Jealousy

I am a jealous wife. I’m really just figuring this out. However, it’s not other women that I am jealous of. It is all the cool things that my husband gets to do.

He gets to go to school and get a master’s degree.

He gets to go to marching band rehearsals on his own without worrying about the kids.

He gets to go out after football games with his collegues/friends until 2:30 in the morning.

He never has to find a babysitter.

He gets to play in Wind Ensemble and take private lessons.

He got to buy a new trumpet last year.

He got a new laptop and an iPod to go with.

It’s not that I’m upset with the life I have. I’m grateful for the undergraduate degree, and honestly, what would I do with my graduate degree (if I got one)? I want one in music history, just because I love the subject. Not because I want to teach it or anything. We don’t have the money for me to go to school for no reason right now. I have a decent flute. I don’t really play anymore, so why do I feel the need to get my dream flute? I want to play, but I’m so out of practice that I didn’t even feel up to auditioning when the philharmonic had a flute opening last year. There really isn’t anything else around here worth playing in. I’m so grateful to have my two boys. It took me so long to have them. I am so happy that my husband has a social life that doesn’t involve just me inviting over my friends and hopiong he likes them, too.

Sometimes I just miss being the 19 year old carefree student. I think that’s it. Depression seems to be setting in for an unknown reason. I really feel in some wierd funk.

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14 responses to “Jealousy

  1. i’m not married so i can’t relate. but i’m wondering, even if you can’t do the specific things you mentioned just now, can you do something else special for yourself? seems like you deserve it.

    i hope you feel better soon. and depression is real whether we can identify or validate it or not. don’t beat yourself up over it… in fact, be extra kind to yourself right now. that would be awesome.

  2. Oh Sariah, you are not the only one that feels that way. You said everything that I have been feeling too.
    My husband got a bachelors degree, I still only have an Associates. He gets to be out of the house all day at work. He gets to go out to lunch with his work buddies 3 times a week. He’s been in the orchestra for the past two years and now is in a quartet. He got a new violin 3 years ago. I want to get a bachelors and graduate degree in music history too. Just because I love it. I’m way out of practice on my clarinet as well. Before moving to ABQ I was the one working, going out to lunch with friends, then that just stopped. I’m with you! And partly, I think the jealousy isn’t just the cool things he gets to do, but the cool things he gets to do Without you. At least thats where mine comes from. Hope it helps to know others feel like you do too.

  3. can I just say DITTO! Yet my husband doesn’t get it. Why would I be jeaous when I get to spend all day with our adorable loving and always kind children? (did you catch the sarcasm?)… We all love being mommies, but sometimes it is hard to not miss the freedom.

  4. I feel the same way a lot of the time but maybe you should ask him if there is something that he might be jelious about that you get to do. His answer might surprise you but then again he may say nothing and then there is nowhere to go except asking him to help you in finding something to do for yourself. I hate the sacrafice we have to go through while they are in school but as we have seen with Alden and Heide eventually it will be your turn.

  5. Let’s not forget the slight feelings of resentment that not only do we miss out, but it’s even less help we get with the life at home. I get that way, too; like his job ends and mine just goes and goes and goes.

    But it’s all good, I still prefer staying at home and feeling like a single mother to working.

  6. Wow, I must have really hit on something here! I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one with irrational feelings of jealousy. You guys are great. Fourth Fret, I’m going to take your advice and do something extra nice for myself. I just don’t quite know what yet… 😉

  7. as Proud Mum said, the attitude that their job ends when they clock out at work is bothersome. I exploded on my hubby about that very thing yesterday morning. It helped, and THEN he helped pick up before church!

  8. I was never a young stay-at-home mom, so I can’t relate to that. But the further education, yes. I would like to have a master’s degree. (But at this point in my life all the professors would be younger than I am, so I don’t know if that would work too well. I’d be there lecturing them about getting out of the ivory tower and living in the real world.)

    My husband would love to give up his job and be a stay-at-home parent, but his earning power is almost triple mine.

  9. Oh, my freaking goodness, YES, you “hit on it,” alright. Exactly. I feel the same way….Particularly as I have been doing this raising-a-toddler-thing for what feels like many moons, as I had one child and then another nearly six years later, so I’ve always had a young child. Babsitter? What babysitter? What prospects of babysitters? Not on your life when you have an autistic child. No way. You’d have to pay a babysitter with blood. At this point, I’d give a kidney. 😉 HAHA (No, I’m for real, I’d give a kidney. Maybe even a lung….) Men don’t understand that their jobs END after 8 hours – ok, my husband’s ends after 10-12 hours, but again,at least it does end), and that ours never do. Never. If the child wakes up at three in the morning and feels like puking, guess who is up out of bed.

    If not for TV commercials about them, I wouldn’t know what an I-Pod IS. That’s one thing I’ll say about Mr.Angel. I cannot complain about his buying things which I cannot buy, because he never purchases anything for himself (end result: neither of us has squat)…(except children! LOLOL). However, he *does* get to go over to his friends’ houses and to Wal-mart (*ALONE*), and at this juncture, even shopping alone would be a vacation; I need not ask if you know what I mean–!

    Do not feel bad later for having put up this entry on your blog. I am thrilled you did; I felt jealous of my husband too; and I thought I was alone. I thought I had no right. Even though I have no life of my own, I thought I didn’t deserve one. And I do – and you do – but who is willing to bet neither of us gets one (at least not for seven more years? And I’m COUNTING THEM!). (I am. I am counting them.)

    As you adore yours, I adore my husband. But he does not understand what that means, to not even be able to take a walk without scheduling someone to help. He doesn’t understand what it is to not even be able to go to the restroom without the door cracked and one eye out. Sometimes I think he truly believes I simply sit down in the chair all day (does he have MAD COW DISEASE?). He goes hunting – and I don’t mean for the morning; I mean for the weekend. Elk hunting? A week each year. Mom gets to…do nothing. That’s right. I am bitter! But now I have vented to someone other than our Lord and I feel better. Thank you SO much, Sariah. LOVE you. Someone gets it. I wish I had your phone number. I’ve lost it. (My mind as well as your ph. number. LOL) 😉

    -Angel, xoxo.

  10. I knew I wanted to say something else. 🙂 LOL

    I never did have a life of my own. I went from my parents’ home to my husband’s home. I think that is quite probably part of my problem; I didn’t have a single life. But then again, when I watch “Sex & the City” or something equally asinine, I realize that I would never have been happy living like that anyhow. I adore being in a relationship. I would be so very lonely without it…without him…I cannot even imagine what life would have been like without him. I would have been miserable. I love isolation, don’t get me wrong (you know me!), but I do like having a soft place to fall; someone to hold; someplace to go.

    We are freakishly alike, aren’t we. I always did think we were kindred spirits.

    -Angel

  11. Wow, I want to say so many things here, but I think it’d get me yelled at, so I’ll probably just put an entry in my own blog.

    I don’t have an ipod, and you’d better believe I am one of THREE people on campus I know without them. But, I don’t like that people are so obsessed to them, and I refuse to conform to society, so I will not get an ipod.

    If it makes you feel any better, I sent you a package earlier today. Without knowing you were in “a funk”.

    And I’m 17 and in college and my life is so far away from being carefree. I was on the T and passed a billboard not even close to campus that advertised BU Hockey. There’s books about BU hockey in the book stores, and random people in BU Hockey shirts and hats around the city. Now, I realized this was a big deal sport, but….this is going way too long and shall now be a blog entry soon. Nevermind.

  12. Now, TerrierChica, why would I yell at you. You’re entitled to your opinion and actually, I find it valuable information one in three people have an I-Pod. My children don’t even have stereos…I feel awful for them now….But one son has his own television, and for crying out loud, I certainly never did until I was a late-teenager and it was black and white (and my parents were well-off). I need to know what is normal. Evidently,I-Pods. Oh my gosh, what do they cost? Seriously? I don’t wish my child to be without something which is considered so normal by society. He’s not homeschooled (I really *should* be homeschooling! Feel the guilt!). He’s around his peers constantly.

    I applaud your nonconformity, however. Really. Applause! 🙂 And I hope it wasn’t I who was turning you away from posting what you truly felt.

    Somehow I feel the oddest urge to say, “Wait and see.” I was trying to resist, but….

    AGH. I have MOM-itis.

    -Angel

    -Angel

  13. I’ve never left a comment before here, but I was thinking after I read your entry that perhaps maybe you need to get out more…don’t get me wrong but it seems like your husband spends a lot of time “out”. NOT FAIR! lol. I had a talk with my dh a LONG time ago that I needed to have equal “out” time. Now, he stays home with the kids at LEAST 2 nights a week so I can “do” things that interest me. He and I have an understanding…my “job” being at home with the kids isn’t any less valuable than his job outside the home…we split everything evenly, housework, kids, meals etc. Before we instituted this I was going freaking nutso. We have achieved a balance in the last 4-5 years or so, and we are much more happier, and me a happier woman/mom for it. The old saying is really true…”If mom ain’t happy then no one ain’t happy”. Just my rambling thoughts.

    K.

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