Warning: This is a complainy post. I’m not in a good mood. If you want to be uplifted, please read my previous two posts and come back another day. This is not an uplifting post day.
We had our last winterguard rehearsal. The kids wanted to meet early because one had to leave for a church activity. The others were all going to invite family and friends to watch them perform. Our first, last, and only actual performance was supposed to be on Friday, but were informed that this particular assembly wouldn’t have any student performers this year (as what had normally been done in the past). So this performance for our families was going to be it.
I showed up to rehearsal and there was already a lot of drama going on between the kids. Because of the cancellation of our Friday performance. There were tears and foul language. I sat the kids down and said “This is what’s going on” and then we tried to come up with what we were going to do instead.
I looked around and realized that most of the kids were wearing jeans. Jeans are NOT rehearsal clothes. Shorts, dance pants, sweats, workout clothes… those are rehearsal clothes. They know this. Because we had rehearsal early, the kids “forgot” their dance clothes. I was furious. I had to send them home to change. One girl said, “But I’m wearing stretchy jeans! See??” Uhhh, no. I don’t care. Jeans are jeans. We talked about this starting Day One of rehearsals.
A couple kids stayed to learn stuff they had missed to get ready for the family performance, which by popular vote had been moved up from 8 pm to 6:30 pm. At 6 I had to run home and get my family, frost the cupcakes, change my clothes into something respectable, feed the baby, and get back in time to rehearse the kids. Yeah. That so didn’t happen.
The family performance sucked. I mean it really, really sucked. The kids forgot half the choreography that we had spent so much time on Monday night. They couldn’t remember all of their drill. The CD skipped a couple of times towards the end, thereby cutting out probably a good 40 to 56 counts. They wanted to try again, so we hooked up one kid’s mp3 player to the stereo to play the song. Wierd things happened. The sound would get really loud and fuzzy, then go back to normal. That happened several times. Again, the kids didn’t do all of the cool choreography (we had this awesome ripple towards the end!!). But at least this time we didn’t skip any of it.
Everyone promised they would bring treats to share (like cookies and stuff) and we’d have a grand ol’ time. Or so I thought. One girl brought pizzas and her sister bought french bread and spinach dip (but no one thought to get out the bread and dip, so we didn’t have that) and I brought my cupcakes. Suck.
A couple weeks ago our floor got folded up really badly, and since we didn’t get it finished with the painting, we didn’t worry about it much. It’s really heavy and hard to fold, so I was waiting for a time when we were all together to get it folded properly, and I thought after our family performance would be the perfect time. One girl (who has the most drama… another kid describes her as the most emo kid he’s ever met) was about to leave, so I asked her if she would be able to stay and help fold the floor. She looked at me and whined, “But I haven’t been home all day!!” I just about lost it. I just looked at her and said, “Fine, whatever. Go home. I’m not forcing you to do anything.” She stayed and helped anyway.
I feel like the whole season turned into one big failure. I feel like no matter what I tried, things just wouldn’t go right. I came home to the messiest house in the whole world. I can’t get it clean. My kids are so active and were running around the gym, screaming and playing as I’m trying to introduce myself to the parents and tell them a little about what we were doing. It just feels like everything — not just winterguard, either — has failed. I am the biggest failure ever.
I’m scared of Child Protective Services coming to take my kids away because while I was in the back of the house, feeding the baby, the older two kids got out of the house and ran down the street and had to be brought home by a stranger. My kids and I were all in our pajamas, even though it was 11 am. I never heard the door open. Aiden proudly announced, “We had an adventure and we were lost, Mom!”
I’m scared the school district is going to call me and say “You didn’t take your kids to any competitions, you didn’t perform in any shows, and your show sucked rocks, so we’d like the money we paid you back, please.”
I’m scared that I’m never going to get these bills paid from Parker’s birth and I’ll end up having to declare bankruptcy.
I’m scared that parents are going to complain that their kids didn’t do enough in winterguard and I suck and don’t hire Sariah back in the fall.
I have failed at everything I’ve tried to do lately. I need some successes pretty soon here. And don’t tell me “Hey, you are a success at failing! Good job!” because I might just have to kick you in the head for that one.