I’m bored and need something new to read. I don’t have any money for the bookstore, and I can’t use the library (it’s complicated and embarrassing, so I’m not talking about why I can’t use the library). I have read all the books on my bookshelf a million times. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to read them a million more times.
I decided to read Twilight again the other day. Then I read Midnight Sun the next day. Last night I started New Moon. I’ve read it several times now (this is probably number 5??), and yet I’m reading it and still hoping for a different outcome. You know, instead of Edward leaving Bella, I’m foolishly hoping that this time he’ll stick around and there won’t be that heartache. Sucks for Jacob if Edward doesn’t leave, but I can’t stand what his leaving does to her. It hurts my heart to think of it. She is so swallowed up in her misery and I really feel for her. I haven’t had anything like that, but I know what if feels like to be so down and depressed that if feels like you’re in a constant, drowning fog and you’re not aware of what’s going on or if you’re even alive anymore. I get it. And I don’t like it. I don’t want Edward to do that to Bella.
So yeah, I’m way past that part of the book now, but my heart was beating extra fast and I was feeling quite anxious and thinking the whole time, “Don’t do it this time, Edward. Don’t leave her! Stay! Stay with Bella. She needs you and you need her and it will be better if you just stay.”
Sadly, it didn’t change. He still left. I wish I was friends with Stephenie Meyer and I could convince her to write a “what if” story where he stayed. I have a few ideas of how the plot could go. 🙂 She could write it just for me. Again, I’m foolishly hoping…