I have a new best friend. Her name is Tiffabee. We’ve never actually met. We’ve never shared an email or chatted on line. In fact, Tiffabee doesn’t even know I exist. But that doesn’t make me love her any less. You see, I found her blog, How to Eat a Cheeseburger, and I’m hooked. This blog is devoted to helping women realize that skinny does NOT equal healthy and fat does NOT equal unhealthy. That women need to embrace beauty of all shapes, that curves are beautiful, to throw your scale out the window, to stop worrying what size jeans you wear, and just eat a cheeseburger! (Or a turkeyburger, or a veggieburger… you get the idea)
Striving to be thin and a constant obsession with thinness does not help one’s self-esteem. Yes, I would LOVE to be thinner. Alyson and I were just talking about that on the phone. I don’t pay much attention to the number on the scale anymore. I pay attention to what I look like in the mirror and how my clothes fit. I would love to wear those cute little t-shirts I got after I had Dallin, but who knows if I’ll get thin again. My goals should have less to do with being thin than with being healthy. Working out is good, as long as I’m striving for health. I want to be able to walk my 60 miles for The 3 Day. I want to be able to play with my boys without getting winded in the first 2 minutes. I want to fully realize that my husband loves me no matter what size I am.
This is not going to be easy for me. Growing up and being so skinny was hard. I always heard about how I needed to gain a few pounds. In college I once went to the health center because I was really sick (turned out I had strep and bronchitis). The doctor looked at my throat for literally 2 seconds, then asked me if I was anorexic. It sucked that I could never fit the hand-me-downs given to me, or that I could rarely borrow clothes from friends or roommates because I would drown in them without belts (which I hate to wear) or pins and things holding the clothes in place in weird areas. I hated being teased about my nearly flat chest by my friends.
However, I loved that my aunt would go shopping and see this cute little dress and send it to me and it was a perfect fit. I loved that I looked really good in it. I loved that my wrists were actually really bony looking. I loved that my guy friends in high school told me I had the best butt of all the girls we knew (while I pretended to be offended that they even looked!). I loved that I could eat a large pizza or the Big Jud’s Special all by myself and seriously not gain an ounce. I loved that as a senior in high school, I could fit into my 1st grade sister’s Catholic school skirt. Yeah, it was short, but it was funny to me. I loved that when I was trying on wedding dresses they had to pull in the sample dress SO much to give me an idea of how the real dress would fit. I loved being skinny (even though I hated being called skinny. So derogatory to me at a young age. I preferred to be called thin).
I really need to get over this obsession that being thin or skinny or whatever will make me happy! If I lose a ton of weight, will I really be happy?? Sure, I might be more comfortable (having all this extra weight is really not fun… especially in this Arizona heat!), but when will I say, “Okay, I’m good. I’m thin enough.”?? Or will I constantly think I need to be thinner? And what if I can lose a lot of weight, but I still have a flabby tummy after having three c-sections? And stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, and under arms?? When will I feel good enough?
I want to feel good enough regardless of what size jeans I wear. I want to feel good enough regardless if I will ever even fit an arm into my wedding dress again. I want to feel good enough regardless if I can wear that cute t-shirt that Ches bought for me that has Princess Leia on it and that I’ve never actually worn because he bought it while I was in this last pregnancy and then I never lost any of the weight.
I know deep down that my body shape doesn’t matter to anyone who actually cares about me. I know deep down that it’s my personality and the things that I do that attracts friends. But I often have a hard time reaching deep down and keeping that as a priority rather than getting thin. Thinner. Because seriously, what IS thin? There will always be thinner.
So now I’m an avid Cheeseburger fan*. Check it out. You may like it, too!! This isn’t a site promoting fat girls. It’s a site promoting body acceptance, true beauty acceptance. Everyone is different. Some women are supposed to weigh 110, and some women are supposed to weigh 160. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So… no skinny girl bashing, and no fat girl bashing. Just total acceptance. Anyone else feel like a Cheeseburger?
*Okay, so actually I don’t like cheeseburgers because I can’t stand the cheese, but I’ll take a yummy hamburger almost any day of the week. But obviously, that’s not the point. Please ignore my idiocy.