Snippets

It’s just so hard to sit down and write out my thoughts for my blog. I’m not sure why. It’s not like I don’t have the time during the day when the kids are at school and it’s just Collin and me at home. I guess I have let my priorities shift. I do find time to share a quick little status update several times a day on Facebook. I’m a lot less wordy there than I am here, but I still say the same things there I would have said here. Sooooo… I’m going to share a few of my “gems” of late (statuses and some comments). Most of my blog readers are my Facebook friends, so it’s not like this is going to be anything new for you to read. However, my blog is a lot longer lasting and I have visions of printing it all off into book (journal?) form someday. Not so with Facebook. There are so many things there that I share that I don’t want to forget. Here are a few of those things.

Sept. 1
Listening to the MoTab station on Pandora this beautiful Sunday morning when Parker runs out of his room and excitedly asks, “Is today General Conference????”  You would *think* he’s excited to hear the Prophet and other leaders speak, but no. General Conference means no church clothes and having to sit in church for 3 hours.

Aug. 31
Hand wash only clothes are dopey, stupid, and dumb.

When I was a kid and I ate Lucky Charms cereal for breakfast, I would try not to eat the marshmallows until the very end. Then it was like eating a bowl of marshmallows and milk. Yum! Now, as an adult I eat Special K Chocolatey Delight and all the chocolate pieces fall to the bottom of the bowl so I get to save that for the end and it’s like eating a bowl of chocolate and milk. Yum! Moral if the story? I’m still a kid and I save the good stuff for last.

In response to Karen:  Well, I say Lucky Charms, but it was pretty much whatever store brand. And when I say “when I was a kid”, I think I mean, “When I went to college and bought all the sugar cereal I could”.

Aug. 27
Watching a cute little girl while her mom runs to the doctor this morning means I get to watch My Little Pony on Netflix. Livin’ the dream, folks.

6:30 am orchestra for the almost-11 year old is going to kill me. If I don’t kill the almost 11-year old first. — feeling irritated.

Aug. 26
Got to have rehearsal in the middle of a dust storm tonight… until the rain drenched us and we went inside. That was fun. (Actually, it really was kind of fun!!)

Looking up sparkly/shiny headbands for my Higley guard. Who needs daughters? Between my two guards, I have 11.

Aug. 23
Oh man, kids using air quotes. Life is so “great”. 

Aug. 16
When my 10 year old is running after me to get my attention (because I’ve started driving away and he left his trumpet in the van), he looks an awful lot like Kermit the Frog. Arm flail!!! Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! (I’m still giggling over it.)

Aug. 14
Note to myself:
Perspective. Gain some because your happiness is riding on it. Hey Sariah… breathe, relax, and quit comparing yourself to an ideal that doesn’t exist. Also, your kids are smart, funny, and downright good kids. Ease up on them and don’t forget to tell them how great they did today and that you love them. One last thing… take your medication, Sariah. It will help. 

Aug. 6
Why yes, that was me, playing outside in the rain with my toddler. And yes, I did indeed let him sit and lay down in the gutter puddles. He had a blast and was adorable. I drew the line at him trying to drink the gutter puddle water…

Aug. 1
So yesterday I’m shaving my legs when I find this giant, hard bump on the back of my leg and I think, “What the heck is *that*??” and then I realize… It’s my calf muscle!!! Friends, my calf muscles are getting so awesome! Thank you, marching band/color guard.

June 24
The kids played with two of their cousins outside in the grass, jumping over a creek, and racing pinecones and sticks down the creek and under the bridge. Now *this* is a summer vacation!! — feeling nostalgic.

June 17
I got told over and over again today by an intermediate flute student that I am “AWESOME”. Totally made my day. (Man, I miss teaching private lessons!)

May 30
“This is not a democracy. This is a MOMocracy.”
Oh yeah, I really said that tonight. Bring it on, kids.

May 23
The kindergarteners in Parker’s class were all asked what they want to be when they grow up and where do they want to live. Parker wants to be a dad and live in Idaho. 

May 18
Baptism Day for Dallin!!! 

May 2
Isn’t it great?? Dallin is EIGHT!!! Happy birthday to my wonderful, precocious, smart, funny, active, not-so-little boy. 

May 1
Collin is ONE YEAR OLD!!! Wow!!! This first year went far too fast.

 

End of the Road… Almost

We are now down to under 2 weeks until the baby is born. If the baby waits until the scheduled day, I will be going to the hospital at 530 am on Mother’s Day for a 730 surgery. Not too bad. If the baby comes early… well, I’ll just go in to the hospital and see what happens.

I hear the hospital I have chosen is a good one. You get to order your food like room service! Just call them up at any time and say, “May I have this please?” and they bring it to you. At. Any. Time. Not just “pick from this menu and here are the meal times.” And all the rooms have huge flat screens. AND free WiFi. My one friend said she blogged from the hospital. And something broke down in the middle of the night and they still came and fixed it right away. I asked about what the nurses were like (I thought the nurses when I had Parker were actually pretty mean), and was assured that they are all pretty great and you can just request a different nurse if you don’t get along. YAY. It’s going to be like a little vacation for me, apparently.

I had some friends throw me a baby shower, and we are feeling so blessed right now. Yes, this is our fourth baby, and yes, it is also a boy, so who would think I would get a baby shower, right? I should have everything I need, right? Wrong! It has been long enough since we had Parker that we actually thought we were done and we were in the process of getting rid of everything. I had just given away all the clothes. We got rid of most of our baby gear. It feels like we are starting over! Well, we have some amazing friends apparently, both near and far. I now have a car seat and stroller (not from the baby shower… just a really, really awesome and generous friend!), a swing (someone was just giving it away! Score!), a crib (astonished as this was presented to me as the group gift at the shower!), clothes (cutest outfits ever! And my friend who inherited all our previous clothes returned everything she borrowed! Double score!), pacifiers and bottles (yay for baby showers!) and oh my gosh I have never had so many diapers at one time in one place in my life. Ches and I both felt a huge weight come off our shoulders Saturday night as we went through everything. There are still a couple of things we need to get (diaper bag, breast pump, monitor), but overall we are ready for the baby.

If we can only come up with a name…

It’s still shocking to me that we are having another baby. We used to say we wanted four, but we had accepted that we had 3 wonderful boys and felt complete. Life is funny that way, though. Just when I think I have things figured out, I get thrown a curve ball. It’s been a hard adjustment for me to make in my mind, and I’m not quite there. Maybe when he makes his appearance I’ll be able to reconcile it. I don’t know. I’m happy about it though. I feel ready for whatever mental games happens, too. Having gone through PPD twice before, we know exactly what to look for. In fact, at my next doctor’s appointment, I’m going to ask how quickly I can be put on medication just because it was something I was looking at doing before I got pregnant anyway. I’m not sure I’m ready for the middle of the night feedings and the constant diaper changing… but I’m ready for another person to be added to our family.

We have so much going on in our lives right now. It’s the tail end of the school year, which means concerts, class plays, more concerts, guard and drumline auditions, banquets, concerts, field trips, graduations, concerts… If only the baby was due in June… But we’ll work it out just fine.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I hurt all over. I had a huge headache. When I did sleep, I had crazy dreams. Mostly I just had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to wake up and pack my bag and make all the arrangements necessary for the baby to come. I felt like the baby is going to come TODAY. I don’t know how valid the feeling is, really. I more than likely won’t be having a baby today. However, it is best to be prepared, so that’s what I’m doing. Well, right after I hit “publish”, that is. 😀

I’ll blog from the hospital. Just because I can.

All Happiness and All Grief

It has been so hard to actually come here and write. My emotions have been up and down for about two weeks now. I have had some really great and wonderful things happen… And I’ve had some really terrible, tragic things happen. Not to me, but to people I care about and love greatly, and it has broken my heart.

I’m so happy to announce the end of such a successful winter guard season. My guard won first place at their last regular competition, then competed at state championships where again, they won first place in their division. It wasn’t our best performance, but it was enough. The girls worked so hard this season. My staff and I wanted this win not just for them, but for us. I felt like I really had something to prove as I am not part of the “in crowd” of guard coaches. I run my program differently than most people do. I never marched drum corps. In fact, I was never a member of a winter guard!! This whole activity is new to me, and I wanted to come out and make a statement. I think I did. I’m disappointed a bit in some of our local judges. I felt like there were a couple who took an instant dislike to our show and no matter what we did, it wasn’t going to be good enough for them. Their scores did hurt us in the end. However, the majority of the judges seemed to really love us. I am very excited for marching band in the fall and next year’s winter guard. I hope we only get stronger. (And I hope next year our state doesn’t “cheap out” and actually brings in some judges who haven’t seen us at every local competition all season. Who aren’t invested in particular programs because they are on staff at those schools. Who aren’t part of “the club”, as I call it.)

My pregnancy is moving along just fine. It’s definitely harder than my others, but knowing this is my last pregnancy also makes me want to try to enjoy it for what it is. I may be tired and sore all the time (seriously, I’m in SO MUCH pain!!), but there is nothing in the world like feeling that little being inside me and knowing I’m making a human. I can’t wait to meet our little guy!! I honestly can’t believe I’m about to have another baby… another boy! Wow! I’m going to be a mom of FOUR boys! It’s just… trippy. Can’t really think of a better word. It’s amazing and scary and wonderful and frightening. Okay, so none of that is any different from any other pregnancy. 🙂

While I was at winter guard championships, I got a devastating phone call. A close friend’s son passed away. When I got the call, there were no details yet. We have a group of women who are pretty tight, and they didn’t want me to come home, get online, and suddenly see everything posted all over Facebook. No one wanted to send me into an early labor. I appreciated that. So I got a call from one of the other women. What made it worse was knowing that this little boy’s father was killed just one year earlier. I was devastated for my friend and for her young daughter. How could so much tragedy come to just one family?? When I got home, I found out this little 2 year old boy was being a normal child… a tragic accident that could happen to anyone. My friend has asked for privacy, so I won’t go into details. Just know that kids are kids and sometimes, no matter what you do, things happen. I’m still completely broken hearted over this. My friend is amazing and has said she doesn’t blame God or anything. She knows tragedy and fate has had a heavy hand in her life. She is fighting to stay strong for her daughter, who needs all the prayers and support we can give one so young. My friend doesn’t seem to question, but I sure do. All I could ask for days was “WHY?!”

And then, not even a week later, Julia posted the news about her daughter, Liz. Again, another child being a child. A freak and tragic accident. We could all only pray, as Liz was in the PICU. Then, exactly one week after the loss of one friend’s son, Julia and Paul lost Liz. I called my mom to let her know (she knew Paul from when he and I were classmates at Ricks, and my mom grew to know and love Julia through her blog). My mom said, “Oh, after everything they’ve gone through with their son’s health, it just doesn’t seem fair…” I interrupted her. “How is ANY of this EVER fair?” I am devastated and I am angry. I now know two families in the space of one week who have lost children. Doesn’t matter what the circumstances were. It’s just plain NOT FAIR.

I am so touched, however, by the unselfish generosity that Paul and Julia have bestowed on four strangers. With their 12 year old daughter’s death, two people will receive sight, one young man will walk, and a baby has received a new heart valve. Could there be anything more beautiful?

Most of you who read my blog know Paul and Julia, or you know my other friend. You all know the emotions I am feeling. We are all devastated.

I can’t help but feel a bit guilty. I’m trying not to, but I still do. How can I find such happiness in my own life when there has been so much despair for these two families? And right now, I AM finding happiness.

Aiden and Dallin and Parker are my three sons. They drive me crazy, but they fill me with happiness. I’ve been reading “Holes” to them before bed each night, and it’s been so fun! They have all looked forward to this mother/son time and when it doesn’t happen because I am gone for the evening or it just wasn’t a good day and every one is getting into bed an hour late, they are disappointed. They cry and they beg. I’m disappointed, too. It’s a lot of fun to experience things with them. I went on a field trip today just to be with Dallin. I had to miss out on one with him recently because they could only take a small amount of chaperones and I was so sad! I have never missed a field trip with Aiden or Dallin. Today was hard (it was the Zoo… lots of walking, hot weather, etc…), but it was still SO FUN. I am signed up to go with Aiden’s class to the science center in a couple of weeks. I get to volunteer in Aiden’s classroom each week and it’s just fun to sit and grade papers and watch the class go. I love that they want me there and Aiden is really upset if something comes up and I can’t come to his class. I love spending all this time with Parker just before he goes to Kindergarten. It’s a good thing we have this baby coming because otherwise I would be SO lonely when he goes to school next year! He’s my little buddy. We read together and go to the park and run errands and he is always asking me the most interesting questions, like “When Arizona was the Wild West, what did the first people do to find food?” and “Do we still have birthdays after we come back from Heaven?” We sing along together to the radio (seriously, you should hear this kid sing Adele. SO cute!!) and read books together and race up the stairs (he always wins). These boys fill me up with happiness.

And then there’s Ches. Our 14th anniversary is coming up in a few short weeks, and I can’t believe how much I am still in love with this guy. Sometimes I can still look at him and my heart skips a beat. When he’s not near me, I’m sad. It’s true. He’s about to go on a trip with his band and orchestra, and more than anything else, I’m sad to not have him in bed, snoring the night away. I love just sitting next to him on the couch. I love him teasing me the way he does (mostly). He’s funniest guy I know. He’s just plain fun. He makes me want to be better. Always and forever, I want to be a better person just because I can be… for him. We are so happy together. I love it.

Where am I going with this? I dont’ know. I have so many insane pregnancy hormones and emotions going on!! It’s hard to jump between the happy and the sad. And I just had to spit it out there for all of you to read.

Irritated

Is it part of pregnancy that I find myself so overly irritated by just about every one around me and everything that is happening? I am SO annoyed. SO irritated. SO bothered.

As mentioned in the comments on my last post, I feel like I have to justify all of my thoughts or actions. WHY? I do not. Guess what? I’m 35 years old. I pretty much know what I’m doing by now. I still make tons of mistakes, but WHY should I have to explain away my actions, my thoughts, my desires? This is not my first pregnancy. This is actually my fifth. This will be my fourth child born. My fourth c-section. I think I know a little bit of what I’m doing. However, I have people around me constantly trying to give me advice and tell me how I should be feeling and what I should be expecting. Ummmm, no.

We don’t even need to get into politics. I try to keep my mouth shut because no one ever agrees on politics. Why can’t people just trust that I’m going to try to make the best decisions after carefully studying and thinking out the process? We have our Arizona primary coming up. I got my sample ballot in the mail yesterday. I’m pretty sure I know who I’m going to vote for, but I’m not positive yet because there is still more to look at. There always is. (Oh no. I just realized that by advertising I will be voting in the primary now everyone knows I’m registered Republican. Let the flaming commence…) I hate politics. I’m sick of the presidential election. I’m sick of the bickering and fighting and the stupid things that are getting in the way of the actual issues (seriously… Romney speaks French fluently. Why is this a problem again? Just one example of how the politicians are taking small things and blowing them up when they never mattered in the first place).

I’m sick of being me right now. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not allowed to have an opinion on anything because I don’t speak as firmly or loudly as someone else.

I’m constantly annoyed by being told how, when, and why to do things. I’m a big girl. I can figure it out. If I need help, I’ll ask. These aren’t big things. It’s inconsequential things, like how to clean the blinds or where to put my kids’ beds. What do I actually need help and advice on? How to deal with doctors and ADHD diagnoses and major anger issues in a 6 year old… And I’m pretty sure on those I have asked for help from certain people and I completely appreciate their advice. If your child does not have ADHD and/or is highly Gifted, you have no idea what I’m going through so stop telling me things like, “He’ll just have to learn how to focus. You can’t hold his hand.” You. Don’t. Know. (Some of you reading this really do know what I’m going through, so of course I’m not talking to you in this paragraph. I need your advice and I need to hear how you dealt with things and what your child did. cough*Karen*cough)

You know what doesn’t irritate me? Support. Kind, loving words from my real friends. The ones who say things like, “I love you. You’re doing a great job. This will come to an end. I’ll pray for you.” I’d love it if you could bring me a yummy sandwich for lunch and say, “Hey, how are you feeling today? Can I take Parker so you can take a nap?” But that’s just not going to happen. My real friends are all too far away. They are the ones reading this now.

Oh yeah. I’m irritated that all y’all live far away from me. I can’t be there physically to help you, either. It drives me batty. I want to be able to be the shoulder to cry on, the one to come do your dishes or take your kids. The one to say “hey, I found this job listing from whatever company around the corner. Maybe it could help?” But no. We’re all spread out from coast to coast, in different countries, and it’s hard to not have that physical presence sometimes. So I’m irritated by that. Don’t get me wrong. I’m loving the support that I do get from each of you, my real and true friends. You are amazing and give me just what I need, when I need it. But it gets lonely sometimes when you have to stare at a computer screen in order to feel any love.

And now you know. I’m irritated, annoyed, and kind of angry on a pretty regular basis. Three more months and then this baby will be here and let’s hope I don’t have to deal with PPD this time so I can move on to being a happy mother again.

Just Some Random Thoughts…

Yesterday I got to take Parker to the Sea Life Aquarium for his preschool field trip. The Sea Life Aquarium is located in the Arizona Mills Mall, a very large mall not far from where we used to live. It is now a good half hour drive from our current home. After the adventures of the Aquarium, I decided to take Parker to the food court so he could have some lunch and (hopefully) fall asleep in the van on the way home. Then we could both get a little nap in.

Being that it is a mall, there are kiosks. I am a sucker when the vendors at kiosks stop me to show me whatever cool product they are hawking selling. So I got stopped by the woman with an exotic accent who wanted to buff my nails until they were super shiny and pretty (no need for nail polish!), then show me her sea salt rubs and body butter.

First of all, yes, my nails are very pretty. We’ll see if it really lasts a month. However, I am NOT spending $60 for a kit just to buff my nails. Seriously? I’ll put on clear nail polish that costs $1.50 from Wal-Greens first.

Second, the accent? So fake. You can’t even decide if you’re supposed to be French, Israeli, or Brazilian. So it switches constantly. Yes, you sound exotic and it’s supposed to make me trust you more, but I know it’s fake. Everyone knows you don’t have that accent. Someone ought to really stop this practice.

Third, yes, in fact I did like the sea salt scrub and it does seem to be helping the massive eczema on the palms of my hands. However, there is no way I would ever pay $80 for it when I can hop over to Bath and Body Works and get the same size tub for $10. Do I really look that stupid to you? And just because it says it’s made in Israel does NOT mean it actually comes from the Dead Sea. I don’t care where the salt comes from, anyway. It’s salt.

*****

I believe I have passed on my anxiety to my children. On the way to the school for the ceremony where Dallin received a certificate because he is a Cardinal of Character (he demonstrated the characteristic “fairness” in the classroom), all I could hear was bouncy Dallin saying, “I wonder what my award is. Will they call my name? Where will I sit? Will you all be in the audience? I hope you are in the audience. Do I get a paper? I can’t believe I get an award.” He repeated it constantly until the start of the ceremony.

He got a certificate and a t-shirt. The t-shirt says, “I’m a Cardinal of Character at Centennial Elementary.”

The whole way home he repeated, “I love my t-shirt. Do you have my certificate? I hope my t-shirt fits. I want to wear it tomorrow. Will my t-shirt fit me? It’s so cool.”

On the way to the Aquarium yesterday, Parker repeated, “Are we going on my field trip now? Are you driving fast enough? Can you drive faster? Is this the right way? Did you get lost? Are we closer yet? How much longer? Will I see fish? Are there sharks? Did you make a wrong turn? I don’t know if this is the right way. Can you go faster?” Seriously, repeated this the entire half hour.

Sigh.

*****

Can someone please show me where in the Bible it actually says that Jesus said “If you deny me I will deny you to my FATHER”? I hate that stupid post on Facebook. If I don’t repost am I saying I am ashamed of Jesus and I don’t get to go to Heaven now? Whatever. Reposting these things that say, “Let’s see how many believers are on Facebook!” or “I believe in Jesus. Do you?” is just lame. I don’t need to flaunt my faith in the face of all Facebook to know that I have a testimony that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I feel like posting, “OMG!! I totally ❤ Jesus!! Repost this!” just to see what people will do. Stupid, but it’s the same thing to me.

*****

I am in another “Biggest Loser” challenge. We’ve had two weigh ins and I have lost 5 lbs. I weigh in tomorrow. Hoping to have lost another 2 lbs this week. The best thing I’m doing for me this time is I have started using MyNetDiary, an online food diary. It helps me keep track of everything I’m eating, counts my calories, has a spot to enter how much exercise I do (and how many calories I have burned), and has handy dandy charts to help me know how much I should be consuming and burning each day in order to lose weight. It’s keeping me totally accountable and I love it. AND it’s free!!! I highly recommend it.

*****

I’m lonely. I have tons of friends (you guys), but you are all too far away. Someone move here, please. Seriously.

*****

My book club chose enough books to last us through July. I’m super excited about the books, and only one of them have I actually read before.

This month we are reading Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. It has been on my “to read” list for forever because people are constantly telling me to try it. The love it. So I am excited to read it for that reason. However, it’s Sci Fi. I don’t enjoy Sci Fi and I don’t enjoy Fantasy (as a general rule). I try, but I just can’t get into it. So I was telling a girl in the book club that I was excited about reading it, but I said off handedly, “I won’t like it.” She then started to lecture me about having an open mind and being positive and I have to try the book anyway… ugh. I didn’t mean that I’m closing down to it! I didn’t mean I wasn’t going to even try to read it! I am!! It’s just not my style of book and I have tried and tried in the past to read these types of books with no success. I just don’t like it. Geez. Again, I am excited to read the book because it sounds interesting and it comes so highly recommended. But if I don’t like it, then I don’t like it. That’s my opinion. That’s my taste. So there.

*****

I love this weather. It’s been in the mid to upper 70’s all week. So beautiful! We take visitors, by the way. Any time. We have enough floor space for anyone who wants to partake in our sunshine.

It’s My Blog And I’ll Whine If I Want To

I have been battling migraines since I went to Albuquerque last week, so I’m not in the best of moods right now. I had big plans of spring cleaning my house this week, but I have no energy to do that. Today I couldn’t handle dealing with the kids at home, so we joined several other women and children at the park for a couple of hours. Yes, it was sunny and kids are loud, so yes, that is going to hurt my head. But I had just taken a couple OTC migraine pills, put on my sunglasses, threatened my children’s very lives if they disturbed me, and went to the park. Thankfully, the boys were pretty good and didn’t fight with each other or the other kids and didn’t come beg me for food and drink every 2 seconds. They played well and seemed to have fun.

The other women and I sat partially in the shade and partially in the sun (it was a gorgeous morning) and talked about everything. I love to go to the park and talk to my peers. You all know how hard it is to be a SAHM and feel so isolated. It’s great to get out, even if the house is a mess and stays that way.

One girl (who is very pregnant, by the way) mentioned that she had deleted a post from her blog where she had been complaining a bit about her pregnancy. She isn’t due until the end of May, but she is dilated now and having contractions. So she doesn’t get to do a lot because she obviously doesn’t want the baby to come yet. I imagine she is uncomfortable and in pain (simply because that’s how my pregnancies go). I asked why she deleted the blog post and she said because someone had commented with something to the effect of “Oh, it’s all worth it because of the blessing that comes after.”

Let me tell you something. (Oh, and by “you”, I’m not speaking to YOU, just to random strangers who aren’t actually reading my blog.) When someone is pregnant (especially with their third child), they KNOW what blessings come. They don’t need to be told. They need a time to be able to say “I’m miserable. I’m in pain. I hate being pregnant.” It’s 9 months of feeling yucky. Most of us do not have perfect, painless, no nausea pregnancies. So let a pregnant woman complain!

Also, and this is what really bugs me, it was HER blog. She wasn’t going somewhere else to complain. She was using HER blog to mention something. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. My blog is ME. If I’m in a bad mood and feel like being negative and whine a bit, I’m allowed to do that. I don’t want anyone coming on and telling me to look at the bright side of things. I don’t want to be told what blessings are coming my way. I appreciate that when I wrote that post about how much I hate this house, none of you said, “At least you have a house. I’m in an apartment.” or “Be grateful you have a garage. I have to park on the street and deal with snow plows pushing snow over my car so I have to dig it out in the morning.” or “At least you’re not homeless.” Things like that. Because really, I’m perfectly aware that I am blessed that we even live in a house and have no shared walls. I’m totally aware that tons of people have it worse than I do. I know we are blessed that Ches has a job and a regular paycheck, no matter how small it is, and that even though we don’t have much for extras, we are able to live off one income and my kids are healthy, happy, well fed, clothed, etc. I KNOW.

It’s just that sometimes you need time to complain and you need your friends to offer support more than encouragement. My readers, my friends, you are amazing at that. I have been writing this blog for 4 1/2 years. You have been there while I have battled postpartum depression and whatever kind of depression I still have. You have let me whine and complain about my kids, my house, my life. I have received more comments, emails, packages, letters, etc. from you guys with support, virtual and real hugs, and just general understand. No judging. (If you were judging me, you did it behind my back and hid it from me, and I’m grateful you did that, too. Thank you!)

I only hope that I have been the same for you. I hope I have not said uncalled for or unwanted things. I hope I have been supportive when you needed that and encouraging when you needed that. The last year or so I haven’t been good at commenting on blogs or even writing on my own. But I want you to know that I think about each of you constantly. I do not exaggerate. The friendships I have gained from this blog are cherished more than you know. I don’t know what I would do if I lost your friendship. Any of you. I can’t quit my blog because I’m afraid of losing you. Even if you don’t think I’m actually talking about you, I promise you. I am. Every single one of you who reads my blog, has ever read my blog, has ever commented on my blog. You are amazing and I appreciate you. Thanks for letting me whine all these years.

And Carlie, leave a comment so I know you’re reading. Anyone else lurking? I need to know!! 🙂

Catch-up Monday

I’ve been wanting to do a Random Friday, but Friday just didn’t turn out to be a good day to sit and write on my blog. I know I’ve been horribly neglectful of my little corner of the webiverse, but I have good excuses reasons. Do I have to share them?? Well, once I do all my catch up I’m sure you’ll see.

I’ve tried participating in NaNoWriMo again this year. I was moving slowly in my writing, but it was steady and I honestly thought I would finish all 50,000 words this year. Life just gets in the way, however, and I got behind again. I think I’m giving up for this year. Unless I’m hit by some major inspiration and can throw out 40,000 words in the next few days, it’s just not going to happen. My story wasn’t that great anyway. I struggle to write adequately. I struggle to find the words to go with the pictures and actions in my head. I can do short stories, but drawing things out is just not my strong suit. And people don’t like short stories. You have to already know and love an author to read a book of short stories, usually.

I love to write and I really do want to write and publish a novel someday. However, maybe I’m just not a novel writer. Maybe I should stick to my little blog. Maybe I’m not meant to be a novelist until I’m much older. I just don’t know right now. I’m not sad about it or anything. Just thinking it through. Changing my plans and ideals once again.

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I saw New Moon opening night. In fact, I got to do a double feature. Some theatres here were offering a double feature of Twilight and New Moon for just an extra $5. You got early seating and stayed in one theatre for both movies. I went with my friend, Kelly, and had a really good time. We were in the theatre hours and hours before the movie started so we’d have decent seats (last year we were in the second row for Twilight. Let me tell you, that sucked. Big time.). We met some really cool people and had fun talking about all sorts of things… vampires and Twilight and other good books (Gone With the Wind, for one) and book clubs and Surviver and The Amazing Race and places we’ve lived and candy and school… I need to email my new friend. She was cool. Kelly was feeling a little sick, but she lasted through the first movie and most of the second. Thankfully she had actually been to the prescreening Wednesday night, so didn’t feel horrible about having to leave in the middle of New Moon.

I liked New Moon. I think it was done so much better than Twilight. While watching Twilight we were making fun of Bella’s blinking, head twitching, and stuttering that she did in every. Single. Scene. Very annoying. She doesn’t do it nearly as much in New Moon. New Moon stuck much more closely to the book and had more details from the book. The thing I hated about New Moon was the hair. Alice and Rosalie were both stuck in aweful wigs. Jasper didn’t look as much like Edward Scissorhands this time around, but he did look like he had just stepped out of a Jane Austen movie. And Alice’s wardrobe was NOT Alice. What was that smock she was wearing at school the morning of Bella’s birthday party?? UGLY. I wish we could have seen more of Dakota Fanning (two lines was not enough. She looked and sounded amazing.). The Volturi were done so well! The “bad” vampires in general looked scarier than last time. The eyes were redder and the faces more pale. Laurent and Victoria were both much scarier. Oh, and I loved how much more red Victoria’s hair was in New Moon. Fit more of the “fiery” description of the book. So, that’s a start. I am more than willing to have discussions on IM or Facebook with anyone about anything New Moon. You know how I love to discuss movies and books and stuff. 🙂

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Speaking of books, I recently borrowed my friend’s book containing all of Jane Austen’s novels. I have actually only read Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Emma. I love P&P and I really, really like S&S and I really like Emma (although admit I love the movie with Gwyneth Paltrow more, no matter what Ches says about it. He hates that movie). I decided it was time to read the other Austen novels I had been missing out on. I started with Mansfield Park. I have to say, I don’t like it. I thought it was too quick of an ending, and the way everyone treated Fanny throughout the book was driving me crazy. And Fanny was just too weak and simpering for me. Elizabeth Bennett is a strong female with a mind of her own. Fanny Price just sits back and lets everything happen to her. I don’t like it.

So, after I have read the books I got from the library and this month’s book club pick (The Scarlet Pimpernel, if you were wondering), I’m going to read another Austen. I’m thinking Northanger Abbey, then Persuasion, then lady Susan.

What’s your favorite Austen, and why?

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In September I received an email from a girl at church talking about a new choral organization in the East Valley area. It’s called the East Valley Mormon Choral Organization, and they were holding auditions that week. AND they had a full symphony orchestra, also holding auditions. I pulled something together, and three days later I had auditioned for the orchestra. I felt the audition went really well, but I knew I would have to wait.

The first week of November I got the email telling me I made it into the orchestra! Rehearsals started the next week. Our concert is December 10th. Orchestra would only have 5 rehearsals (the choirs have been practicing since September) so I knew I’d have to be on top of my game.

I got to rehearsal and found I was the 3rd flute (I’m just happy to have made it!) and that I would be playing piccolo, too. Now that is a problem. I have a piccolo, but I’ve never really done anything with it. So I took home my music and practiced every single day (probably drove the neighbors absolutely crazy!), but I just couldn’t get out all the notes I needed to. Last week, for our second rehearsal, I apologized to the other two flutists and said I just couldn’t do it. I would continue to practice so I could do picc for a future concert, but it just wasn’t going to happen for this one. I didn’t want us to sound bad! The other flutists are very gracious and we switched around some parts. The next concert isn’t until March, so I’m going to keep working on my range and tone and hopefully I’ll get it!

This concert is going to be so good. I wish you could all come! If you are in the Phoenix area, our concert is December 10th at the Mesa Arts Center. You can buy tickets here. Or you can find out more information about EVMCO here. I’m really, really excited to be a part of this!!

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So, there you have it. I’ve been busy writing, practicing, and movie watching. Hopefully I’ll get a better handle on my life soon!! Until then, I’m off to attack the mountain of laundry.

Everyone Else Is Doing It…

I made a discovery today. Everyone has a blog. I mean everyone!! A friend from the ward came over and talked while she clipped coupons and I scrapbooked (heh. Could we be more Mormon???) and she mentioned something about another acquaintance’s blog. So I found my friend’s blog today (not for the first time) and looked at her blogroll (that was the first time for me). Um, WOW. There are a lot. I clicked on a name here and there, and everyone seemed to have an even longer blogroll than the last. I think every single person we go to church with has a blog!

When I started my blog (waaaaaay back in 2005) the only person I knew with a blog was Alyson. I was friendly with Dana, and quickly found out she had a blog. Then I became friendly with Heather and April. Then Karen found us through Heather, and I found Cara by clicking on the link of a friend of a friend’s… The rest is history. My little group has branched out. I have family on my blog roll. I have old college friends from Ricks (hi Allison!) and old college friends from University of Idaho (Hi Emily!). I have people from church in Tempe (Hi Nicole!). I have friends from high school (Katie is the LADY!! heh). I have random people who found me through search engines or something (I’m talking about you, Timber and Sariah in Vancouver!). I have Ches’ former students (Amber!!!!).

Before I had Facebook, I had my blog. It was my way to stay connected to my friends and a way to make new friends. It was my journal and my outlet. I shared pictures, videos, top ten lists (of my own making, thank you very much!), recipes, book reviews, and interesting (to me) links. My little world pretty much revolved around my blog. It’s kind of pathetic, but I checked my blog everyday to see what new comments were written and to see who had posted something new. I loved the conversations we used to have (usually involved pie and black algae).

My blogroll has grown a lot these past 4 years. I think I get less comments than I used to, however. I don’t feel the same as I used to about my blog. Oh, I’m not quitting. It just feels like a lot more work now. I’m thinking of switching things up (but then again, I think I’ve been saying that for a year now), just to make things interesting again. Interesting to me. I wonder if it would work.

The biggest thing… do I want to be like everybody else??? Do I want to do what everyone else is doing? Not really. As much as I like to fit in and I care about what other people think (yes, I do care TOO MUCH. I’m working on it), I really and truly don’t want to be a sheep. I don’t want to be just like everyone else. I don’t want to just be a name on a list somewhere. I want my readers to really be my friends and really care about my life, my family, or just me. That’s why I read the blogs I do. Every person on my blog roll means something special to me. Not to say that these long lists on other blogs aren’t meaningful. My list has gotten pretty long itself. I just don’t want to be another name. I want to be special.

I don’t say any of this as a knock on anyone else. I hope I don’t offend anyone (new or old) that reads this. It’s just… having a blog used to be a special thing. Now, well, I’m not so sure. I think I’m having a mid-blog crises. Don’t worry… I’ll be back to my old self soon enough. Or something like it. You know me and my mood swings. I’ll soon be following the crowd and trying to entertain my public. Maybe I should just do a meme for my next post.

Culture Shock

Last night I got to see one of my favorite musicals, Forever Plaid, in movie form. It was a special engagement for the 20th anniversary and was shown in theatres around the US and Canada. After the movie was some live stuff, and it was just great. An old friend of mine went with me, and we had a good time. As we left the theatre, my friend said “You want to go out?” You bet!

It was late, and we were in an unfamiliar area, so we just started walking. Found a place that was open, so we went in.

Now, you all know that I’m LDS (because most of you are also LDS) and so I don’t drink. I don’t normally go to bars. I have been to very few bars in my time. This bar was different from the college sports bars I’ve been to in the past. We walked in, I looked to my left, and saw a mechanical bull.

We were in a country bar.

It was actually a nice place. The country music was really loud, and while I don’t like country music, the live band playing was really good. My friend and I sat at the bar, she drinking a Bloody Mary and I drinking a water, and talked for a long time. It’s good to catch up. After an hour or so we decided to get up and dance. There weren’t a lot of people in the bar, but I think some girls were having a birthday party (the band sang “Happy Birthday” at one point). They all had on matching cowboy hats. They were continuously getting on stage to dance next to the band. They were taking pictures of each other, almost constantly had a drink in their hands, and screamed a lot. They were “Woo Girls“. (If you don’t watch How I Met Your Mother, this comment won’t be nearly as funny.)

The strangest thing for me was watching these girls dance. Like they were trying to be all sexy or something, but instead they just looked like idiots. They’re up on stage, bumping and grinding with each other and trying to with band members (the poor lead guy kept pushing girls off him ever so slightly. Let him play his guitar and sing, girls! Sheesh!!) and the type of dance they were doing does not go with country music. One girls was wearing a cute, mini denim skirt. Well, it was cute when she first got on stage. When she was dancing and the skirt went crooked and then rode up so we could see her underwear? Not so cute anymore. Other girls kept doing these stripper-like moves. And I don’t know what they thought they looked like, but I thought they looked foolish. They looked like privileged yuppies who have had too much to drink and might throw up any second. I’m not kidding.

I was laughing so hard. These Woo Girls were a novelty to me and I could not stop watching them! It not something that I normally am involved in, so it was just so entertaining. Those girls were having fun, but I can’t help but wonder how true this HIMYM clip is.

Just a Few Thoughts

I hate working out. I hate having to work to make my body acceptable to myself. But I went to the gym last night and took my first class. It’s called “Body Pump” and it was an hour of working with barbells. It was so fun! My legs are total jelly today, but I did everything (even though those lunges were haaaaaaard!!) and I’m definitely going to that class again. So yes, I hate working out in general, but if all these classes I want to take are half as fun as this I think I could get addicted to working out. I wish I had gone in earlier this evening for the Body Jam class (dance moves — meaning let’s see how dumb Sariah can look!!)

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I found out on Sunday that our ward is having a father/son campout in a couple of weeks. I asked the girl next to me if the sons had to be a certain age, thinking they would want the cub scouts and older or something, but no. No age requirements. So I could potentially have a night off. Just me.

I’m giddy at the thought.

I doubt Ches will want to take all three boys, with how young they are, and I don’t know how fun it would be. So I’m kind of requiring him to take Aiden and Dallin, and he can decide whether or not to take Parker. I’m still excited at the thought of just one person at home with me. 🙂

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I know I’ve said it before, but I seriously want to throw the XBox out the window most days. It’s loud and obnoxious, the boys fight easily, and I just don’t get it. If they need help with something, I can’t do anything. I don’t really like playing video games. Not for me. I’m not a video game person. Now, the boys don’t fight all the time, and they actually play well together most of the time. I just fixate on the times that they argue.

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And now, a total Mommy Blogger thing to talk about:

We have been working on potty training Dallin. Things were going really well, but lately it’s not so great. I don’t want to gross anyone out, but I’m a mom of young ones, so bodily functions are just a part of my life and daily conversations. You don’t like it, skip this part.

Dallin will not poop on the potty. I’m throwing out underwear because it’s just easier than trying to clean up that much of a mess. I don’t know what to do. Dallin only wants to wear underwear, and we are trying everything to get him to stop what he is doing and sit on the potty, but nothing has worked so far.

Today I was so frustrated I threw him in the shower to clean him off (usually he gets a bath), and he did NOT like the shower. Cried and cried. So when he had a second accident involving poop, I did it again. I told him everytime he poops in his underwear, I’d put him in the shower to clean him. He cried and cried again. Later, he was playing and peed all over the couch. So I threw him in the shower (he was pretty soaked). He hates showers. I’m hoping this will get the message to sink in.

I told Ches about it, and he said, “Great. You are making him hate something that he has to do. You are making a punishment out of something that he will have to do for his entire life. He has to take showers to get clean. It can’t be a punishment.”

I see his point. But what do I do????

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I hosted a Pampered Chef party last week because I wanted to buy some stuff but totally can’t afford it. I’m pretty pumped because I’m getting some cool stuff. The best part of the party, however, was that we made this awesome pizza. It’s called a California Club Pizza. It has doesn’t have pizza sauce, but does have tomatos, avocado, chicken, bacon, red onion, and cheese and it is SO SO SO good. If you want the recipe, I’ll email it to you. And it was really easy to make. And made good leftovers. So yeah. I liked it a lot (if you can’t tell).

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I just found out that a girl from our ward in Idaho moved here a few weeks ago! She was a student of Ches’ in the band, I had her in Young Women’s, and I taught her flute lessons for a school year. She is the cutest, sweetest thing. Anyway, she is married and has a little baby girl of her own now, and she only lives a few miles away. I talked to her on the phone today, and as soon as her baby gets over the flu we are getting together. I’m excited to have her here, and she said she is excited to be living so close to us and to have a friend!! YAY!!

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I’m hosting Book Club next month. Any suggestions for the book? I was thinking either “The Book Thief” or “The Time Traveler’s Wife”, but I’m afraid they already did the first and the second may have some objectionable material for a kind of church-sponsored club (language mainly, from what I hear). Some of the women in my group may not like it, but I don’t know them well enough yet to be able to tell. They joke around about not getting anything “too trashy”, so what exactly is “too trashy” and what is considered “clean”?? I just don’t know. But if you guys have a suggestion for a book that you did in your book clubs or a book you read recently that you consider a Must Read, please let me know! (This month we are reading “Cry, the Beloved Country” by Alan Paton)