A Sunday Ritual

It’s funny the things we find ourselves making into a ritual. Just something you do over and over and don’t realize it’s what you always do until one day you miss doing just that and you feel weird all day. Like something is missing. So you sit down and start thinking and figuring out what it is that feels so off. Then it dawns on you… and you realize you have a ritual.

Every Sunday I read Post Secret. I have been reading it for years now. I find the secrets funny, sad, revealing, obscene, honest, over-thought, under-thought… pretty much everything. They run the spectrum. They make me laugh and cry. They make me think. Mostly, I end up feeling just a little bit sadder than when I first clicked on the site.

To remedy that, I now follow Post Secret with Cake Wrecks. Sunday on Cake Wrecks isn’t their normal messed-up cake site. They have “Sunday Sweets”, which are beautiful, fun, whimsical, clever, and extremely well done cakes by professionals who actually know what they are doing. There is a different theme each week. It’s so fun to see these creations by some really talented artists. And I admit, I often love the commentary even more then the cakes. Jen and John (hubby of Jen) are just super funny and clever and probably have taken a restraining order out on my stalking self by now.

I was going to make a secret to send in to Post Secret, but since I’m telling you, I guess it won’t work. It’s not a secret anymore.

Every Sunday I log on to Post Secret and get sad. Then I log on to Cake Wrecks’ Sunday Sweets and cheer myself up.

Every single Sunday, without fail.

How to Eat a Cheesburger

I have a new best friend.  Her name is Tiffabee.  We’ve never actually met.  We’ve never shared an email or chatted on line.  In fact, Tiffabee doesn’t even know I exist.  But that doesn’t make me love her any less.  You see, I found her blog, How to Eat a Cheeseburger, and I’m hooked.  This blog is devoted to helping women realize that skinny does NOT equal healthy and fat does NOT equal unhealthy.  That women need to embrace beauty of all shapes, that curves are beautiful, to throw your scale out the window, to stop worrying what size jeans you wear, and just eat a cheeseburger!  (Or a turkeyburger, or a veggieburger… you get the idea)  

Striving to be thin and a constant obsession with thinness does not help one’s self-esteem.  Yes, I would LOVE to be thinner.  Alyson and I were just talking about that on the phone.  I don’t pay much attention to the number on the scale anymore.  I pay attention to what I look like in the mirror and how my clothes fit.  I would love to wear those cute little t-shirts I got after I had Dallin, but who knows if I’ll get thin again.  My goals should have less to do with being thin than with being healthy.  Working out is good, as long as I’m striving for health.  I want to be able to walk my 60 miles for The 3 Day.  I want to be able to play with my boys without getting winded in the first 2 minutes.  I want to fully realize that my husband loves me no matter what size I am.

This is not going to be easy for me.  Growing up and being so skinny was hard.  I always heard about how I needed to gain a few pounds.  In college I once went to the health center because I was really sick (turned out I had strep and bronchitis).  The doctor looked at my throat for literally 2 seconds, then asked me if I was anorexic.  It sucked that I could never fit the hand-me-downs given to me, or that I could rarely borrow clothes from friends or roommates because I would drown in them without belts (which I hate to wear) or pins and things holding the clothes in place in weird areas.  I hated being teased about my nearly flat chest by my friends.

However, I loved that my aunt would go shopping and see this cute little dress and send it to me and it was a perfect fit.  I loved that I looked really good in it.  I loved that my wrists were actually really bony looking.  I loved that my guy friends in high school told me I had the best butt of all the girls we knew (while I pretended to be offended that they even looked!).  I loved that I could eat a large pizza or the Big Jud’s Special all by myself and seriously not gain an ounce.  I loved that as a senior in high school, I could fit into my 1st grade sister’s Catholic school skirt.  Yeah, it was short, but it was funny to me.  I loved that when I was trying on wedding dresses they had to pull in the sample dress SO much to give me an idea of how the real dress would fit.  I loved being skinny (even though I hated being called skinny.  So derogatory to me at a young age.  I preferred to be called thin).

I really need to get over this obsession that being thin or skinny or whatever will make me happy!  If I lose a ton of weight, will I really be happy??  Sure, I might be more comfortable (having all this extra weight is really not fun… especially in this Arizona heat!), but when will I say, “Okay, I’m good.  I’m thin enough.”??  Or will I constantly think I need to be thinner?  And what if I can lose a lot of weight, but I still have a flabby tummy after having three c-sections?  And stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, and under arms??  When will I feel good enough?

I want to feel good enough regardless of what size jeans I wear.  I want to feel good enough regardless if I will ever even fit an arm into my wedding dress again.  I want to feel good enough regardless if I can wear that cute t-shirt that Ches bought for me that has Princess Leia on it and that I’ve never actually worn because he bought it while I was in this last pregnancy and then I never lost any of the weight.

I know deep down that my body shape doesn’t matter to anyone who actually cares about me.  I know deep down that it’s my personality and the things that I do that attracts friends.  But I often have a hard time reaching deep down and keeping that as a priority rather than getting thin.  Thinner.  Because seriously, what IS thin?  There will always be thinner.

So now I’m an avid Cheeseburger fan*.  Check it out.  You may like it, too!!  This isn’t a site promoting fat girls.  It’s a site promoting body acceptance, true beauty acceptance.  Everyone is different.  Some women are supposed to weigh 110, and some women are supposed to weigh 160.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  So… no skinny girl bashing, and no fat girl bashing.  Just total acceptance.  Anyone else feel like a Cheeseburger?

*Okay, so actually I don’t like cheeseburgers because I can’t stand the cheese, but I’ll take a yummy hamburger almost any day of the week.  But obviously, that’s not the point.  Please ignore my idiocy.  

Back In the Kitchen…

Thanks, Alyson, for telling us about this.  Apron A Day is having a giveaway (ends today!!) of a really, really cute apron.  Click here for that link.  These aprons make me wish I lived in the 50’s and my name was June Cleaver or something. 🙂  And I always need to wear an apron anyway because I was blessed to get my mother’s clutzy genes.  If there is any kind of food, sauce, whatever, it always ends up on my shirt.  Always.