I have been battling migraines since I went to Albuquerque last week, so I’m not in the best of moods right now. I had big plans of spring cleaning my house this week, but I have no energy to do that. Today I couldn’t handle dealing with the kids at home, so we joined several other women and children at the park for a couple of hours. Yes, it was sunny and kids are loud, so yes, that is going to hurt my head. But I had just taken a couple OTC migraine pills, put on my sunglasses, threatened my children’s very lives if they disturbed me, and went to the park. Thankfully, the boys were pretty good and didn’t fight with each other or the other kids and didn’t come beg me for food and drink every 2 seconds. They played well and seemed to have fun.
The other women and I sat partially in the shade and partially in the sun (it was a gorgeous morning) and talked about everything. I love to go to the park and talk to my peers. You all know how hard it is to be a SAHM and feel so isolated. It’s great to get out, even if the house is a mess and stays that way.
One girl (who is very pregnant, by the way) mentioned that she had deleted a post from her blog where she had been complaining a bit about her pregnancy. She isn’t due until the end of May, but she is dilated now and having contractions. So she doesn’t get to do a lot because she obviously doesn’t want the baby to come yet. I imagine she is uncomfortable and in pain (simply because that’s how my pregnancies go). I asked why she deleted the blog post and she said because someone had commented with something to the effect of “Oh, it’s all worth it because of the blessing that comes after.”
Let me tell you something. (Oh, and by “you”, I’m not speaking to YOU, just to random strangers who aren’t actually reading my blog.) When someone is pregnant (especially with their third child), they KNOW what blessings come. They don’t need to be told. They need a time to be able to say “I’m miserable. I’m in pain. I hate being pregnant.” It’s 9 months of feeling yucky. Most of us do not have perfect, painless, no nausea pregnancies. So let a pregnant woman complain!
Also, and this is what really bugs me, it was HER blog. She wasn’t going somewhere else to complain. She was using HER blog to mention something. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. My blog is ME. If I’m in a bad mood and feel like being negative and whine a bit, I’m allowed to do that. I don’t want anyone coming on and telling me to look at the bright side of things. I don’t want to be told what blessings are coming my way. I appreciate that when I wrote that post about how much I hate this house, none of you said, “At least you have a house. I’m in an apartment.” or “Be grateful you have a garage. I have to park on the street and deal with snow plows pushing snow over my car so I have to dig it out in the morning.” or “At least you’re not homeless.” Things like that. Because really, I’m perfectly aware that I am blessed that we even live in a house and have no shared walls. I’m totally aware that tons of people have it worse than I do. I know we are blessed that Ches has a job and a regular paycheck, no matter how small it is, and that even though we don’t have much for extras, we are able to live off one income and my kids are healthy, happy, well fed, clothed, etc. I KNOW.
It’s just that sometimes you need time to complain and you need your friends to offer support more than encouragement. My readers, my friends, you are amazing at that. I have been writing this blog for 4 1/2 years. You have been there while I have battled postpartum depression and whatever kind of depression I still have. You have let me whine and complain about my kids, my house, my life. I have received more comments, emails, packages, letters, etc. from you guys with support, virtual and real hugs, and just general understand. No judging. (If you were judging me, you did it behind my back and hid it from me, and I’m grateful you did that, too. Thank you!)
I only hope that I have been the same for you. I hope I have not said uncalled for or unwanted things. I hope I have been supportive when you needed that and encouraging when you needed that. The last year or so I haven’t been good at commenting on blogs or even writing on my own. But I want you to know that I think about each of you constantly. I do not exaggerate. The friendships I have gained from this blog are cherished more than you know. I don’t know what I would do if I lost your friendship. Any of you. I can’t quit my blog because I’m afraid of losing you. Even if you don’t think I’m actually talking about you, I promise you. I am. Every single one of you who reads my blog, has ever read my blog, has ever commented on my blog. You are amazing and I appreciate you. Thanks for letting me whine all these years.
And Carlie, leave a comment so I know you’re reading. Anyone else lurking? I need to know!! 🙂