Date Night

Ches and I don’t actually do date night. I know we’re supposed to have a regular date night, and I know that we would both like to have one. However, there are several reasons why we don’t.

For our monthly Relief Society Meeting next week, one of my neighbors is teaching a class about date night ideas. She sent out a little survey to everyone last week. Yesterday I showed up to park day and she said, “Okay, you haven’t answered my survey so I’m going to ask you the questions right now…”

I interrupted. And I yelled at her (I’m really, really sorry for yelling at you Jill. It was just a bad day.), “I’ll give you the answers. We don’t have date night. We don’t go on dates. My husband works so much that we hardly have time to go. We can’t afford a babysitter. I have tried several times to get into or set up a swap with people that were interested, but then they drop out for whatever reason. It falls through. And then I find out later they have set up a swap with someone else. So no, we don’t have dates. I don’t have a ‘Best Date Ever’ because just getting a date is the Best Date Ever. And I don’t have any good ideas for a date I have wanted to try because I just want to be able to go out with my husband in the first place.”

I really didn’t mean to sound so angry and bitter, but it came out like that. Really, I kind of am angry and bitter about it. I can’t figure out how to get a babysitting swap going. I have tried countless times. I have approached people and I have been approached by people. In the end, it always falls through. I give up. Later, when I hear some of these people are in a different babysitting swap that they managed to set up with some other couples, I just end up more bitter and angry. I’m very hurt. What’s wrong with me? Do people not trust me to be with their kids? Do people not like me? Do they not like my kids? In my head, it’s all of that. They don’t like me, they don’t like my kids, and they don’t trust me. I could go on a whole different rant about that. Again, I’m sure I’m just being paranoid and overreacting, but it’s hard not to feel disliked and distrusted when not only is no one available to you, but you are never asked to babysit for them, or do favors for them, or even have your kid play with theirs.

I’m counting down the years until Aiden can start watching his brothers. 3 more years and he’ll be 11 and I’ll be okay leaving him for a short amount of time. Until then… do I just give up on dates? Absolutely not! Instead, I spend countless hours texting and phoning and emailing. I scramble and scramble. I usually find someone in the end, but there have been a lot of times where I’ve had to give up and not attend something because I can’t find a sitter.

Ches is taking his orchestra students to see Joshua Bell tonight. I had to scramble to find a sitter, and thankfully my new walking partner and friend volunteered. She happened to be at my house when I got the text from the teenager we had asked saying she had a family thing. My friend said, “let me check my schedule, but I think I can do it.” Oh, thank you thank you thank you, Jeanetta! Now I just need to find someone for tomorrow afternoon and next Thursday night… We’re going into debt just to attend these concerts, but dang it, I’m going to see Wynton Marsalis next week no matter what! Again, Ches is taking students. I’m counting both of these as dates, however.

You take what you can get.

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6 responses to “Date Night

  1. I’m totally with you on the date thing. We just can’t afford to do anything. No one around here has young kids like us that don’t have bigger kids to do the babysitting. So, Jody and I use our drive to orchestra as our ‘date’ and my mom babysits for free. Some of the YW babysit free when we go to church meetings or the temple. That’s about it for us. Just know that I feel your pain!

  2. Whoa, this same thing came up at a homeschool thing I was at last week! Everyone was talking about friday being date night and where they were all going and asked where I was going and I laughed and said that Nathan and I have been on ONE date in the last year. They were horrified.

    I don’t even have a good excuse other than: we’re cheap. Dates cost money. We’re poor. We’d rather have $20 in the bank than a pricey dinner. Really, it doesn’t bother me that we don’t date. What can I say, Nathan was home 95% of the time with his last job. Now he’s home 100% of the time haha. Every day is a date for me 😀 (I soooooo hope the next job doesn’t keep him away all the time!)

  3. If I were closer I’d be in a babysitting group with you!
    Does your church ever have a Parent’s Night Out? (if not, maybe you could plant that idea in someone’s head). Ours has one once a month and they charge $5 for the first 2 kids and $1 per child after that. They hire nursery workers and it usually lasts from 5:30 to 9:30. It’s not free, but it’s fairly cheap and they make a little money to pay their workers. For a lot of people it’s the only time they have to go out (or go to Wal Mart, or go home and read a book or whatever)It’s a great thing!

  4. We don’t do date nights either. It’s too expensive. It’s too annoying to prepare for a sitter. I just inherently don’t trust other people with my kids…I really don’t. I am happy to do at home date nights in my room with the door closed, a special treat just for me and hubs and a movie that we may have watched a bzillion times. Girl, I SO get this.

    K.

  5. PS: I ESPECIALLY don’t trust the youth of the church to babysit my kids at their “babysitting” events. Too many kids get neglected, sad, hurt etc,…SO not worth it.
    K.

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