I am such a bad mommy. Really and truely. I’ve been having a hard time of late, and I don’t really know why. Everything has been getting to me, and Ches’ long hours at school haven’t helped. I told him the other day that I’m going to need “a night off” where I can do whatever I want all by myself. He’s totally fine with that. I think he wants his normal wife back.
Monday night I was going to take my night off, but by the time Ches got home and I got dinner prepared, I just didn’t want to go out. I still needed some quiet time, so I locked myself into the computer room and played on the computer and ate my dinner and basically ignored the rest of the family for an hour or so.
Ches did great with the boys. He fed them, played with them, then started their baths. I figured I could help out a little with that, and as I was helping Aiden get washed up, Ches had to go make an important phone call for work. I was talking to Aiden about all sorts of stuff, and the subject of where I was at dinner came up. I told him I needed some quiet time. When he asked me why, I replied with The Worst Thing To Say To Your Child.
“If Mommy doesn’t get quiet time every now and then, I’m just going to run away forever.”
Aiden took me completely seriously and started crying. Bawling. I had just ripped his heart out and eaten it for my bedtime snack. I spent the next hour and a half apologizing and saying I didn’t mean it, that I was just kidding, and that I will never, ever run away. I wouldn’t even make it to the end of the block because I love my family so much! Aiden was still very upset at bedtime and hugged me extra tight as a few more tears poured from his eyes.
As he got dressed the next morning, he was acting very depressed, and when I asked him what’s wrong, he said he really, really, really didn’t want me to run away. So I started the apology process all over again. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him I’m not running away. All he believes is one stupid, flip reply. It’s amazing how one sentence can hurt someone so much. I guess I have to keep working on the “I’m not running away. Never, ever. I love you and I’m staying here forever and ever” until he starts to believe me. And I bet I don’t get any more nights off any time soon.