If Clothes Could Talk

Today I started the day wearing my size 16 jeans and feeling really, really fat.  I have lost enough weight, however, that these jeans are just a little too big and much too uncomfortable. Both pairs of size 14 jeans were in the wash. I ended up putting on one pair even though they need washing because they are more comfortable than the 16s. My 16s are saying to me, “Sariah, I’m still so dark because I’m your newest pair of jeans. I’m not new enough to be too stiff to wear, however. Sure, you’ve lost weight, but you know you’ll gain it back, so keep me. Put me back on. Put on a belt for now, and just deal with it. You know you love me.”

Meanwhile, my 14s are just begging me to throw them in the wash already. They are faded and torn at the bottom. They are slightly tight at the waist, but fit everywhere else. And they are still begging me to wash them.

From my closet you can hear a faint screaming. That would be the size 12 and 10 jeans. They have been packed away in boxes of clothes that I love, but I’m just too big for. I refuse to get rid of them in the vain hope that I will wear them again. They are screaming for help: “Please, Sariah!! We love you! We miss you! We can’t breathe in here!!” They forget that I can breath in them. I can’t even button them up. So they must stay squashed in boxes in the back of the closet.

I had a funeral several years ago for my size 8 jeans. You can’t hear them.

My size 6 and size 4 jeans moved out with the ’90s. I actually liked the ’90s. I miss the 6s and 4s, but it is impractical to even think about them. They are probably a part of someone’s denim quilt. I wonder if they think of me like I think of them.


7 responses to “If Clothes Could Talk

  1. I don’t think I ever even wore size 8. Maybe 10s. But someday I’d love to get into some 12s again. Though my first goal after this pregnancy is to fit all the 14s that I refuse to get rid of (I love them!).

  2. oh sariah, you make me laugh! that was a very entertaining post. and good job with the weight loss, keep it up… then you can have a funeral for the 16’s 🙂

  3. hahaha, you are funny. I think its funny how a whole decade could’ve been great because you were a size six or a size four. Thats how I refer to years as my weight has always been in flux. 22 was a good year.

  4. I’m going to be thinking all day about what my clothes are saying. I have a few items that are probably saying “please put me in the box with your skinny clothes, you’re hurting me when you try to wear me and it isn’t doing you any favours, either!”

  5. hahaha! I seriously love this post Sariah! I don’t *EVER* remember wearing anything less than a size 10. At my absolute skinniest that I can remember I was a size 11. ahhh, back in the day….

    When my sister was visiting this week I pulled out all the size 11-12 clothes and let her sift through them to take what she wants (and I even refrained from crying when she took all the cute stuff that I’ll never fit into again!). I’m giving the rest to goodwill. They’ve been in boxes far too long. Time to give it up–if I ever do manage to fit into anything less than a 14, well, it’ll be so far in the future that we’ll be rich and famous and I’ll just buy new clothes! Right now I’ve only got 1 pair of 14s that fit, 1 pair of 16s, and two pairs of maternity pants that don’t look maternity so i hope people don’t notice haha

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