A Guide on How to Give Whiplash to Complete Strangers While Shopping

I did the funniest thing Friday!  I was babysitting two little boys, Carter (4 yrs) and Gage (18 months).  We went to pick Aiden up from school (which makes for one full minivan), and I didn’t have any other time to go but then, so I took all five kids to Sam’s Club to buy snacks for Aiden’s kindergarten class.

That’s right.  I said I took all five kids.

Sam’s Club has those freakin’ huge carts that has seats for two kids in the front, but still looks like a regular grocery cart.  I put Parker and Gage in there.  Dallin went in the basket.  I let Aiden and Carter walk under very strict instructions that they were to stay by the cart at all times and if they wandered off or started running and grabbing random things, they would be put in the cart, too.  Dallin didn’t like being in the cart with Aiden and Carter out, and he kept begging to walk, so I agreed to try it.  The boys were doing pretty great for a while.  They mostly stayed right near me and there wasn’t a lot of begging for things other than what we were there for.

The funny part was from the moment I walked into the store until the moment I loaded the boys back in my van, I got the best looks from people.  It was hilarious!  I’ve never seen so many bugged out eyes, slack jaws, and complete astonishment on faces.  Most people talked to the boys and the food sample ladies gave us tons of samples.  I heard a lot of, “Wow!  And they’re all boys!!” as well as , “Are they all yours????”  Once I reassured them that they were not all mine, (“Only three of them,” was my reply) you could just see the relief pass over their faces.  Some people wouldn’t talk to me.  They quickly looked in the other direction, as if I might rub off on them and they will suddenly have a cart full of kids under the age of 5.  I even heard one lady say to her companions, “Oh.  My.  Gosh.  Did you see that??”

I thought it would make me feel like I was a sideshow circus freak, but instead I felt giddy.  It was really a good time to get such a reaction out of everyone.  Really, most people were extra friendly and helpful.  No one was rude.  It was just funny all around!

The Phone Call

The phone rang Sunday night, and Ches was the first to get to it, so he answered.  As I heard him talking, he sounded really confused, and the expression on his face was one of pure bewilderment.  He hung up, and I asked, “Who was on the phone?”

“Oh, I guess I called the wrong number when I called Steve and left a message for him earlier.”

So I asked for a little clarification, finding out that the person Ches had called was just calling back to say “I don’t think Steve got your message.”  That seemed really nice, and so told him I thought so.

“Yeah, well, it was Cara.”

Cara??  As in Fourth Fret?  Zoo?  He called Cara??  Turns out that when Ches was copying the phone number down, he was getting Steve’s number off a little piece of paper I had on the fridge.  The paper said  “Steve & Lara (xxx)xxx-xxxx” on one line, and “Cara (xxx)xxx-xxx” on the next line.  Ches saw Cara and thought it said Lara.  So he got the wrong number.  THEN he tries to blame it on ME, saying I need to differentiate a little better.  Hmpf.  He needs to learn to read, I think.

I called Cara, and we had a good laugh over it all.  She said she heard the message on her machine, and the thought process went something like this:

“Steve?  Who’s Steve?  Hmmm.  They left a number to call back.  Did that say it’s Ches?  But my nephew Ches doesn’t have that deep of a voice.  Hey, I know that phone number.  Oh!  I bet that was Sariah’s husband!  I should call him back.”  She then dials the number, but as the phone rings, she started to panic. “Oh no!  What if it isn’t that Ches?  I didn’t double check.  What if I’m wrong?”  Then Ches answered the phone, so Cara asks if this is Ches, and he says, “Yes”, then she blurts out with, “Are you married to Sariah?”

I know some crazy people, I think. 🙂

Holiday Conversations

I was in Target Friday night, shopping for baby shower I was about to attend, when I heard the following conversation:

Father: Oh, this is cute! Look at this, honey, it’s like a little yarmukle. Do you like this one?
Daughter: Yes, Daddy.
Father: Would you like to get this? You can wear it to Temple tomorrow, okay?
Daughter: Thank you, Daddy!!

I then walk by and see the cutest little 4 year old girl with an infant’s white cap on her head. The white cap had bunny ears, eyes, and a little bunny nose.

Anyone else find it kind of funny that this little girl will be wearing and Easter bunny “yarmukle” to Temple??

*****

Earlier this week, Ches and I were doing some housework in a different part of the house from the kids. I inititated the following conversation:

Me: So, is the Easter Bunny going to do the shopping and get the stuff for the Easter basket this year, or does the Easter Bunny’s wife have to do it again like last year?

Loooong pause as Ches looks at me quizzically.

Ches: Ummm, I thought you were the Easter Bunny!

No wonder there was so much confusion (on my part, at least) last year!

Is That A Mark On Your Forehead, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

It was Labor Day weekend, 1997. Ches had taken me to Calgary to meet his family. (Perhaps I should spell it Labour Day then??) We had been dating for about 6 months, and in that short time I knew I wanted to marry this man. So I wanted to make a good impression on what I hoped would be my future in-laws. Ches’ mother was able to get us discount tickets so we went with Ches’ parents, brother, Tim, Tim’s then-girlfriend Alyson, and their little sister, Rachel to go up the Calgary Tower to the observation deck.

Previously in the summer, the extended family had their annual family reunion up in Calgary, and this was one of the places many people had visited.

It was quite a view up there. It was a perfect day, to be sure. You could see really far. We were having a great time together, all of us telling jokes and stories. Tim and Ches were telling us about the family reunion as we took in the view.

“Remember when we came up here in June? LaDawn leaned over and smacked her forehead right against the window! It was sooo funny!!”

It was at that moment that I leaned out a bit, and I smacked my forehead against the window. Ow.

“Yeah! Just like that!” Tim exclaimed. It took him (and Ches) a moment to realize I didn’t do that on purpose. Everyone had a great time laughing at me.

The window was slanted out, and it’s actually really hard to tell exactly where the window is! Honest!

Several minutes later, Tim and Alyson were talking about it, and Alyson smacked her forehead on the window! A few minutes after that, I did it again! Oh, the laughter. I was pretty embarrassed, but glad that Alyson did it, too. I didn’t feel quite as stupid.

To be fair (to Alyson, LaDawn, and myself), there were a lot of marks on the windows. I doubt we are the only ones to smack our foreheads on the windows of the Calgary Tower.

*****

We were reminded of this story tonight as I was looking out the patio doors tonight. We have the sliding glass doors, and I was looking for a toy on the patio. Somehow, I leaned in and smacked my forehead on the door. Hard.

Ches laughed and said, “It’s not even slanted! How did you do that?”

I can’t believe I actually did that. And now I have a small headache.

More of The Wisdom of Aiden

Aiden and Dallin were watching “Blue’s Clues”, and Aiden came to me with this observation:

“Mom, if this were in Spanish, it would be Azul’s Clues. But it’s not. It’s Blue’s Clues.”

*****

Aiden had a bad dream the other night about two scary boys that took Grandma’s birthday cake. Last night he was talking about the scary boys again, and Ches asked what the scary boys looked like:

“The scary boys look scary. And they have big, funny heads. And when they come to me I said, ‘No! You’re really scary!'”

*****

A local radio station is giving away $10,000 in cash, but you have to fine the “fugitive” that is holding the money. They said this fugitive took the van that was delivering the cash to the radio station, and when the van was later found, it was trashed but missing the money. The fugitive called the radio station and said he would call at certain times with clues. If you found him and asked him if he is the fugitive, you get the money. Aiden heard all this information on the radio, and was quite concerned:

“Mom, the man with the scary voice took the van and all the money! We have to chase him!”

Later, Aiden was a little worried for the sake of our family minivan:

“Will the man with the scary voice take our van and all our gas and all our money? We need our money. I’m going to go to college someday. When I’m grown up.”

Aiden Is Just Soooooo Punny!!

Aiden’s favorite subject of late has been space and the galaxy and all that goes with it (planets, stars, rockets, etc.). The other night we were at a friend’s house for dinner and a swim in the pool. Aiden had me as the rocketship, and would say things like “Let’s fly to Saturn!” He would hang onto my neck and I would swim to different parts of the pool with him.

At one point Aiden asked, “Mom, what’s on the moon?”

“Moon rocks.”

“Mom, and space rocks.”

“Yes, Aiden, and space rocks.”

“And space sand.”

“Yes, Aiden, I’m sure there is space sand on the moon, too.”

“Yeah, Mom. And the space sand is outta this world!!”