I am a jealous wife. I’m really just figuring this out. However, it’s not other women that I am jealous of. It is all the cool things that my husband gets to do.
He gets to go to school and get a master’s degree.
He gets to go to marching band rehearsals on his own without worrying about the kids.
He gets to go out after football games with his collegues/friends until 2:30 in the morning.
He never has to find a babysitter.
He gets to play in Wind Ensemble and take private lessons.
He got to buy a new trumpet last year.
He got a new laptop and an iPod to go with.
It’s not that I’m upset with the life I have. I’m grateful for the undergraduate degree, and honestly, what would I do with my graduate degree (if I got one)? I want one in music history, just because I love the subject. Not because I want to teach it or anything. We don’t have the money for me to go to school for no reason right now. I have a decent flute. I don’t really play anymore, so why do I feel the need to get my dream flute? I want to play, but I’m so out of practice that I didn’t even feel up to auditioning when the philharmonic had a flute opening last year. There really isn’t anything else around here worth playing in. I’m so grateful to have my two boys. It took me so long to have them. I am so happy that my husband has a social life that doesn’t involve just me inviting over my friends and hopiong he likes them, too.
Sometimes I just miss being the 19 year old carefree student. I think that’s it. Depression seems to be setting in for an unknown reason. I really feel in some wierd funk.