more help than others. I’m usually okay with this. I enjoy playing in a good ensemble more than anything, and I’m willing to put in the extra effort so I can play decently. I have never been a first chair, I have never been a section leader, I have never been the principle player. I have never won any awards for my playing other than “participant” and I have never been the one sought out for solos. Even at church. I’m not that great. I just love it. I feel so blessed to have even made this orchestra, an honestly I think I’m in it because it was brand new and not enough flute players auditioned in the first place. Once you’re in, you’re in.

I had a major blow to what little ego I had at the first rehearsal a week ago because after I sat down and started to warm up and such, I was informed that the directors had decided to bring in a 4th flute. A piccolo player. I was disappointed because I had been practicing my piccolo so that I could comfortable play it in this concert. And the 2nd flute was more than willing to split the piccolo parts with me. But that’s okay, I thought. Now I can concentrate on my flute. No worries. The thing is, they don’t want her just sitting there, bored, so we have to double our parts. Normally I don’t have a problem with that. I’m used to playing in bands where you have more than one player per part anyway. However, in orchestra, you usually have 2 flutes and once piccolo who plays the occasional 3rd flute part. There are not 4 flute parts. So now I’m either doubling the 2nd flute part or the 3rd flute part and I’m feeling pretty superfluous. The piccolo player is obviously more talented than I am. I am feeling like I am only still here because they told us “Once you’re in, you’re in.” I feel like I have to fight to prove that I belong here.

The hardest thing about being a musician is learning when to let go. We are taught to play with perfection. Anything less than perfect just will not do. That is why we will spend weeks and weeks learning one piece of music. We will spend an hour in the practice room perfecting one measure. We do not stop until it’s perfect, and we aren’t happy until we can do it perfectly. I don’t know that it’s entirely healthy, but that’s the way it is. So when something happens and you have to just let it go, it’s hard. And whatever little bit of an ego you had is now completely shot.

I have to let go of this idea that I’m not needed in this orchestra and I’m some kind of “pity” member. I have to remind myself that I did audition and they didn’t tell me “no”. They accepted me. They didn’t have to. I’m sure they could have found other flutists to take my spot if the directors didn’t like my audition in the first place. I have to let go and practice and just do the best I can.

I checked my ego at the door. And now, I’m off to practice some more.

Life of Mom

The thing about being a full time mom is that it is just that. Full time. You never get a break. You never get a day off. You never get a vacation. You may go on vacation, but (and especially if you’re with your family), you are still on duty the entire time. You are still rounding up meals and taking care of imagined and real hurts to the child. You are still disciplining and entertaining.

When children get sick, they get to stay home from school, lay on the couch, and watch movies all day while Mom brings them food and drink, rubs their back and holds their hair during vomiting sessions, drives to doctors and pharmacies, and is at the child’s beck and call for the entire day.

When Dad gets sick, he gets to stay home from work and take long naps and Mom still brings him food and drink and runs errands (which may include doctor’s offices and pharmacies) and tries to keep the kids extra entertained and quiet so Dad can rest up and get better quickly. Mom still has her normal duties of the day, which she does while taking care of sick Dad. Heaven help her if kids and Dad are sick at the same time.

When Mom gets sick, people still have to go to school and lunches still have to be made. Snack still have to be given, and preschoolers still have to be reminded to sit on the potty at regular intervals. Homework still has to be completed, books still have to be read, kids still have to wear clothes. All of this is done by Mom. No one spends the day bringing her fluids or rubbing her back. No one is there to keep the kids quiet or take them to the park so Mom can get a nap.

When Dads go to work, they interact with other adults and get to do something that feels like accomplishment. They bring home a regular paycheck that validates their worth in the workplace.

When Moms stay home, they can go days without talking to another adult, they have to ask for money from their husband, and Mother’s Day is just about the one day of the year where anyone makes a big deal and validates the hard works she has done all year. There are no paychecks, no bonuses, no quarterly evaluations to check up on her.

I’m not complaining at all about the seemingly unfairness of it all. There are rewards beyond measure about staying home with my kids. I’m grateful for it. Life is tough, but having me at home with he kids is one of the only truly good decisions we’ve made.

I’m just sick and would like a true vacation. Is that too much to ask? If you’re a mom, yeah. It really kind of is.

Dallin’s School Photos

Dallin is in preschool this year and just loving it. A photographer came in and did school photos for the kids, but these are not any ordinary photos. These are amazing! She really captured Dallin in each picture. One is mine and Ches’ absolute favorite. I’m sure you’ll be able to guess.

A very special and very big thank you to Jameson Photos. We LOVE these pictures!

(Funny, random, little story here: The husband of the girl who did these photos was a student of Ches’ when he did his student teaching almost 9 years ago. Small world, huh?)

Square 1

I have been working so hard at controlling my temper and letting things just slide off my back rather than getting worked up about it. I have been working hard at making this season about Christmas and finding activities (even if it’s just opening the door to the Advent calendar for another piece of chocolate) so the boys won’t be focused on what they will find under the tree. I have been working hard at getting my house a little more clean and a little more organized. I have been working SO HARD to become a little bit more like the old Sariah that everyone actually liked to be around (myself included).

This morning, I’m right back to square 1. Aiden didn’t finish his homework yesterday, so he had to do it this morning (and I had to check and make sure he had today’s homework done since neither Ches or I will be home at all today). Then I realized I didn’t get laundry done and Aiden doesn’t have any clean jeans to wear. Aiden also managed to leave his jacket on a bench at the playground at school, and it was quite cool this morning. (By the way, I don’t mean it was down to 90 degrees. It was a LOT colder than that this morning. It’s only 36 right now. So save your sarcastic comments for a day when I’m in a better mood, thank you very much.) I got confused and thought Ches was getting paid today. Well, he gets paid next week. So I spent some money yesterday and now I get to take back Harry Potter and a shirt I got just so we can have groceries. Don’t even ask how I’m going to pay the babysitter tonight. Maybe I can just not buy any food (even though we’re out of a lot of stuff we NEED) and use the Harry Potter money to pay the sitter. I’m so mad at myself.

I lost it this morning over and over again. Aiden took 45 minutes to do 20 math problems. That is NOT okay. He’s freaking highly gifted. Why can’t he just focus on the one task and get it done? Instead, he lines up his erasers and makes light sabre sounds. Argh. Parker asked for muffins for breakfast, so I took out the cheap muffin mix we have. I let them cook a little too long because I was brushing Aiden’s hair. Parker wouldn’t eat the muffins. Argh. Dallin asked for cereal for breakfast, and then he told me it was too soggy and he wanted muffins. Wasted a bowl of cereal because by the time I got over to check, the cereal really WAS soggy. Argh.

I’m starting to sound like — and feel like — Alexander who had the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. “I went to bed with gum in my mouth and when I woke up there was gum in my hair.”

I want to move to Australia.

*****
Edit
Right after I hit “publish” on this post, I checked my email and found this. I laughed so hard. It just seems to fit with my mood today, and I wanted to share it with you:

Dr. Phil proclaimed, ‘The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.’

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of an old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

Overwhelmed

In September I received an email from a girl at church saying there is a new choral organization here in the East Valley (called the East Valley Mormon Choral Organization) and they are holding auditions for the adult choir. It also mentioned an orchestra. My interest was suddenly peaked (we all know I don’t sing. I can’t sing. Well, I can. Everyone CAN sing. I just can’t sing well. So of course I was interested in the orchestra).

Not much earlier Ches and I had been discussing our finances and we were busy putting several of our items up for sale on Craigslist. I considered putting my flute up. I just don’t play anymore, I’m not teaching lessons, I let it sit and collect dust. I’m ashamed to say that after all the schooling and work I’ve put into it, this is what happened. I missed playing in a good ensemble. My best memories of university life was playing in the Symphonic Band at Ricks College. I’ve played in lots of other ensembles in high school, at Ricks, and at University of Idaho, but there was something special about Symphonic Band. Maybe it was having Bro. Nielson for a director. Maybe it was rehearsing and performing in the Barrus Concert Hall. Maybe it was opening every rehearsal and performance with a prayer. Whatever it was, I haven’t had that experience anywhere else, at any other time.

So I was missing playing and considering giving up my flute entirely, when I got this email. I decided to give it a shot, and I emailed the organization for information about orchestral auditions. I immediately received an answer… auditions were in two days. TWO DAYS. I spent the next two days madly practicing a couple of pieces and some scales and just praying that I wouldn’t embarrass myself. I figured I had a slim chance of making this orchestra, but you know the saying: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I was so nervous, but the directors, brothers Brett and Brandon Stewart, were friendly and made me feel comfortable. I played, they listened, we talked for a couple of minutes about the pieces and if I knew any other instrumentalists (they were quite excited to hear about my trumpet player husband, but since Ches’ high school concert was scheduled for the same night at this concert, he didn’t audition). They told me I played beautifully, and I was really pleased with the audition.

Because it’s a new organization, it took them a while to find instrumentalists to audition and fill the sections of the orchestra. The first week of November I got the email: I was accepted into the orchestra! I went to my first rehearsal the next week, and found I was playing third flute and piccolo. (I have since passed the picc parts to the other flutists and hope to be able to play them for the next concert. Piccolo and I have a stormy relationship right now). It is a full symphony orchestra. We accompany five choirs (one adult, the rest children’s and youth choirs of differing ages). It is a major thing!

Our concert is this Thursday. We had a major rehearsal this past Saturday. As I play in this orchestra and listen to the different choirs sing, I am overwhelmed. It’s a good feeling, though. I am just amazed at the talent of the people sitting around me. I am amazed at the beauty of this music. I don’t know if I’ll make it through this concert without tears because of all that I feel when I hear this music. It is so awesome to be a part of something so big and beautiful. The other thing I have noticed is how much this reminds me of being at Ricks. I know that this music can be played by any great musicians and it will be beautiful. But it won’t have the same feeling. When we play and the choirs sing, I know the Spirit of the Lord is with us. I can feel it in the depths of my soul. This is no ordinary symphony. These are no ordinary choirs.

I wish that I could have each of you come to my concert. We are performing music that is all about the true meaning of Christmas… we are telling the story of the wondrous birth of our Saviour. I cannot properly put words to my feelings about this. It is all feeling. I want you all there so you can feel what I feel.

I am so blessed to be a part of this organization. There are many times where I feel inadequate as a musician, a mother, a wife or just as a person. I never measure up to what I should be. But when I am sitting in this orchestra, I feel strong. I feel full. I know that I may not be as talented as I wish I was, but I do have talent, and God gave it to me. I am blessed to be able to use that talent in His glory, in His name. It is truly overwhelming to be surrounded by this music and feel His love for me in the midst of playing.

I don’t often get “religious” when I’m talking or writing, but I do not apologize for doing so now. This has been an amazing, overwhelming, spiritual time for me, and I just want to share it with you, my friends.

Happiness Is…

It’s snowing on my blog! I had this put on two years ago, and I honestly can’t remember how to do it. It just shows up in December. It’s fun, huh? (Sorry if it makes loading things slow. It’s only for December, though)

I had a fun time at Book Club last night. We read “The Scarlet Pimpernel”, but only a few of us actually finished the book. We discussed it for a bit, but also discussed “Catching Fire” (the sequel to “The Hunger Games”) and a few other books we had read recently. It’s just fun to sit around with a bunch of friends and talk. At Book Club I don’t feel like a frumpy, stay at home mom. It helps me remember I have a brain. I went to college once and I got a degree. It helps me feel more like Sariah than Mom. I love being Mom, but I miss Sariah.

My brother spent a few months up in Alberta, so when he was leaving and planning on coming down here for a visit, I gave him a list of chocolates and such that we love. We got a box in the mail yesterday, and I just ate an Aero bar. YUM.

I went to the video store today to rent some movies. I wanted the A&E version of “Pride and Prejudice”. You know, the one with Colin Firth. The good version. (Thanks a lot, Alyson!!) Anyway, they didn’t have it, but that’s okay. I got “A Muppet Christmas Carol”, “Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas”, and “The Santa Clause”. Dallin is watching the Mickey Mouse one right now. I can’t wait to watch “A Muppet Christmas Carol” with the boys tonight.

21 days until my birthday. We don’t have any family in town, and since it’s Christmas Eve I don’t expect any friends here to be free to do anything, but I’m still looking forward to celebrating. Ches and my boys always make it special.

I’m just happy today. I have lots of reasons to be happy.

Tis The Season To Watch TV Specials

The December/Christmas TV special season has begun! Tonight we (the entire Phoenix family) watched “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” and “Shrek The Halls” on ABC. We’re really looking forward to next Tuesday when we will watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and the brand new “Prep and Landing”. That last one just looks funny. I love watching Christmas movies and specials on TV. I love getting new movies to watch. It’s just… festive. And fun. I’m pretty sure I’ve gone through my Christmas Must See list before, but I don’t feel like going through my archives to find it. So I’m just going to give you a brief look at my favorites. Here are a few Christmas specials/movies I have to watch every year:

1. A Charlie Brown Christmas
This is the best Christmas special out there. From the entire Peanuts gang dancing around Shroeder’s piano playing to Snoopy as the World War I flying Ace to Charlie Brown “ruining” Christmas with his sparse, little tree… it’s just perfect. My favorite has always been Linus standing on stage, wearing his blanket on his head to look like a shepherd, and telling the Christmas story straight from Scripture. It’s simple. It’s beautiful. I tear up every single time I see it.

2. A Muppet Christmas Carol
I’m a fan of classics, but I’m not a fan of Dickens. He’s just hard to read. However, you can’t have Christmas without a telling of “A Christmas Carol”. There are other versions that I do enjoy, but The Muppets really take the cake. Rizzo the Rat and Gonzo as narrators? Classic. Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchit? I wouldn’t have it any other way. Michael Caine as a serious Scrooge in the midst of these hilarious Muppets? GENIUS. And now that my kids are finally really into the Muppets (the ones *not* on Sesame Street), I am hoping to purchase it so we can watch it over and over.

3. Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean
I was introduced to this by a friend in high school. She brought it in so we could watch it during Music Theory. I don’t know when I laughed harder in my entire life. The show opens with the shot of a beautiful Nativity scene, and Mr. Bean is playing with the figurines. Each figure has come to see the Baby Jesus and as they make noise, the other figures all shush the noise. Even when a helicopter brings in a cow. Oh man, I’m giggling just thinking about it. I love Mr. Bean’s attempt to stuff and cook a turkey. I love the Christmas tree he picks out. It’s all so classically Mr. Bean. If you don’t know this one… run, do not walk, to the video store and rent it today. You just can’t go wrong with Mr. Bean.

4. A Christmas Story
This is another childhood favorite of mine. Ches hates this movie. I know many of you, dear readers, also hate it. But I LOVE IT. I know almost every line. I have no problem double dog daring someone to stick their tongue to a light post (not that it matters here in Arizona). Everytime I see a box (epecially around Christmas time), I must read the word “fra-gee-lay” then say “It must be Italian.” Last year we found little tree lights that were leg lamps. Ches wouldn’t let me get them. Sad! The other day, as we took the kids to Wal-Mart for their complimentary pictures with Santa, I so wanted to teach them each to tell Santa they wanted a Red Rider BB Gun. Ches wouldn’t let me (although he did laugh this time). And I love to sing “Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra…” This is another movie I really, really want to purchase this year.

Here are some of my new favorites:

1. Elf
This is just a funny, heart-warming movie. How can anyone not like Buddy the Elf? “Smiling’s my favorite.” My favorite scene, however, is the duet of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” I’m not normally a Will Ferrell fan, but I love love love this movie.

2. The Holiday
Kate Winslet is one of my favorite actresses. Jack Black is freaking hilarious. Jude Law is hot. Cameron Diaz isn’t normally on my “must see” list, but she’s in a few things I love. This didn’t get that many good reviews, but I like it. Kate Winslet is trying to get over a unrequited love, and Cameron Diaz is trying to get over a cheater and her busy, hectic life, so they switch homes. One is an idyllic English cottage, the other an L.A. mansion. They each learn a lot about themselves and the things that they want or are truly important. It’s a great little chick flick that makes me happy.

3. The Santa Clause
Okay, really, I like all The Santa Clause movies. Tim Allen is funny and I like just about anything that will make me laugh without being embarrassed even a little by the content. I also like that they manage to use all the same actors for all three films. And just the idea of Tim Allen turning into Santa is fun. We’ll be renting this one this weekend (I hope). Or all three.

What are some of your favorites?

Catch-up Monday

I’ve been wanting to do a Random Friday, but Friday just didn’t turn out to be a good day to sit and write on my blog. I know I’ve been horribly neglectful of my little corner of the webiverse, but I have good excuses reasons. Do I have to share them?? Well, once I do all my catch up I’m sure you’ll see.

I’ve tried participating in NaNoWriMo again this year. I was moving slowly in my writing, but it was steady and I honestly thought I would finish all 50,000 words this year. Life just gets in the way, however, and I got behind again. I think I’m giving up for this year. Unless I’m hit by some major inspiration and can throw out 40,000 words in the next few days, it’s just not going to happen. My story wasn’t that great anyway. I struggle to write adequately. I struggle to find the words to go with the pictures and actions in my head. I can do short stories, but drawing things out is just not my strong suit. And people don’t like short stories. You have to already know and love an author to read a book of short stories, usually.

I love to write and I really do want to write and publish a novel someday. However, maybe I’m just not a novel writer. Maybe I should stick to my little blog. Maybe I’m not meant to be a novelist until I’m much older. I just don’t know right now. I’m not sad about it or anything. Just thinking it through. Changing my plans and ideals once again.

*****

I saw New Moon opening night. In fact, I got to do a double feature. Some theatres here were offering a double feature of Twilight and New Moon for just an extra $5. You got early seating and stayed in one theatre for both movies. I went with my friend, Kelly, and had a really good time. We were in the theatre hours and hours before the movie started so we’d have decent seats (last year we were in the second row for Twilight. Let me tell you, that sucked. Big time.). We met some really cool people and had fun talking about all sorts of things… vampires and Twilight and other good books (Gone With the Wind, for one) and book clubs and Surviver and The Amazing Race and places we’ve lived and candy and school… I need to email my new friend. She was cool. Kelly was feeling a little sick, but she lasted through the first movie and most of the second. Thankfully she had actually been to the prescreening Wednesday night, so didn’t feel horrible about having to leave in the middle of New Moon.

I liked New Moon. I think it was done so much better than Twilight. While watching Twilight we were making fun of Bella’s blinking, head twitching, and stuttering that she did in every. Single. Scene. Very annoying. She doesn’t do it nearly as much in New Moon. New Moon stuck much more closely to the book and had more details from the book. The thing I hated about New Moon was the hair. Alice and Rosalie were both stuck in aweful wigs. Jasper didn’t look as much like Edward Scissorhands this time around, but he did look like he had just stepped out of a Jane Austen movie. And Alice’s wardrobe was NOT Alice. What was that smock she was wearing at school the morning of Bella’s birthday party?? UGLY. I wish we could have seen more of Dakota Fanning (two lines was not enough. She looked and sounded amazing.). The Volturi were done so well! The “bad” vampires in general looked scarier than last time. The eyes were redder and the faces more pale. Laurent and Victoria were both much scarier. Oh, and I loved how much more red Victoria’s hair was in New Moon. Fit more of the “fiery” description of the book. So, that’s a start. I am more than willing to have discussions on IM or Facebook with anyone about anything New Moon. You know how I love to discuss movies and books and stuff.

*****

Speaking of books, I recently borrowed my friend’s book containing all of Jane Austen’s novels. I have actually only read Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Emma. I love P&P and I really, really like S&S and I really like Emma (although admit I love the movie with Gwyneth Paltrow more, no matter what Ches says about it. He hates that movie). I decided it was time to read the other Austen novels I had been missing out on. I started with Mansfield Park. I have to say, I don’t like it. I thought it was too quick of an ending, and the way everyone treated Fanny throughout the book was driving me crazy. And Fanny was just too weak and simpering for me. Elizabeth Bennett is a strong female with a mind of her own. Fanny Price just sits back and lets everything happen to her. I don’t like it.

So, after I have read the books I got from the library and this month’s book club pick (The Scarlet Pimpernel, if you were wondering), I’m going to read another Austen. I’m thinking Northanger Abbey, then Persuasion, then lady Susan.

What’s your favorite Austen, and why?

*****

In September I received an email from a girl at church talking about a new choral organization in the East Valley area. It’s called the East Valley Mormon Choral Organization, and they were holding auditions that week. AND they had a full symphony orchestra, also holding auditions. I pulled something together, and three days later I had auditioned for the orchestra. I felt the audition went really well, but I knew I would have to wait.

The first week of November I got the email telling me I made it into the orchestra! Rehearsals started the next week. Our concert is December 10th. Orchestra would only have 5 rehearsals (the choirs have been practicing since September) so I knew I’d have to be on top of my game.

I got to rehearsal and found I was the 3rd flute (I’m just happy to have made it!) and that I would be playing piccolo, too. Now that is a problem. I have a piccolo, but I’ve never really done anything with it. So I took home my music and practiced every single day (probably drove the neighbors absolutely crazy!), but I just couldn’t get out all the notes I needed to. Last week, for our second rehearsal, I apologized to the other two flutists and said I just couldn’t do it. I would continue to practice so I could do picc for a future concert, but it just wasn’t going to happen for this one. I didn’t want us to sound bad! The other flutists are very gracious and we switched around some parts. The next concert isn’t until March, so I’m going to keep working on my range and tone and hopefully I’ll get it!

This concert is going to be so good. I wish you could all come! If you are in the Phoenix area, our concert is December 10th at the Mesa Arts Center. You can buy tickets here. Or you can find out more information about EVMCO here. I’m really, really excited to be a part of this!!

*****

So, there you have it. I’ve been busy writing, practicing, and movie watching. Hopefully I’ll get a better handle on my life soon!! Until then, I’m off to attack the mountain of laundry.

The Woman Has No Filter

This is a story of a woman who has tried my patience and who I don’t want to gossip about but after church today, I’m more than a little frustrated. Enough is enough. And too many of you asked on Facebook what I was talking about, so I’m giving you the loooooooong version. You love me.

As my faithful readers know, last year I was the Primary Chorister at church. That meant I was in charge of the music for the children — teaching them songs and leading them and such. It was a really hard job for me and I did not enjoy it. I think I did an okay job at it, but after our yearly Primary Program, I was more than ready for someone else to take over. In January I was released from that calling, and someone else got the job. I was asked if I would be willing to sub every so often, and I said yes. I subbed for her quite a few times (at the very last minute, I might add) and talked to her a bit on the phone to answer any questions she had. The new music leader asked me for any materials I used, and I gave her a couple of things I had, but there just wasn’t much to give. I wasn’t given anything because there really isn’t a budget for it, and besides, it was a new year and the kids were learning all new songs. The games I had made and the visual aids I made were for the old songs they had learned and performed already. They didn’t need that stuff anymore.

A couple of months later, I was at the park after school with my kids and a lot of the neighborhood moms and their kids. It’s what we do here. heh. Anyway, the woman who became the new primary chorister was putting some visual aids together and talking to some of the other moms about the whole thing and complaining that she hadn’t been given anything. I don’t know if she didn’t realize I was sitting there (2 feet away… not hidden by anything… talking to friends over there…), but I didn’t feel it necessary to say anything about it to her. Someone else said, “You know, other music leaders in the past have just made things on their own. But if there’s no money, they draw pictures on the chalkboard or whatever. You do what you can.” I appreciated my friend for saying that and thought that would be the end of it.

And then the new music leader said, “Well, I guess I just care more than other people.”

I got up and went to play with my children. I didn’t need to hear anymore. I guess I just didn’t care enough about the Primary children. Whatever.

This woman has aggravated me on a bunch of other issues since then, and I feel like I have been more than nice to her and supportive of her (even when I absolutely didn’t want to be). Maybe I’m two faced and totally fake to be smiling and nice to her and then go and complain about her to my husband and my close friends, but that’s me. Two faced and fake. You probably all know that by now.

It has been a long time since any of the stuff about music has been mentioned and I thought everyone was over it.

The new music leader is no longer the music leader. Hasn’t been for about 2 months or so.

Today, in Relief Society (the Sunday meeting for our women’s association), we were talking about our talents and how we can use those to serve and uplift and magnify our callings and such. There was a great discussion and I was feeling really edified and uplifted. Really.

And then this women commented. In her comment she said, “When I became the chorister, I was so scared and felt so inadequate. I was given NOTHING to help me out. NO handouts or anything and so I just felt unprepared. So when they put in the new Primary Chorister, I made sure to give her ALL of my handouts and visuals and I told her I would answer any questions she had and just help her out so she would know what to do.”

This woman said more (that I don’t remember exactly what she said, but the gist of it was more of the same), but I sat there like a statue. I determined I wouldn’t change my facial expression or say anything because really, there was nothing to say. She obviously thought I was not supportive of her by not giving her materials (that didn’t exist!). She obviously didn’t remember the advice she had asked me about. She obviously didn’t remember me subbing for her many times and even finding a sub for her a couple of times when I couldn’t do it because of other commitments.

This woman also obviously doesn’t realize how hurtful her comments could be to the people she was talking about. She often says things without thinking about who is there and listening. She has no filter and just says whatever she wants. And that is why I was so upset after church today and put the status on Facebook that I did. Now you know.