Don’t worry, everyone. I’m not going to talk about anything graphic. I just have some things I’ve been thinking about that I would like some opnions on because I’m curious about what others think.
How many of you watch “Desperate Housewives”? I don’t think most of you do. I love the show. It cracks me up most of the time. Anyway, there is a little story line going on right now about the daughter of one of the “housewives”. The daughter, Julie, has started dating the resident Bad Boy (I’ll call him BB because I can’t remember the character’s actual name). Being teenagers, they are “in love” and making out a lot, and of course he is pressuring her to have sex. In the last episode, she was saying “No, I don’t think I’m ready yet” and he was saying to her “That’s fine, but you can’t blame me for trying” and stuff like that.
Julie then goes to her friend (can’t remember her name, either, so we’ll call her Neighbor Girl, or NG) and is talking about this dilemna. Neighbor Girl says if you aren’t ready, don’t do it (and she says she should know because basically she is a slut and she knows that, too). Julie is a little worried about the pressure, and Neighbor Girl’s brother walks in and interjects with the whole idea that if Bad Boy isn’t getting sex from Julie, he’s getting it from somewhere else. Julie insists that BB is a “gentleman”, and NG insists that not all guys are that bad, but the brother insists that it’s just the way guys are.
Julie worries some more and decides to have sex with Bad Boy. The end of the episode shows us that BB is indeed sleeping with someone else… you see him in bed with a girl (can’t see her face yet) and he says, “I don’t think we should be doing this anymore.” Of course, who sits up? Neighbor Girl. She replies, “Just because Julie slept with you doesn’t mean we can’t keep having fun.”
Yes, we all know NG is a slut. That isn’t the point of all this.
In tonight’s episode, there is a whole ordeal with Julie and Bad Boy about birth control and how they are “in love” and want to be responsible. Julie’s mom (Susan) finds Julie’s pack of birth control pills, freaks out, finds out that Bad Boy’s aunt (Edie) is the one who helped Julie get them, and confronts Edie. As Susan and Edie are arguing and walk into Edie’s house, who do they find going at it on the couch? Bad Boy and Neighbor Girl. At the end of the episode Susan breaks the news to Julie, who is of course heartbroken. It’s her first love, you know. Who can blame her?
Anyway… this is what I’m wondering about:
Are guys (especially sexually active guys) really that shallow? Or is it just a few of them? I know that most of us are married to guys that were either not sexually active until we married them, or I don’t think they were that kind of scum to sleep with two girls at the same time. But I wonder about a lot of these guys.
I wonder because I remember being in high school, dating a guy who did not share the same set of standards that I did. I really liked this guy a LOT (okay, I admit it… it was my first love, but I was 17. What did I know about love back then??). Yes, the guy was Jerk Faced Liar. Jerk Faced Liar had been sexually active before we dated, and I knew that. I made it clear that I was not willing to have sex until I married. In the time that we dated, the pressure to have sex grew and grew.
(Side note to Mom… if you are reading this, and I’m sure you are… I know that you know that pressure was there, so you don’t have to talk about it, okay? I also know you were scared to death for what I may or may not have been doing because I remember the night I came in after a date and woke you up. I was sobbing and couldn’t talk and you were trying to comfort me and saying things like “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.” and it dawned on me “Oh my gosh, my mom thinks I’m pregnant!” and when I told you why I was crying, I could see the complete relief on your face!!)
I sometimes wondered this when I was dating Jerk Faced Liar, but I was blinded by how much I cared for him and didn’t think it would be possible. Every now and then the thought came into my head that after another date and another time of no sex, did he go to someone else after taking me home? Was he getting sex from someone else? It was never more than a fleeting thought at the time, and was NEVER anything to make me think I had to sleep with him to keep him, but the thought did cross my mind a few times.
In the years after we broke up, Jerk Faced Liar admitted lying to me about several things while we were dating… the two biggest things being that he never believed in my church and only joined to make me happy (you wouldn’t believe the discussions we had about how important it was to both of us to not change religion for someone else, but for our individual self only) and that he had never actually quit smoking when we had this big bet going on about it and I “lost” the bet when he didn’t smoke (turns out he smoked whenever I wasn’t around and would try to cover it up… all our friends knew but me. Boy, do I still feel like such an idiot for trusting him!!).
After Jerk Faced Liar admitted these things to me, I started to wonder again whether or not he “cheated” while we were dating, but I never asked. I’m not in contact with him now, and I’m not about to get in contact with him (yes, I do know how to find him if I need to) just to have this question answered.
Do I really want to know the answer? If the answer is yes, he did cheat, then what does that accomplish? More hurt and pain for me. I would feel stupid all over again for trusting someone like that. I would hate myself all over again for even dating someone that I KNEW didn’t share my beliefs and values, no matter how many interests we shared. If the answer is no, will that change my opinion on Jerk Faced Liar and how he treated me? Not hardly. He still lied about so many other things and treated me horribly after we broke up (he kissed a so-called friend the DAY AFTER we broke up! And we only broke up to make it “official” or something because I was leaving to go to college 2000 miles away 2 weeks later!! He was still kissing me! Anyway…)
I talked about it a little with Mr. Universe. I asked his opinion: Are guys really like that? He said he doesn’t think so, but then again maybe there are a bunch out there that do think that way because the “world” says casual sex is okay. To us, sex is sacred and special, and I don’t want to have sex with anyone else… ever. Just him. I don’t want him to have sex with anyone else but me. I can’t even THINK about if one of us has shared that experience with someone other than each other because it is such a special thing, and I don’t like that so many people treat sex as such a casual thing. It should be special! Not just something fun to do. Not just something that feels good at the time. Casual sex just cheapens what I have with my husband.
My opinion, of course. (And it’s what I tell my “girls” when they start talking about sex and want my opinion about stuff. Heh)
So basically, I want to know your opinion… other than those “straight-arrow” kind of guys (you know, the LDS returned missionaries and such, for the most part), are guys just really that needy for sex that they would jeopardize a great relationship with one girl that he shares interests and love but not sex just to satisfy his so-called needs with another girl (friend or otherwise)?
Like I said, it’s not something that I HAVE to know about in my own past, but I am curious as to what is really out there. Am I in such a bubble or that naive to think that most guys really are going to be “gentlemen” and listen when their girlfriend says “No, I’m not ready for that kind of a relationship”???