A Tail of Two Fishies

(Oh man, I think I’m hilarious. Come on. That’s a good title, right?? Laugh with me, folks, not at me.)

For April Fool’s Day one of my guard girls (“C”) put a bunch of paper fish cut outs around the band room, saying that’s what they do in France. She thought it would be funny (and I suspect she thought it would bug my husband a bit, which it kind of did. So… mission accomplished?). Ches said he doesn’t really care what they do in France.

A few weeks later “C” and another girl bought a live goldfish for Ches, but it was probably just one of those cheap Wal-Mart fish that aren’t taken care of at all and it quickly died. So they tried again, buying another fish and leaving it in a jar on Ches’ desk. At the beginning of the day when Ches has to teach for several hours straight. With the lid securely on the jar. So yeah, that fish died, too. They tried one more time.

This time they bought a beautiful purple beta fish and Ches opened the jar while it sat in his office. He brought the fish home and while Ches wasn’t too pleased with bringing home a pet (seriously, don’t try to give us a kitten or a puppy. Ches will kill you.), the boys were ecstatic and we got out our fishbowl (back when we had Brenden the goldfish and then Darth Fish, the beta fish) and started discussing names. Ches got the final say because it’s his fish, after all.

Doc Severinsen. That’s right. Our fish is named after Doc Severinsen. It’s Ches’ fish. Are you at all shocked?

The boys love him. I think he’s beautiful. Ches tolerates the idea of a pet (I think he enjoys it more than he’ll admit. I see how carefully he feeds the fish and makes sure the water is just right…). And Collin goes nuts for the “fishy” (I’m trying to teach him to sign or say “fish”, but all I get are smiles and giggles. I’ll take it.).

On Saturday, Dallin got a “gold” fish (it’s actually brown) from a birthday party. We all know how likely goldfish are to live long, but this is a living being and Dallin is excited. We can’t put the new fish in with the beta fish because Doc Severinsen would try to eat the gold fish or something. Kill it, seriously maim it, something. So we just kept it in the jar for the time being. (Ches got a good laugh when he saw Doc Severinsen trying to get to the new fish, who’s jar was placed right next to Doc’s fishbowl.)

Yesterday Ches discovered the “gold”fish in his jar, very still, near the top. Oh no! He quickly got out a bigger jar (the one we received Doc in, actually), put in some fresh water, and switched the fish to the new jar. After a couple of minutes, he was swimming around, just fine! Yay! Resurrection!! We almost lost the fish, but Ches saved the day. What a great dad!!

Dallin still needs a name for his fish. So I suggested Lazarus. I thought it particularly apropos, however Dallin pointed out, “But he wasn’t all the way dead!” That immediately made me suggest naming him Westley. Because “you’ve been mostly dead all day!”. Then, you know, the boys can yell “Aaaaas yoooooouuuu fiiiiiiish!!!” while feeding Westley. Hey, at least Westley got a laugh from Dallin. I think it’s a real contender.

Phishing For Some Common Ground

I was having a conversation the other day with three people who are in their early 20′s. We were talking about Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and how they have yummy flavors and cool names. I mentioned “Phish Food”. One person said she really liked that particular flavor with the yummy “fish” in them. Another person said something about how funny the name is spelled.

“Well, yeah,” I replied. “It’s named after the band.”

The three people looked at me blankly. There was a long pause.

“You know? The band? Phish?”

Again, blank stares. Another long pause, then, “Who?”

I feel really, really old now.

Life Lesson: You Never Left Junior High

True story. No matter how old we are, we’ve never left junior high. I’m 35 years old, but I still feel as insecure as a 7th grader. I think I’m all grown up and the women around me have also grown up, but no. It’s all the same.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the park for our “official park day”. I pick Parker up from preschool and we walk across the street where we know all the kids and moms from church. It’s supposed to be fun. I don’t usually have a lot of fun, but I’m there for Parker. He loves it. I try to make an effort. I do. I just don’t feel comfortable around most of these women, try as I might. I know it’s just one-sided, but if you don’t feel like you fit in, why push yourself, you know?

Anyway, I sat there for an hour, listening to conversations where I had little to contribute, and trying to just be friendly and happy and enjoy the good weather. The women then commented on my pregnancy, and one woman asked, “So, are you having a baby shower?”

I thought it kind of an odd question. I mean, the baby isn’t due for months yet, we don’t know the gender, and it’s not like you throw yourself a baby shower, right? But, whatever. So I just answered with an, “I don’t know…”

Woman number two pipes in with, “Well, you want to know what the baby is, right? So people can buy blue blankets or pink blankets. You don’t want green or yellow. That’s just ugly.”

Ummm, okay. I like green and yellow. I’m fine with gender neutral things. But whatever.

So this whole other conversation is going on and on about how I need to know the gender of the baby (seriously folks, not my fault I have such an active baby that was moving too much during the 19 week ultrasound and we couldn’t get a look!! Also, not my fault that the doctor won’t try again until my 28 week ultrasound. Like I can afford to just have extra ultrasounds anyway. We can be patient… so can you!). And while the conversation was directed toward me and about me, I still felt like I wasn’t actually part of the conversation. I couldn’t get a word in!

Woman number one asks me again, “So, are you going to have a baby shower?”

Are you fishing for an invitation or something? Geez. I decided to be a little snarky. “Well, I don’t know because it’s not like I can go up to someone and say Hey, will you throw me a baby shower?“

I got the desired chuckles and thought that would be the end of it. (Or perhaps an offer to throw me a shower? Because I have nothing for this baby!! I know it’s baby number 4, but my personal belief is *every* baby should be showered. And it’s been years since I had a baby. We gave just about everything away. And yes, I just want the attention. I’m an attention whore, just like everyone else!)

It wasn’t the end. Woman number two said, “Well, I’m sure someone will give you a baby shower. What about [named three woman who were not at the park that day]? You’re in their group. I’m sure they’ll throw you a shower.”

Woah. “Their group”??? We have definite “groups” now? And I have seen these three women, other than passing them in the hall at church or cub scouts, in months.

I’m sure nothing mean was meant by it, but I went away from the conversation feeling icky. That’s right. Icky. I felt like I had blotchy skin (oh wait, I do!) and a bad perm (thankfully, no) and wore last year’s style of clothes (yup). Or I wore orange on Pink Friday and the Mean Girls were about to go write in their slam book… four pages, just for me.

Park day is tomorrow. I don’t really want to go. But Parker looks so forward to it. I will spend all morning picking out the perfect outfit and packing the best snacks and try out a new hairstyle I found on Pinterest in the hopes that I will be accepted into this group. Or any group.

Can we put Park Day on my Murtaugh List???

What If I Could Write A Letter To Myself?

What if I could write a letter to myself? My younger self, that is. With all that I know now that could help erase some of the pain of back then? Or what if my future, older self could write me a letter that I could get today that would tell me yes, everything really will be okay? Would it help me now to get through all our trials? And what seems so huge today… will it seem that huge in 5, 10, 25 years?

Today a couple in my ward blessed their baby. They had been trying for a long time to get pregnant. It got to the point where they were just about to give up and were looking into adoption, when she got pregnant. And stayed pregnant. It wasn’t the easiest pregnancy (really, are there actually easy pregnancies? I don’t believe there are, no matter what some women say!), and several weeks before the baby was due, the mother and her father were in a car wreck. It was bad enough that the mother was in the hospital and they were trying to prevent an early labor. It was too early to have a healthy baby. Thankfully, everything turned out just fine the worst that happened was her baby shower had to be rescheduled. The couple has a healthy baby boy a few months ago.

When the mother got up to bear her testimony during Sacrament Meeting today, she said, “If someone had told me a year ago I would be here today, blessing my baby boy, I would have laughed in their face. No, I would have cried in their face and thought it a cruel joke.”

I remember those feelings all too well. I remember how long it felt we tried (unsuccessfully) to have a baby. I remember feeling the desperation as I watched friends and family members seemingly have an easy time of it. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get pregnant. And when I finally did get pregnant, it resulted in a miscarriage. It was such a tough time. I sometimes wonder how it was the Ches and I made it through that because there was so much strain. So many tears. And then… Aiden. I couldn’t believe we actually got this little miracle who was so perfect and so lovely. I didn’t know how I could ever be so happy again. I never forgot the pain of the years before Aiden came to us, but the pain was lessened so much by that little being we were blessed with.

And now look at us… three boys. Three wonderful, active, smart, funny boys. After a long break where we thought our family was complete, we found ourselves blessed again. In the next 15 weeks we will have our fourth child. FOURTH!

Has it been easy? Not by a long shot. Am I a good parent? I try. I don’t think I am (not what this post is about, however), but I try. Is everything perfect since we got our long-awaited for children? Not by a long shot. We still have so many trials and tribulations. Sometimes it feels like we are bogged down so far into the muck there is no way of pulling ourselves out. But I don’t know what it will be like a year from now. Will I be able to look back at this year and say, “I am so blessed. We kept working and trying, and things are better. We are happy.”

That’s all I really want. To be able to acknowledge that life isn’t always great, but we’re still happy. I have Ches. I have my kids. We’re still working and we’re still trying to pull out of this muck. Little by little, we’ll get there. Maybe I don’t need a letter after all. And maybe I need the pain to make the reward that much sweeter.

Waking Up

Why is it so hard to wake kids up for school each morning? They moan and groan and tell me how tired they are and that they didn’t get enough good sleep during the night. I have one who would rather skip orchestra, another who would rather skip breakfast. It’s a battle as I try to find the right way to gently wake them in the morning so they will be in a good mood and productive in the morning right before school. I gently rub backs and whisper, “Time to wake up.” in my most soothing voice. I turn on the hall light rather than the bedroom light. I talk to them softly to ease them into wakefulness. I remember having lights turned on and blankets abruptly pulled off me to wake me up faster. All that ever did was make me even more grumpy. So on the weekdays, I work hard to help us all have good, grumpy-free mornings. (It doesn’t always work…)

Then Saturday rolls around. The first Saturday in weeks that we don’t have to be anywhere at 8 or 9 am. The first Saturday that I don’t have to set my alarm because we can just wake up whenever we want. The sun isn’t even up yet, and I can hear those little feet, running up and down the stairs. Then I hear voices. At first, the voices are trying to stay quiet, but they are boys, you know. Boys don’t know what the word “quiet” actually means. A boy’s whisper is more like a hoarse shout. I can hear one voice, then two, then three. I hear laughter. I hear screaming (at least it’s happy screaming!). I hear more running, doors slamming (at least he closed the bathroom door, right?), dishes banging.

I look at the clock. 7:15 am. Sigh. I bury myself further into my blankets, knowing that My husband isn’t leaving the house for at least 15 more minutes. Sure enough, he comes into the bedroom just 5 minutes later to kiss me goodbye. I hear the front door close and I the not-so distant sound of his car starting. It’s just me with the wolf pack. 

The kids are apparently hungry and I hear more dishes banging. Suddenly, I hear screaming. This time it’s angry screaming. Crying screaming. Dallin has toasted the last two PopTarts and Parker didn’t want his PopTart toasted. I call them to my room and convince Parker to stick his PopTart in the fridge. Dallin happily eats his breakfast and says, “At least I got myself food, right?” Several minutes later, I’m getting requests to play on the laptop or the Wii.  Someone else is asking for help getting something out of the pantry. Soon I’m going to have to drive the Cub Scout to meet his den (it’s Scouting For Food collection day). We don’t have much required of us today, but it feels like it’s going to be a full day.

8 am and I’m up. That’s all the “sleeping in” I’ll get for today.

Is it nap time yet? 

Wrackspurts

I feel like my head has been invaded by wrackspurts. Everything has turned to fuzz. Maybe it’s this pregnancy. Maybe it’s stress from work and motherhood. Maybe it’s just that time of year. And maybe it really is wrackspurts.

The good news is that marching band is almost over. As much as I love marching band and teaching color guard… HALLELUJAH!!! I have been so busy and it has invaded every part of my life. I don’t feel like I am getting the things done at home that I need to. My kids aren’t getting the attention they need. Aiden is having a great school year overall, but there are some parts just falling behind. I attribute it to the fact that I’m not home most afternoons or evenings to truly oversee homework time. Dallin’s year is getting better, now that he’s been moved to a new class. He still has his moments — at school, church, and home — but overall he seems to be doing well. We’re trying to nip the angry reactions and behavior in the bud… and it mostly works. Again, I feel like if I were home more I could be more on top of things. I also just feel like they are feeling left out so much. They need their mom’s attention and I’m not giving it to them. I do not know how working moms can find the balance of work, motherhood, and home. My house is a complete disaster. Truly a disaster… I don’t mean it like most people when they say “oh my house is such a mess” when really it means they have a couple of papers on the coffee table and a couple of toys scattered on the floor. I mean, this is a true disaster. It’s disgusting. Dishes aren’t getting washed, laundry isn’t even making it into baskets, much less getting done. There are school papers spread everywhere, shoes scattered throughout the house, and actual trash covering the floor. I hate Halloween candy wrappers, by the way. I don’t know the last time the bathrooms have been cleaned, and I hate the fingerprints all over the pantry door, back door, cupboards, bedroom doors, bathroom doors, etc. The banister (which is supposed to be white) looks like I was trying an inking technique to “antique” it, but it didn’t work. The carpets, which were once upon a time a light beige color, are dark brown with black spots all over. I need to get the carpets professionally cleaned. Badly. But who has money for that? The bedrooms have piles of clothes everywhere that we need to go through and get rid of because they don’t fit anyone, toys are scattered everywhere, and Legos have taken over the floor of the Spare Oom so badly I can’t walk in there to put anything away. I am so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to start. I would like it all to burn down so we can start from scratch.

This pregnancy is kicking my butt. Seriously. I went to the doctor on Monday and she said, “Have you been nauseous? Because you’ve lost quite a bit of weight since the last time you were here.” Uhhh, yeah!! I know you’re not my regular doctor, but it should be there in the file that I requested medication last time, too. I literally cannot count how many times a day I vomit. I lose count. Nothing is staying in me. Nothing. I eat, and I vomit. I don’t eat, and I vomit. There is not compromise. So a month ago I was put on Zofran (a medication that is given to chemo patients to reduce nausea). Well, the Zofran worked as far as getting rid of the nausea. That was the good news. The bad news was that it made me dizzy and fuzzy and I felt like I was going to pass out constantly. I woke up in the middle of the night one night and my body felt like lead. I literally couldn’t lift my arms. So I quit taking the Zofran, thinking it was better to be sick than to pass out in the car while I was driving to work or something.

I had always heard that having babies in your 20s is completely different than having babies in your 30s. I’m here to testify… that is TOTALLY TRUE. I had the three boys all in my 20s, and while I don’t have the easiest pregnancies, they were all easier than this one is. I am already having Braxton Hicks! I am 12 weeks now, and on Sunday I noticed I was having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. They don’t hurt at all. They are just kind of intense for this early in the pregnancy, at least from what I’m used to. I have had a few every night. Also, I can’t believe how tired and lacking of energy I am. I mean, the first trimester has always been the hardest for me, and maybe it’s just been long enough that I don’t remember, but this is SO hard. I just want to sleep all day, every day. I have a hard time getting the motivation to do anything. I’m just so out of it all the time. Anyway… enough of the pregnancy complaints.

I so often feel like I’m failing in all my duties and I don’t know where to start in order to get back on track. It’s just easier to blame it all on pregnancy or work-related stress or wrackspurts. Here’s hoping I can get things worked out and get back on track… soon…

This Is How We Do It…

My life has gotten so busy all of a sudden! As of about 3 weeks ago, I am working with two different high school marching bands (the color guard, of course). One is right here, by my house. Yup, I’m working for my husband, again. The other is about half an hour away, in Tempe. I am working for my best friend’s brother, there. I have rehearsals Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. Games on Friday (I flip flop so I can make it to all the home games). Soon, competitions will start, and those will take up my Saturdays. Add in all my other activities (church, cub scouts, Relief Society meetings, book club, volunteering, preschool) and my weeks look like this:

Monday:
Aiden to orchestra by 7:40 am.
Dallin and carpool to school at 8:30.
Parker to preschool at 11:45.
Pick up Parker at 1:45.
Boys are home by 4:15.
Dinner at 5:00
Leave for rehearsal by 5:45
Guard/band rehearsal in Tempe 6:30 to 9:30.
Get home by 10:30, and crash in bed.

Tuesday:
Boys up at 7:30 and drive the carpool at 8:30 am.
Dinner in the crockpot by noon.
Guard rehearsal in Tempe at 3 pm. Leave early at 4.
Dinner at 5.
Guard/band rehearsal here from 6 to 9 pm.
Home by 9:30, crash in bed.

Wednesday:
Aiden to orchestra by 7:40
Dallin and carpool off to school at 8:30
Parker to preschool at 11:45
Volunteer in Aiden’s classroom noon to 1:10.
Pick up Parker at 1:45
Guard rehearsal here 2:45 to 5:30. (Ches takes Parker and meets the boys at home and makes dinner)
Ches back at school at 5:30 for drumline. I take the boys home.
Dinner as soon as I get home.
Aiden to cub scouts at 6 pm.
Pick up Aiden at 7 pm.
Kids in bed at 8/8:30.
Ches home by 9:30. He crashes in bed. I finish up what I didn’t get done all day.

Thursday:
Aiden to orchestra by 7:40.
Dallin and carpool to school at 8:30.
Boys home by 4:15.
Teach flute lesson at 4:30.
Dinner at 5:30 or 6.
Relief Society meeting (once a month) at 6.
Book Club (once a month) at 8:30

Friday:
Kids to school at 8:30.
Parker to preschool at 11:45.
Pick up Parker at 1:45.
Kids home by 4:15.
Football call time about 5 pm.
Game starts at 7.
Home by 10:30
EVERYONE crashes in bed.

Saturday:
Competition days are usually an all day thing… up early, home late. Blech.

Sunday:
SLEEP IN.
Church at 1 pm to 3 pm.
Choir 3:15 to 4-ish.

It doesn’t look that bad when I put it all out there like that. It feels a TON worse. Of course, when I have those huge gaps of time where I’m not driving to rehearsal or dropping kids off to preschool, I’m making dinner ahead of time, doing laundry, cleaning the house, reading books (yes, I still make time to read!), and Facebooking (of course!). I feel like al I’m doing right now is running and running. I am so tired. And I’m not sleeping well at night.

I wanted to go to bed at 9 pm last night. Couldn’t get my body to relax. So I watched “Wild Target” on Netflix (loved it, by the way! It had Bill Nighy, Emily Blunt, Rupert Grint, and Rupert Everett in it) and drank some of my Swiss Caotina hot cocoa so I could relax. Went to bed about 11:30 pm. And I tossed and turned until at least 2:30 am. I. Am. Exhausted.

I have to plan my meals very carefully because I just don’t have time to sit every night and think, “What shall I make?” and I certainly don’t have the money to get takeout. Ever. Thankfully I have been introduced to the website Our Best Bites which is the yummiest food… and my kids have liked everything I have made from them so far!! It’s awesome!! Tuesday night is my Crock Pot night… and I’m thinking Wednesday night will either have to be another Crock Pot night or it will be pre-made, frozen dinner night. I haven’t figured out Wednesdays just yet. Friday night is a treat for the boys… I get them concession stand food. They love it.

I don’t have time to hang out at the park with the other moms after school anymore. Right now it’s fine because it’s so blasted hot (seriously, 115 degrees and up… We had 119 last week. MISERABLE!!), but I do miss talking to other adults. My life is all about my kids and high schoolers at the moment. Love them all, but I crave adult friendship. I don’t feel like I have much of that going on, but I’ve felt that the past 3 years, too. It’s just more severe right now.

The funny thing is, as much as I am stressed and busy, I wouldn’t want it different. Aiden loves orchestra and is so excited about playing the double bass. I love color guard and it’s so fun to be back in the game. And I get paid for it! Sweet! Dallin is in a new class and seems to be thriving in it. And Parker adores preschool. Overall, we’re all pretty happy with what we have going on. It’s hard, but we make it work.

We’ll Just Blame It On Stress

I know I haven’t written in a while. Things have gotten really crazy around my house and in my life. I didn’t feel comfortable really talking about all that was going on with us in such a public forum as my blog (even though really, who reads this anymore? My visions of hundreds or even thousands of hits each month are completely gone) and it’s just easier to put up ambiguous statements on Facebook.

I still don’t feel all that comfortable going into much detail about what all had me stressed out because there wasn’t the satisfactory resolution I had hoped for. Instead, I feel like we’re just stuck where we are.

Don’t worry, Ches and I as a couple and a family are fine. More than fine. It’s nothing to do with that.

We’re just stuck and I worry too much and stress out way too easily. My hands started peeling… badly. I honestly thought I had leprosy at one point. My palms were itchy and red and raw. The sides of my fingers were rough and raw. And everything was peeing and it hurt like you wouldn’t believe. After months and months of peeling palms, my hands are mostly back to normal. I have one finger tip that  is rough and peeling a bit, but that’s it now.  Later, I got some inexplicable leg cramps. It felt like I had done some extreme workout, like P90X, without any stretching or warming up. I couldn’t walk up or down the stairs of our house with out pain. Heck, I couldn’t walk at all! And my hips were hurting anytime I tried to actually go out for a walk (although I blame that on being fat). I shouldn’t have hip problems at age 34. And I feel bad complaining at all about it when I know Karen and April have both gone through much worse. The leg cramps and hip pain have left. Next, my skin started to break out like I was 13. It was awful! I felt embarrassed to leave the house. I finally got that under control and I’m back to the normal 17 year old break outs. (Seriously… I’m 34. When will I stop breaking out like a teenager? Not fair) Now, however, my gall bladder seems to be acting up and I am having some weird digestive issues. I can’t eat without pain. I’m fine in the morning, but as the day progresses my stomach feels worse and worse. I have pain in my side from the gall bladder and pain at the top of my stomach from whatever else is going on.

I think my body is rebelling from all this stress.

I started having panic attacks more frequently again. That was the nice thing about being on Zoloft all those years ago. Not only is it an anti-depressant, but it’s anti-anxiety. Totally got rid of my panic attacks. I hate having those! I can’t breathe and I’m in pain… it’s hard to describe. I don’t know why I get them. They just come randomly and never at a convenient time.

I’m starting to seriously think of going back on medication.  I’m sure everyone around me is breathing a sigh of relief and thinking, “FINALLY”, but it’s not been an easy decision for me. I hate being dependent on something. And yes, I understand all the reasoning behind why it’s okay to be on medication for my mental issues and anxiety (so no more “If you were a diabetic you would take insulin, right?” lectures. Really… I get it!). I just don’t like being dependent on something that to me is also highly addictive. If I don’t take it, my body goes through major withdrawals and I literally have a crash unless I’m weaned off the stuff. I don’t like that at all. However, I know that I am a better mom, wife, and overall person when I do take it. So… yeah. That’s my dilemma.

School is almost out for the summer, however. In 2 and a half weeks I’ll be on a plane to Switzerland. I can’t even tell you how excited I am! I know that things will turn out fine. I know that we have lots to look forward to and while we feel stuck in our current situation, we have the potential for some really great things to happen. The librarian at the school that I volunteer with suggested I apply for a job as a library aide for next year. It’s only a part time job, but it could be just the thing I’m looking for. There are lots of positives in our future… I just have to remember to look for them.

Back to your regularly scheduled blogging…

Why I Do What I Do: School Volunteering

I am very blessed this year to only have one child at home, and he is in preschool for 2 hours and 15 minutes, twice a week. Those two mornings have opened up a lot of possibilities for me. I jumped at the chance to use that time to volunteer at my older children’s school.

Schools need volunteers. Constantly. Teachers are so busy doing paperwork and grading and preparing lessons and dealing with parents or administration that there is very little time left for them to actually teach their classes. They each need a secretary so they have time to do the job they were trained for and hired to do. Volunteers make the life of teachers so much easier by coming in and making photocopies or gathering supplies for lessons. When Aiden was in first grade I often went in to his class and helped out students as they went through their Center Work. In a class of 25 students, it’s hard for a teacher to be everywhere at once. It was nice for this teacher to have someone else in there who could make sure certain students were understanding something or getting something read. When I was in elementary school I remember each class having a full time teacher’s aide. Those don’t exist anymore, thanks to massive cuts in education. So parent volunteers are able to come in and pick up the slack.

My sons are overall good kids. They are smart, funny, and engaging. However, they are very active and struggle with staying focused and on task. They are also quite emotional. It helps my sons to see me come in and just to know that Mom is there to help out. Usually I can give my son a pointer or two, get him back on task, and then help out other students who need more help than my own do. It’s a win-win situation. I go in to support my own sons. To let them know that Mom cares about what is going on for them in school and Mom is a part of things. It is comforting to my boys and is a huge help in their behavior.

This year I am volunteering regularly in two areas: kindergarten and the school library. In kindergarten I go to school with my kids every Wednesday morning and take charge of a small group (7 kids, including Dallin) for “Project Hallway”. A table is set out in the hallway and I get to read a story that has to do with that week’s theme, then help the kids work on a little art project. It is almost always coloring, cutting, and gluing. It’s been fun to see the progress of these 7 kids throughout the year, and to get to know them and their little personalities, too. Project Hallway is only on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings, but the other two moms are easy to trade with when one of us has something come up (such as when Parker has a field trip or another mom has a work meeting). I won’t give up Project Hallway. I have committed myself to this, and I enjoy doing it. I’m never there for longer than 45 minutes. It’s not much, but it’s something.

On Mondays I volunteer in the school library. I started doing that after working at the book fair and talking to the librarians and realizing how much they have on their plates. I like the library because I love being surrounded by books and it’s relatively quiet. This year I have helps sort books, categorize books, label books, and stuff fliers. The librarian teaches a lesson to every single class in the school. She only has one assistant. This is a K through 8 school, so there is a lot of work to do. I know that I am making life a little bit easier by coming in and doing these things for them. I only work for 2 hours, while Parker is in preschool, and I don’t have to go in if I don’t feel like it. There is no strong commitment, but I feel good about going in regularly. I know they appreciate what I do in there. And they are just fun ladies to talk to in between classes.

I like to go on field trips with my kids. Not all parents do. Not all parents can. I can. I am a stay at home mom, and while no, I can’t always afford to go, I also feel like I can’t afford not to go. My kids appreciate me being there. And I get to see my kids in an different environment and experience new and fun things with them. I also get to meet other parents and get to know them. Makes it easier to make friends and feel comfortable with my kid going to their house after school.

It’s the same thing with class parties. I don’t like to be in charge, but I am more than willing to help out in any way I can. I have to pick and choose now that I have more than one child at school, but I do the best I can and my kids understand that they have to take turns having mom around. Sometimes I don’t do much more than stand around and make sure the kids are able to do their craft, or I make sure they aren’t getting cupcake crumbs all over the floor. It’s not about what I do, however. It’s about my presence. My kids need my presence.

I spend about 3 hours a week in my kids’ school and the occasional class party and field trip. I don’t think that’s too much to ask of me. I can do it. Sometimes life gets a little crazy and I have to rearrange my schedule (because I can’t take Parker in with me on the days I have to trade or anything) and that gets kind of hectic. However, I will not quit volunteering. I feel it’s too important for me, for my kids’ school, and most of all, for my kids.

My Sunday I’s…

1. I am writing from my iPod Touch.
2. I feel so cool, writing from my iPod Touch.
3. I successfully used my new flat iron to do my hair for church today and I don’t think it turned ou half bad.
4. I was stopped by a lady at church today. She said she sees how skinny I am getting and she is so jealous.
5. I responded with “I am so hungry!” That’s the price of weight loss.
6. I absolutely love having the kind of weather in January that I can be outside in short sleeves and watch my kids play in luscious, green grass.
7. I miss wearing sweaters, however.
8. I am currently reading “Ender’s Game” by Orson Scott Card and surprisingly am enjoying a lot.
9. I am lying in bed because I was trying to take a nap, but it just never came, so now I’m doing this instead.
10. I don’t think I have anything to day today that I haven’t already said on Facebook.
11. I think it’s time to lay off Facebook for a while.