I Just Don’t Know…

Okay, folks. I’ve mentioned before how Aiden has turned into a completely different kid, and I miss the old, sweet Aiden. Sometimes the old Aiden pops out of the woodwork, but lately all I have is this horrible child!!

A few nights ago we were at a little get-together for a friend who is graduating from med school this weekend. Ches couldn’t make it because there was an awards assembly at his high school. I was there with the three boys by myself. I wouldn’t think it was a big deal because this friend is the father of the two little boys I used to tend and my kids looooooove those kids. We arrived and all three boys ran back to the bedroom to play. No problem.

I didn’t want to stay too long because it was getting close to bedtime, but we arrived later than I had planned, and the kids were being pretty good, so we stayed a little longer. The kids started to act up a bit after a while (not just mine… all the kids there), so I decided to say our good-byes. Aiden decided at that same moment that he wanted another brownie. I told him no because he’d already had one and he had eaten a bunch of junk at home before we came.

The demon came out as Aiden stood in the middle of the living room (where everyone was sitting and conversing, of course) and started to cry and whine. Then he screamed as he cried, “Iiiiiii waaaaaaaaaant a broooowwwwwwwwwniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!” I had to literally drag him out the door. I was so embarrassed by his behavior.

Last night was an outdoor concert with Ches’ bands and orchestra. I sat in the very back so the kids could run around on the grass. However, everytime I had to remind Aiden that he had to run without yelling, he’d start to throw a fit! I made him sit down with me, and he’d start the crying and screaming again. Again… I was so embarrassed. Add to that Dallin wanting his dad and running up the aisle faster than I and almost getting his dad in the middle of a piece. Ches had no idea, of course, but still. It was not a good night.

Aiden is having more and more bad days at school. We make him go to bed early. We take away priveleges (last week is was no X Box and this week it’s no computer). We have long talks about what is acceptable behavior and what is not. He makes all these promises to be better, but nothing seems to be working! I am at my wit’s end! What do I do with this kid?!?!?! When he acts up like this, it also sets his younger brothers off. I can’t handle all that. The thought has started to creep into my head “I hate my kids”, and I don’t want that in my head. At all. Ever.

I want the old Aiden back.

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9 responses to “I Just Don’t Know…

  1. Have you tried the old “five minute warning” before initiating any change? It’s tough to do when your own plans for leaving a venue are not set in stone, but sometimes kids just need a bit of time to make the transition between one activity and another. You are probably already doing this, though.

    Another approach could be to use praise to encourage good behaviour. This is easy with the oldest, because you just say how proud you are of the way he behaves and sets a good example for the younger kids.

    Also, taking away privileges only does so much. With a kid as intelligent as Aiden, sometimes working towards a reward is a better incentive for self-control. (It’s like having a job. Some days you don’t want to go, but you do it for the paycheck.) He still has the choice to behave badly and forgo the reward, but if it’s the right incentive, usually a kid will be able to muster the self-control necessary.

    And finally, hang in there Sariah! You’re doing a great job with all the stress you’re under with the move and everything. It’s just a passing phase. You’ll all be through it in no time and back to a peaceful household.

  2. Yep, yep, yep..I totally and truly understand. I was told by a lady at the mall the other day while my 5 year old was having a fit that boys get “much easier when they are teenagers”…HAHA! Apparently she raised 5 boys or something and felt the need for unsolicited advice as it was…it made me giggle anyways.

    I truly have no words of wisdom as I am currently pulling out my own hair on a number of similar issues. Hehe. Oh to be a mother!

    And yes, I really think that we need to talk ont he phone one of these times!

    K.

  3. Hey girl, I obviously haven’t been in the situation myself because I don’t have any little ones….however you should give my sister (Robin) a call and you guys can compare notes. She’s been having a heck of a time with Billy for ages now (he’s almost five). I’ve never been one to say a child is “bad”, but even my mom says that about him….horrible to admit, but it’s so true. He can be such an angel at times, but then in a matter of seconds, he will turn on you. Let me know if you want to call Robin sometime….I’m sure she’d love to hear from you! As would I of course!! LOL

  4. Have you tried keeping a food/behavior diary and seeing if there happens to be anything that sets him off? We were having issues with Hyrum and I found some different foods that after eating he almost always has a breakdown. So now we try to avoid those foods and life is easier, not perfect just easier.

  5. I think you just have to keep trying. He WILL even out eventually.

    I like Karen’s response. Notice and reward the good behaviors. Maybe get a candy jar and anytime you catch him being good he gets a small candy. Maybe come up with a really great reward–like a trip to Chuck-E-Cheese–and make a chart where he has to be good for X number of days to get the really big reward.

    A book you might want to read is “So You Want to Raise a Boy?” By Skousen. It goes year by year from birth to age 21 on characteristics of boys and “right” and “wrong” things you can do while parenting them. He is a fantastic writer (and also LDS). See if your library has the book, maybe it’ll help understand why Aiden is pushing so much.

  6. I so understand what you are going through – my oldest was my champion temper tantrum thrower, it was awful and so hard to deal with – now she does really well and most people are shocked if I mention how many tamtrums she threw.

    My second was always really sweet but in the last few years really got an attitude on her – the has been a major change since her baptism on Sunday – she isn’t perfect, but there has been a change.

    Emily was the happy go lucky sweet heart, and now she has her talk back moments, etc.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that it really just goes with the territory as the grow and begin to struggle with their independance.

    Working towards rewards helps a lot – for a long time we did a get caught being good chart and everyone had to look for the good things that the others were doing. Everytime we caught something good a sticker went on the chart – kids could catch people doing good too. It emphasized good and positive behavior. Any thing you do though will be fun and exciting at first and then die off – change and variety is really helpful.

    I was having such a hard time at one point that I kept a journal where I forced myself to write 5 positive things about each kid everyday – it really helped my attitude and to see that there was a lot of positive if I chose to see it.

    You are doing a great job Sariah, hang in there! 🙂

  7. I find this advice to be true with our boys:

    Elder Marion G.Romney
    I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will ready from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity – the pure love of Christ – will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.
    – General Conference Address, April 1980

    It’s such a simple thing but it really makes a noticeable difference.

    Love ya,
    Natalie

  8. Karen was right on the money…but Camille has a point. Wit all the ADD in our family, you should know that sometimes foods can be major triggers [not in your brother’s case…] and her suggestion is excellent. Sometimes it’s the obvious–like “red jello days” Every Primary school teacher hates them, but still the cafeterias serve red jello. Why?

    I used to have that Skousen book, and if I find it as I pack, I’ll send it along. It is rather old, and there are other LDS books of the same ilk that are more current–check the Deseret Book web site.

    Using your journal to help to be positive is a good idea, and you already knew [even if you’ve forgotten] that daily–preferably am family Book of Mormon reading is invaluable. I don’t think I could have raised my kids without it.

  9. Camille has a great point… Food is a major trigger and causes meltdowns in our family too. I find that is almost always related to sugar. Also positive reinforcement does ten times as much as taking away privileges. Kids love hearing how good they are and having praise from their parents. We have one child that is having a tough time and I made a point to say only positive things.

    Being positive and using praise is really hard to do when you are at your wits end but it does work. My relationship is really improving with my little guy. He is behaving a lot better now as well.

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