Irritated

Is it part of pregnancy that I find myself so overly irritated by just about every one around me and everything that is happening? I am SO annoyed. SO irritated. SO bothered.

As mentioned in the comments on my last post, I feel like I have to justify all of my thoughts or actions. WHY? I do not. Guess what? I’m 35 years old. I pretty much know what I’m doing by now. I still make tons of mistakes, but WHY should I have to explain away my actions, my thoughts, my desires? This is not my first pregnancy. This is actually my fifth. This will be my fourth child born. My fourth c-section. I think I know a little bit of what I’m doing. However, I have people around me constantly trying to give me advice and tell me how I should be feeling and what I should be expecting. Ummmm, no.

We don’t even need to get into politics. I try to keep my mouth shut because no one ever agrees on politics. Why can’t people just trust that I’m going to try to make the best decisions after carefully studying and thinking out the process? We have our Arizona primary coming up. I got my sample ballot in the mail yesterday. I’m pretty sure I know who I’m going to vote for, but I’m not positive yet because there is still more to look at. There always is. (Oh no. I just realized that by advertising I will be voting in the primary now everyone knows I’m registered Republican. Let the flaming commence…) I hate politics. I’m sick of the presidential election. I’m sick of the bickering and fighting and the stupid things that are getting in the way of the actual issues (seriously… Romney speaks French fluently. Why is this a problem again? Just one example of how the politicians are taking small things and blowing them up when they never mattered in the first place).

I’m sick of being me right now. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not allowed to have an opinion on anything because I don’t speak as firmly or loudly as someone else.

I’m constantly annoyed by being told how, when, and why to do things. I’m a big girl. I can figure it out. If I need help, I’ll ask. These aren’t big things. It’s inconsequential things, like how to clean the blinds or where to put my kids’ beds. What do I actually need help and advice on? How to deal with doctors and ADHD diagnoses and major anger issues in a 6 year old… And I’m pretty sure on those I have asked for help from certain people and I completely appreciate their advice. If your child does not have ADHD and/or is highly Gifted, you have no idea what I’m going through so stop telling me things like, “He’ll just have to learn how to focus. You can’t hold his hand.” You. Don’t. Know. (Some of you reading this really do know what I’m going through, so of course I’m not talking to you in this paragraph. I need your advice and I need to hear how you dealt with things and what your child did. cough*Karen*cough)

You know what doesn’t irritate me? Support. Kind, loving words from my real friends. The ones who say things like, “I love you. You’re doing a great job. This will come to an end. I’ll pray for you.” I’d love it if you could bring me a yummy sandwich for lunch and say, “Hey, how are you feeling today? Can I take Parker so you can take a nap?” But that’s just not going to happen. My real friends are all too far away. They are the ones reading this now.

Oh yeah. I’m irritated that all y’all live far away from me. I can’t be there physically to help you, either. It drives me batty. I want to be able to be the shoulder to cry on, the one to come do your dishes or take your kids. The one to say “hey, I found this job listing from whatever company around the corner. Maybe it could help?” But no. We’re all spread out from coast to coast, in different countries, and it’s hard to not have that physical presence sometimes. So I’m irritated by that. Don’t get me wrong. I’m loving the support that I do get from each of you, my real and true friends. You are amazing and give me just what I need, when I need it. But it gets lonely sometimes when you have to stare at a computer screen in order to feel any love.

And now you know. I’m irritated, annoyed, and kind of angry on a pretty regular basis. Three more months and then this baby will be here and let’s hope I don’t have to deal with PPD this time so I can move on to being a happy mother again.

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12 responses to “Irritated

  1. You intrigued me with your comment so I had to come over and see this rant. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’m still having a hard time reading “all y’all” and making it sound right in my head. It’s just funny. Keep up the good work mamma and if all goes well you and Ches should be in Calgary by the end of the year. 😉 how is that for rumor starting? Seriously wouldn’t it be fun to make fun of how each of us say things. Oh well it’s not meant to be. Have a better day Sariah and go find a victory. Seriously, that’s going to be my new mantra. Yay Cara.

  2. I miss you. really. we didn’t have a ton of interaction but what we did have, I enjoyed. I find your opinions and scrappy attitude delightful and your “realness”:) is refreshing. I hope you find rest (physically and emotionally) soon:) you deserve it!
    I know you are going through a lot and much of it I do not know a lot about but you are in my prayers. be you, its good and its enough.
    ((BTW, kids and I see a chiropractor who specializes in all around Wellness and has helped me make leaps and bounds wiof tissuesas well. lmk if youwant his contact info-sold on it when I went to him but it has really been life-size changing))

  3. ok the end of my post got all messed up. I meant to say that he has helped with my anxiety issues and my girls are feeling really good.
    *life-changing not life-size changing haha…Dang auto-correct spelling on my phone!!

  4. Just like my rant the other day, I wish I could run from coast to coast just to hug all of you! Our small blog reunion last summer was not enough, because not all of us were there! I do love that I can at least come to my computer to feel love, even if it isn’t the same… remember that we do love you, we do support you, and we read your rants and shout out to the universe that WE HEAR YOU!

    This too shall pass. right?

  5. Well, I’m irritated with your stupid irritations! Just grow up already! Come one! LIfe is a cake walk if you are doing things right. You must just be doing things wrong. Seriously, just pray, read your scriptures, go to church and love your children all the time and everything else will just be perfect!

    Or so I’m told…:D

    Love you!!

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