Reading To My Kids

I have been told that there are a few ways to make sure your kids are readers. 1. Read to them. 2. Encourage them to read on their own with books that interest them. 3. Let them see you, as a parent, reading on your own.

Ches and I are pretty big readers. I know I have a bit of a reputation for devouring books rather quickly (I’m a very fast reader) and I tend to read anything that is recommended to me. I love books! That’s not a secret.

I decided recently I needed to make a change in our bedtime routine. It’s too chaotic and getting the kids to settle down at bedtime was insane. Lots of yelling and screaming and crying (and that was just me!). I hated it. Ches was gone (as usual) one evening and I had had enough. I decided to try something new. I pulled a book off the bookshelf, had the kids get in their beds (all three boys share a room), and I started to read.

The first book we read was “Holes” by Louis Sachar. I’ve read it before and so has Aiden. We have all seen the movie and really enjoyed it. I couldn’t believe how much all three boys enjoyed not just the book, but having me read to them. They would snuggle into bed and look at me expectantly with smiles on their faces, ready for me to read. Normally it is difficult to get the boys to get in bed. They are playing or watching TV or whatever and just don’t want to go to bed. However, when I said, “Get in bed… I’m going to read ‘Holes’ tonight!” they would run to their room right away. When we finished the book, we borrowed the movie from a friend and had a special “Holes” viewing night.

What to read next? I decided to read something that every kid should probably read. Something that every person should probably read. A classic of literature. And something that I have never read myself. I chose J.R.R Tolkien’s “The Hobbit”.

That’s right. I’ve never read it. Well, all the way through. I’ve tried to read it many times, but something about it… I don’t know. It’s just not my style or something. I’ve started the first Lord of the Rings, too, but again. Never made it far. It just doesn’t capture my attention or something. However, I absolutely love The Lord of the Rings movies, and since the first Hobbit movie comes out in December, I wanted to actually read the book first this time. What could be better than reading an adventure/fantasy book to my little boys?

They. Love. It. That’s right. They adore the story. They laugh. They get scared. They get excited. The Hobbit is a huge success. Also.. I love it! I’m enjoying the story just as much as they are! We’re about 2/3 of the way through and I’m excited to read to them just so I know what’s going to happen next. I can’t believe how much I am enjoying it! Ches teases me every so often for mispronouncing a name (seriously, Bofur? Looks like Bow-fur to me, not Bah-fur!), but I think he enjoys me reading one of his all-time favorite books to his sons, too.

And when I was in the hospital? The boys would not allow Ches to read to them. They just waned Mom. It’s now our thing, our ritual. Mom reads and the boys listen (and sometimes fall asleep) and we discuss a little bit and the entire family is excited for December so we can all see the movie together.

The best part? That calm period, right before bed. Where we are just hanging out. I hope these are memories they will cherish into adulthood. I am cherishing them now.

(And we’re starting to make suggestions to each other on what book we should read next. We have tons of ideas floating around. I’ll let you know what we decide!)

The Birth Story

It’s funny how sometimes you can just know. You know something is going to happen. You have that feeling. You can’t quite describe it, and trying to tell anyone just makes you sound like you’re completely mental. But… you know.

When I had Aiden and Dallin, I didn’t know. They both came early, sure, but not so early it was anything to write home about. I didn’t even know earlier in the day I’d be going to the hospital that night (we go to the hospital only at night, apparently. My body needs all day to work itself up into labor or something). However, with Parker, I just knew. From the moment I found I was pregnant, I knew he was coming early. I didn’t think he would be premie early (3 days earlier, and he would have been!), but I knew he’d be early. I was totally right.

With this baby, I just figured he’d follow the pattern established by his brothers. Aiden was 3 days early, Dallin was 9 days early, Parker was 19 days early. I was due with Collin on May 20th (funny how we still haven’t gotten to his due date yet…). I figured he’d come in the end of April.

Almost…

My c-section was scheduled for May 13th (that’s today!). I finally got my mom to finalize her travel plans and she was set to arrive on May 5th (that way she could also attend Aiden’s class play/musical and his orchestra concert). My friends were throwing me a baby shower on April 28th (and Kim was very clear I was not to go into labor until after the shower. I could go into labor on the way home, but I was not to miss this shower! heh). I was keeping myself busy by going to church activities, volunteering in Aiden’s classroom, taking Parker to park days, holding winter guard rehearsals for the prom assembly, starting color guard workshops and auditions, and signing up for class field trips. I was exhausted and in pain, but tried to ignore it. I was busy and active all the way up until I gave birth with the others, so why couldn’t I do it this time, too?

I was set to go to the Science Center with Aiden’s class on May 1st. The closer that date came, the more I was filled with dread at going. My friend Kim also has a daughter in that class and she volunteered to take my place if I didn’t feel up to it (that says a lot about Kim. She hates field trips! Bus rides give her migraines, and she gets those often enough as it is. I didn’t want to put this on her, but she did volunteer…). Finally I gave in and said yes, please take my spot.

It was Monday, April 30th. I was feeling less stressed by the baby coming because everyone had been so generous at the baby shower. We had onesies and diapers and even a crib! I had finally gotten the Spare Oom to a decent place in cleanliness (although now it was full of gift bags… we still didn’t have any place to PUT the diapers and onesies…), so I relaxed quite a bit about the whole “are we ready??” bit. I sent emails to teachers, apologizing for not coming on the field trip and asking homework questions and so forth.  The night before I had not slept well. I tossed and turned, and when I did sleep, I had crazy dreams (I don’t recall what any of them were now. I just remember being confused). Every time I woke up I thought to myself, “I’m going to the hospital tonight.” I knew. So I spent Monday preparing. I cleaned more of the house. Got laundry done. I even packed my hospital bag. I finished some preparations for guard auditions (which started that afternoon). I had been having contractions off and on all day, but nothing regular.

After guard auditions, I sat at the dinner table, wondering if I should eat. I know I have to have surgery, and you’re not supposed to eat or drink anything for 8 hours before. Do I risk it? I was awfully hungry. I convinced myself I wasn’t going anywhere and ate a small chicken taco.

At 9:30 I was checking in to the hospital. A neighbor, Jeanetta,  came to spend the night with the boys. Ches just had to be home by 6:30 so she could get to work (Jeanetta is also a teacher). I figured that wouldn’t be a problem.

At first they were saying I wasn’t dilated enough, but they’d watch me for some progression. Let me tell you… I don’t progress. That’s why I had the c-section with Aiden in the first place. I’m having very real, very regular, and very painful contractions, but I just don’t progress.I was getting worried when, after a few hours, they were saying I hadn’t progressed enough. By then I was having horrible pains in my back with each contraction (that had never happened before. It felt like knives stabbing me in the back while I was totally cramped up in the front… turns out it all depends on the baby’s positioning. The nurse said he facing up, which gives those back pains. Ugh, that was NOT fun!). Finally, the nurse said “One more hour, and we’ll see if you have progressed and we can go from there.” I turned to Ches, tears in my eyes, and said, “I don’t want to go home! This is labor. I want to have the baby NOW.”

Thank goodness, after the hour I had progressed! I think I was up to a 3 by then. I was moved to a new room and they started prepping me for surgery. Even though I have been through it three times before, I was still scared out of my mind. I tried to keep calm, but once that spinal takes effect… yeah. Total panic attack, every time. I just felt like I couldn’t breathe and I was scared and I just wanted Ches (why do they make him stay out of the room for so long?? Don’t they understand how much I need him there, talking to me, holding my hand??) Finally, I was calm again, the sheet was up, and Ches was sitting there with me.

Everything went pretty much the same as it always has. Except this time I heard the doctor exclaim, “Wow. Wow! Would you look at that? Oh my gosh. It’s just so thin.” over and over again. She came to us and said, “Your uterus is so thin, it’s like looking through a window. We can see through it to the baby perfectly.” She confirmed that getting a tubal ligation after the c-section was, indeed, the right choice. This uterus cannot have more babies.

That was a major miracle, I think. Had the baby waited any longer, with that thin of a uterus, it could have ruptured.  I am so thankful to have an early baby.

Well, out came this screaming baby, with tons and tons of dark hair! He weighed in at 8 lbs, 2 oz, and we were shocked! He was SO much bigger than our other babies. A full pound bigger than Parker, who had been the biggest newborn so far. I suddenly realized the “going home” outfit I brought would not fit this baby. Ches was going to have to pick something else out at home!

Ches and the baby (who we had NO CLUE what to name at this point!) were taken away to do all the official weighing and scoring and cleaning and what ever else they do while the doctors performed my tubal and sewed me up. I had a lot of fun chatting with the nurses and it made the time go by a lot more quickly.

Soon, I was off to recovery. They immediately tried to get me to nurse (with no success). The baby fussed and cried. A lot. I mean… a lot. Ches would hold him and get him calmed down, and after a minute or two the baby would start crying again. Ches and I just looked at each other and I’m pretty sure we spoke to each other mentally. “We’ve never had such a fussy baby. What do we do? I can’t have a fussy baby! I don’t know how to deal with it!” I’m not kidding when I say this baby cried and fussed the first 3 hours of his life. Non stop.

Finally I was taken to my own room and the baby calmed down a bit. Ches was able to hang out just a little longer, then he had to go home to relieve the babysitter and get the boys off to school.

It was now Tuesday, May 1st. I didn’t have an April baby after all. And we (barely) missed having another baby on our anniversary (poor Dallin had to deal with Mom in the hospital on his birthday!).  The hospital stay felt long. I didn’t get to check out until Friday. I loved having all the visitors (I get so stinking bored and lonely in the hospital!) and the nurses at this hospital were pretty great, overall. No one was mean. (Can’t say the same about the lactation “expert”. I was ready to smack her!!).

We came up with Collin’s name by Tuesday night, I believe. We just couldn’t come up with anything either of us really connected with. We were getting desperate. Aiden had been calling the baby James for weeks and weeks now, but neither Ches nor I wanted that name (it’s not that we don’t like it. We do… it just didn’t feel right. And we didn’t want a first name that ends in S.). Finally we started trying to think of the “rejected” names from when we had the other boys. Aiden was almost Collin when he was born, actually. I started to think of Collin more and more. And then I paired it with James. I liked it. And I actually thought we could call him C.J. Ches wasn’t too sure about the nickname, but after he went home that evening he texted me and said “I think that’s it. I really like it.” We had to decide between spelling it Colin or Collin (I don’t know why but we both like it with two Ls. I know it should properly be one L, but we both just liked the other way.)

So there you have it. Collin James. We absolutely adore him!

Introducing Collin

It’s only taken me 11 days to get to this, and I know all y’all are impatient to hear the whole story, so here goes…

Introducing to the world (through the blogosphere)

Collin James
Born May 1st, 2012 at 2:59 am

8 lbs, 2 oz. and 20 inches long.

Yes, that is a whole mess of dark hair you see all over his head. He has darker skin, too (so now we have a complete set: 2 light haired/ fair skinned boys and 2 dark haired/ olive skinned boys). He is absolutely perfect.

His big brothers all completely adore him. How could they not? They all just want to hold him and comfort him when he’s upset and talk to him about anything and everything. They have to say goodbye to him each morning and run into the house after school to say hello.

Collin sleeps really well all day long and loves to chill out all night long (which is why I’m writing this post at 3:30 in the morning. Just letting Collin lay here and stare at the ceiling while I type. Fun for us all!)

Collin hates diaper changes and sponge baths. He loves to have his hands up near his face, being wrapped up in a towel right after a bath, and sleeping on my chest.

He is such a perfect addition to our family. We’re all in love with him and I already can’t imagine what I was thinking just a year ago when I thought we were done and three boys was it for us. I am so, so happy to be wrong.

Well, Collin is asleep finally, so I’ll have to tell you the actual story later… after I’ve gotten some sleep. (I need to prop my eyes open just to finish this sentence!) Stay tuned…

End of the Road… Almost

We are now down to under 2 weeks until the baby is born. If the baby waits until the scheduled day, I will be going to the hospital at 530 am on Mother’s Day for a 730 surgery. Not too bad. If the baby comes early… well, I’ll just go in to the hospital and see what happens.

I hear the hospital I have chosen is a good one. You get to order your food like room service! Just call them up at any time and say, “May I have this please?” and they bring it to you. At. Any. Time. Not just “pick from this menu and here are the meal times.” And all the rooms have huge flat screens. AND free WiFi. My one friend said she blogged from the hospital. And something broke down in the middle of the night and they still came and fixed it right away. I asked about what the nurses were like (I thought the nurses when I had Parker were actually pretty mean), and was assured that they are all pretty great and you can just request a different nurse if you don’t get along. YAY. It’s going to be like a little vacation for me, apparently.

I had some friends throw me a baby shower, and we are feeling so blessed right now. Yes, this is our fourth baby, and yes, it is also a boy, so who would think I would get a baby shower, right? I should have everything I need, right? Wrong! It has been long enough since we had Parker that we actually thought we were done and we were in the process of getting rid of everything. I had just given away all the clothes. We got rid of most of our baby gear. It feels like we are starting over! Well, we have some amazing friends apparently, both near and far. I now have a car seat and stroller (not from the baby shower… just a really, really awesome and generous friend!), a swing (someone was just giving it away! Score!), a crib (astonished as this was presented to me as the group gift at the shower!), clothes (cutest outfits ever! And my friend who inherited all our previous clothes returned everything she borrowed! Double score!), pacifiers and bottles (yay for baby showers!) and oh my gosh I have never had so many diapers at one time in one place in my life. Ches and I both felt a huge weight come off our shoulders Saturday night as we went through everything. There are still a couple of things we need to get (diaper bag, breast pump, monitor), but overall we are ready for the baby.

If we can only come up with a name…

It’s still shocking to me that we are having another baby. We used to say we wanted four, but we had accepted that we had 3 wonderful boys and felt complete. Life is funny that way, though. Just when I think I have things figured out, I get thrown a curve ball. It’s been a hard adjustment for me to make in my mind, and I’m not quite there. Maybe when he makes his appearance I’ll be able to reconcile it. I don’t know. I’m happy about it though. I feel ready for whatever mental games happens, too. Having gone through PPD twice before, we know exactly what to look for. In fact, at my next doctor’s appointment, I’m going to ask how quickly I can be put on medication just because it was something I was looking at doing before I got pregnant anyway. I’m not sure I’m ready for the middle of the night feedings and the constant diaper changing… but I’m ready for another person to be added to our family.

We have so much going on in our lives right now. It’s the tail end of the school year, which means concerts, class plays, more concerts, guard and drumline auditions, banquets, concerts, field trips, graduations, concerts… If only the baby was due in June… But we’ll work it out just fine.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I hurt all over. I had a huge headache. When I did sleep, I had crazy dreams. Mostly I just had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to wake up and pack my bag and make all the arrangements necessary for the baby to come. I felt like the baby is going to come TODAY. I don’t know how valid the feeling is, really. I more than likely won’t be having a baby today. However, it is best to be prepared, so that’s what I’m doing. Well, right after I hit “publish”, that is.

I’ll blog from the hospital. Just because I can.

I’m Cranky And I Know It

I’m 36 weeks and 2 days today. I am scheduled for a c-section when I am exactly 39 weeks. All three of my boys came early, so I fully expect this one to come early, too. Thank goodness, because I’m SO done. I’m cranky. About stupid things. Lots of them. If you don’t mind, I’m going to list the things that are truly bothering me (and reduce me to tears… well, everything makes me cry these days. By they way… pregnancy SUCKS.)

People who drive faster than the posted speed limit in a school zone. I don’t care if it looks like no one is around because it’s the middle of the day and the kids are all in class. I don’t care if it’s still half a block from the school. It’s still a school zone. Freaking pay attention to the signs. And don’t give me bad looks or speed around me just because I’m actually following the law.

People who haven’t figured out that my name is SARIAH, not Sarah, and Ches is CHESLEY, not Chelsey. Even after repeated corrections. What’s worse is that Ches has been working for the same school in the same district for 5 years and they still can’t get it right.

People who have to give me all kinds of unasked for advice on how to recover from my upcoming c-section. Yeah. Because I haven’t done this three times already. Pretty sure I know how it goes.

People who say, “At least you’re not pregnant over the summer!” I live in Arizona. Our winters are your summers. It’s the same freaking thing. I did not retain water or have swollen feet with any of my previous pregnancies (and two of the three were truly summer pregnancies), but I have had swollen feet for probably 5 months now. It’s getting worse. They kinda hurt now. It’s too freaking hot.

People who tell me what gear I do or do not need for my new baby. Again… my fourth baby. I kinda know what I’m doing now. (This does not apply to people telling me about gear that wasn’t around when I had my other kids. For example… Bumpo chairs. Yay or nay??)

8th grade girls. I learned when I was student teaching in a middle school that 8th grade girls only see what is going on inside their mirror. This was proven to me again this weekend. Gah.

Health insurance. We have been paying out the nose for the past year so we could be on the group plan offered through the school district. Ches and I decided that we just can’t afford to keep the kids and me on this plan another year (Ches is covered by the district, so it makes sense to keep him on it), so we started to look around. To get the SAME coverage by the SAME insurance company (but go through someone else), we will be paying over HALF the amount. We have been ripped off and it pisses me off. No more group plans for me!

The heated pool in my neighborhood is just too cold. You call that heated?? Pshaw! I should be able to comfortably just jump in the pool. No shock.

Stupid birds that sing too loudly every morning outside my window. We actually have a large, grassy, courtyard like area in front of our house. So there are lots of birds, and they are holding some kind of rally out there at 530 am. Sick of it. I want to sleep.

Baby is too high and I can’t breathe.

Baby is too low and I have to go to the bathroom. Again.

I hate dusting.

I hate laundry. It’s never ending. Crap… that reminds me… I gotta throw in another load because I’m down to like two pairs of shorts that fit and 3 shirts that cover my belly.

My hair color is SO BORING. I hate my hair.

People who don’t RSVP to invitations. It’s not that hard. Click yes or no. Call the number. Email the address. It’s easy to do, so DO IT.

People who drive super slow in the far left lane on the freeway. Do not go under the speed limit in that lane. Move over to the right so I can be on my way, thank you very much.

All Happiness and All Grief

It has been so hard to actually come here and write. My emotions have been up and down for about two weeks now. I have had some really great and wonderful things happen… And I’ve had some really terrible, tragic things happen. Not to me, but to people I care about and love greatly, and it has broken my heart.

I’m so happy to announce the end of such a successful winter guard season. My guard won first place at their last regular competition, then competed at state championships where again, they won first place in their division. It wasn’t our best performance, but it was enough. The girls worked so hard this season. My staff and I wanted this win not just for them, but for us. I felt like I really had something to prove as I am not part of the “in crowd” of guard coaches. I run my program differently than most people do. I never marched drum corps. In fact, I was never a member of a winter guard!! This whole activity is new to me, and I wanted to come out and make a statement. I think I did. I’m disappointed a bit in some of our local judges. I felt like there were a couple who took an instant dislike to our show and no matter what we did, it wasn’t going to be good enough for them. Their scores did hurt us in the end. However, the majority of the judges seemed to really love us. I am very excited for marching band in the fall and next year’s winter guard. I hope we only get stronger. (And I hope next year our state doesn’t “cheap out” and actually brings in some judges who haven’t seen us at every local competition all season. Who aren’t invested in particular programs because they are on staff at those schools. Who aren’t part of “the club”, as I call it.)

My pregnancy is moving along just fine. It’s definitely harder than my others, but knowing this is my last pregnancy also makes me want to try to enjoy it for what it is. I may be tired and sore all the time (seriously, I’m in SO MUCH pain!!), but there is nothing in the world like feeling that little being inside me and knowing I’m making a human. I can’t wait to meet our little guy!! I honestly can’t believe I’m about to have another baby… another boy! Wow! I’m going to be a mom of FOUR boys! It’s just… trippy. Can’t really think of a better word. It’s amazing and scary and wonderful and frightening. Okay, so none of that is any different from any other pregnancy.

While I was at winter guard championships, I got a devastating phone call. A close friend’s son passed away. When I got the call, there were no details yet. We have a group of women who are pretty tight, and they didn’t want me to come home, get online, and suddenly see everything posted all over Facebook. No one wanted to send me into an early labor. I appreciated that. So I got a call from one of the other women. What made it worse was knowing that this little boy’s father was killed just one year earlier. I was devastated for my friend and for her young daughter. How could so much tragedy come to just one family?? When I got home, I found out this little 2 year old boy was being a normal child… a tragic accident that could happen to anyone. My friend has asked for privacy, so I won’t go into details. Just know that kids are kids and sometimes, no matter what you do, things happen. I’m still completely broken hearted over this. My friend is amazing and has said she doesn’t blame God or anything. She knows tragedy and fate has had a heavy hand in her life. She is fighting to stay strong for her daughter, who needs all the prayers and support we can give one so young. My friend doesn’t seem to question, but I sure do. All I could ask for days was “WHY?!”

And then, not even a week later, Julia posted the news about her daughter, Liz. Again, another child being a child. A freak and tragic accident. We could all only pray, as Liz was in the PICU. Then, exactly one week after the loss of one friend’s son, Julia and Paul lost Liz. I called my mom to let her know (she knew Paul from when he and I were classmates at Ricks, and my mom grew to know and love Julia through her blog). My mom said, “Oh, after everything they’ve gone through with their son’s health, it just doesn’t seem fair…” I interrupted her. “How is ANY of this EVER fair?” I am devastated and I am angry. I now know two families in the space of one week who have lost children. Doesn’t matter what the circumstances were. It’s just plain NOT FAIR.

I am so touched, however, by the unselfish generosity that Paul and Julia have bestowed on four strangers. With their 12 year old daughter’s death, two people will receive sight, one young man will walk, and a baby has received a new heart valve. Could there be anything more beautiful?

Most of you who read my blog know Paul and Julia, or you know my other friend. You all know the emotions I am feeling. We are all devastated.

I can’t help but feel a bit guilty. I’m trying not to, but I still do. How can I find such happiness in my own life when there has been so much despair for these two families? And right now, I AM finding happiness.

Aiden and Dallin and Parker are my three sons. They drive me crazy, but they fill me with happiness. I’ve been reading “Holes” to them before bed each night, and it’s been so fun! They have all looked forward to this mother/son time and when it doesn’t happen because I am gone for the evening or it just wasn’t a good day and every one is getting into bed an hour late, they are disappointed. They cry and they beg. I’m disappointed, too. It’s a lot of fun to experience things with them. I went on a field trip today just to be with Dallin. I had to miss out on one with him recently because they could only take a small amount of chaperones and I was so sad! I have never missed a field trip with Aiden or Dallin. Today was hard (it was the Zoo… lots of walking, hot weather, etc…), but it was still SO FUN. I am signed up to go with Aiden’s class to the science center in a couple of weeks. I get to volunteer in Aiden’s classroom each week and it’s just fun to sit and grade papers and watch the class go. I love that they want me there and Aiden is really upset if something comes up and I can’t come to his class. I love spending all this time with Parker just before he goes to Kindergarten. It’s a good thing we have this baby coming because otherwise I would be SO lonely when he goes to school next year! He’s my little buddy. We read together and go to the park and run errands and he is always asking me the most interesting questions, like “When Arizona was the Wild West, what did the first people do to find food?” and “Do we still have birthdays after we come back from Heaven?” We sing along together to the radio (seriously, you should hear this kid sing Adele. SO cute!!) and read books together and race up the stairs (he always wins). These boys fill me up with happiness.

And then there’s Ches. Our 14th anniversary is coming up in a few short weeks, and I can’t believe how much I am still in love with this guy. Sometimes I can still look at him and my heart skips a beat. When he’s not near me, I’m sad. It’s true. He’s about to go on a trip with his band and orchestra, and more than anything else, I’m sad to not have him in bed, snoring the night away. I love just sitting next to him on the couch. I love him teasing me the way he does (mostly). He’s funniest guy I know. He’s just plain fun. He makes me want to be better. Always and forever, I want to be a better person just because I can be… for him. We are so happy together. I love it.

Where am I going with this? I dont’ know. I have so many insane pregnancy hormones and emotions going on!! It’s hard to jump between the happy and the sad. And I just had to spit it out there for all of you to read.

A Sunday Ritual

It’s funny the things we find ourselves making into a ritual. Just something you do over and over and don’t realize it’s what you always do until one day you miss doing just that and you feel weird all day. Like something is missing. So you sit down and start thinking and figuring out what it is that feels so off. Then it dawns on you… and you realize you have a ritual.

Every Sunday I read Post Secret. I have been reading it for years now. I find the secrets funny, sad, revealing, obscene, honest, over-thought, under-thought… pretty much everything. They run the spectrum. They make me laugh and cry. They make me think. Mostly, I end up feeling just a little bit sadder than when I first clicked on the site.

To remedy that, I now follow Post Secret with Cake Wrecks. Sunday on Cake Wrecks isn’t their normal messed-up cake site. They have “Sunday Sweets”, which are beautiful, fun, whimsical, clever, and extremely well done cakes by professionals who actually know what they are doing. There is a different theme each week. It’s so fun to see these creations by some really talented artists. And I admit, I often love the commentary even more then the cakes. Jen and John (hubby of Jen) are just super funny and clever and probably have taken a restraining order out on my stalking self by now.

I was going to make a secret to send in to Post Secret, but since I’m telling you, I guess it won’t work. It’s not a secret anymore.

Every Sunday I log on to Post Secret and get sad. Then I log on to Cake Wrecks’ Sunday Sweets and cheer myself up.

Every single Sunday, without fail.

Laying Down the Law

I have had it. I try and I try to make myself clear to my children in my expectations. I try to give rewards when expectations are fulfilled. I have made out nice, type written, attractive-looking chore charts and lists. I have set timers and put on loud music. I have threatened, cajoled, promised, cried, screamed, pled, whispered, and begged in order to get things done.

All that ends now. I’m sticking with “The List” because when they follow The List, it works. But I’m serious this time. They don’t follow The List, they don’t get any privileges. None. We’re talking no screen time (computer or TV). No toys. No books. No friends. No park. No cub scouts. No sleepovers. No extra school activities. Nothing until The List has been completed.

I should not have to yell at my children 25 times in the space of 15 minutes to remind them to put on their clothes for school. I should not have to yell at them 25 times in the space of 15 minutes to brush their teeth. A 9 year old and a 6 year old are more than capable of picking out their own clothes and getting dressed. They don’t need me to sit in their room and make sure it’s getting done. I refuse to do it. And if that means they are late to school… so be it. I can not do everything for them. They know how to read. They know how to follow The List.

So why don’t they do it? Do they enjoy being late for school? Do they enjoy me being so upset that I lecture them the whole 4 miles drive to school? Do they enjoy having things taken away from them? I do not understand why they can’t just follow a few simple instructions.

I don’t like being the mom that has to yell in order to get anything done (and don’t tell me to whisper and talk calmly. I have tried that. Many, many times have I tried that. It. Doesn’t. Work. Maybe it works with your kids, but not mine.). I don’t like being the mom who’s last words as she drops her kids off to school are “run before the gate gets locked” rather than “have a good day! I love you!” I don’t like being the mom that never lets her kids invite friends over because they haven’t made their bed or picked up their Legos from three days ago. I don’t like being the mom that I am.

It’s my own fault. I do too much for them and can’t relinquish enough control. And then I just plain snap so easily. I want to be the nice, happy mom that is able to get her kids to fulfill the expectations without anger. I want this last month and a half of my pregnancy to be a joyful time with the three boys as we prepare for the baby. I don’t want to be full of stress and contention.

This morning I said to the boys that I’m laying down the law. They WILL do their chores. They WILL follow The List. Or they get nothing until The List has been completed. We’ll see how it goes. It feels like more of the same… I have been laying down the law for years. The boys do great for a few days… then go back to old habits. I let it happen.

Something’s got to change. Something’s got to give. I just don’t know what.

When Abnormal *IS* Normal!

As you may be aware, we have really been struggling with Aiden. He is very behind in his school work and just not performing up to his potential. No where near his potential. It’s frustrating how unfocused he can be. It’s disconcerting in so many ways. And it’s a major reason that we’re pursuing the ADD/ADHD route.

Last night I kept Aiden up until 11:11 pm, working on research and a rough draft. The rough draft was due last Friday. His final draft is due tomorrow. We will be up late again tonight because he will turn this paper in on time. I have been so overwhelmed by the amount of work he has to do and doesn’t get done. I even had a panic attack about the paper yesterday! I do not feel that I should be there, holding his hand constantly just so he can get his regular homework or school work done. He is 9 and a half years old and in the 4th grade. He should be able to get it done, right? He is given plenty of time at school and plenty of time at home to get the various assignments done. Yet things still get lost and forgotten. More like everything still gets lost and forgotten. I am at my wit’s end.

Today I got to volunteer in Aiden’s classroom again. I walked in and his teacher said, “How are you at math?” Normally I feel shaky, but some boys needed help on a math packet (that I had insisted on Aiden bringing home earlier in the week so he could get our help if needed and get it done early, thereby giving him more class time to work on stuff he kept leaving in his desk…), so I said, “Oh, I can do that!”

Please remember that Aiden is in a self-contained Gifted classroom. This means that ALL of the children in this class are exceptionally bright kids. They kind of scare me with their collective intelligence sometimes! However, it also means that each of these kids has different personal, social, mental, or emotional issues they have to deal with because of the “Gifted-ness”. It can be so fun to work with their fast little brains, but it can be very frustrating at times. And the level of work they do is so far advanced of what I did at that age!! Wow. It’s hard to keep up with them, and I’m just so grateful for the teacher in this class because she is so wonderful for these kids. She really gets them. She likes each and every one of these kids! She works so well with and for them. I love to watch her interact with the kids and I love to watch her teach.

Anyway, so I took three boys out in the hall to a table so we could work without distraction. These boys really didn’t need my help (other than an initial “How many mL are there in a liter? I know you don’t like working with metrics. Neither do I. We’re American. But Aiden’s dad is Canadian and he totally helped us, so it’s easy. Let’s think this through…” Quite comical, actually.). They are smart and can problem solve and think and they really knew what they were doing for the entire packet. No, what I really had to do was sit next to them and say, “Do your work. Do your work. Got that question done? Good. Do the next one. No, don’t talk to Jaedin. Do your work. Darius, do not go get another drink of water. Do the next question. Yes, Jaedin, I know he’s distracting you. Aidan D., stop distracting Jaedin. No, Darius, you can not have a second one of Rachel’s birthday donuts. You can finish your question. Aiden D., get a pencil you can actually write with and then finish the page.”

It was exactly — I really mean exactly — like working with my own Aiden. It’s constant redirection and focusing. It’s a constant presence to make sure they get the work done. Like I said, they are all smart enough they can do the work with no help. They just need someone there making sure they get it done.

After my volunteer time was up I went to pick up Parker from preschool. I was talking to a mom at the park after preschool. This mom also has a daughter in Aiden’s class. I mentioned that Aiden had to stay up late to finish his rough draft and how we’ve been spending so much time trying to play catch up that I think he’s getting behind in a lot of his current work. Best thing I heard? She said, “SAME HERE!!” She had to keep her daughter up late to finish one assignment a couple of days ago and her daughter just turned in another major assignment (that was due weeks ago… and one that we want Aiden to redo since he only got 11 out of 52 points) just today. Her daughter kept asking, “Can’t I just go lie down for a minute? Can’t I have a short break?” It is exactly like Aiden!!

The moral to my story? I do not at all think it’s normal for kids to be this unfocused on a regular basis. However, Aiden isn’t the only one. All of these kids are abnormal, thus making them normal. It makes me breathe so much easier to know that we are all fighting the same fight.

Oh, guess what? I’m going to win, too. Aiden is being taught to be responsible and focused. It will work. I will win. There is no other option.

Working Dad Dilemma

We’ve all heard of the Mommy Wars and the dilemma mothers have with whether or not they should work or stay home full time. I realized the other day I can fully count myself as a working mother now. No, I don’t work full-time and I am mostly home during the day, but I teach color guard and private flute lessons. It takes me away from my family four afternoons a week and most Saturdays. I also get paid. It’s not much, but I am able to contribute somewhat to my family’s finances. I am not just a stay-at-home-mom anymore. However, this is not what I really want to talk about today. I want to talk about the working dads.

I was thinking that while we just expect fathers to be the primary bread winner in our family (because traditionally, that’s exactly the case. For centuries it’s been up to the husband and father to work and earn a living, to support his family), does that mean working fathers don’t also have regrets about working and missing out on things at home? I think a lot of them do. I just don’t think they are “allowed” to talk about it like wives and mothers are.

I think mostly about my own husband, of course. He has a very demanding, very busy job. He works about 75 hours a week and gets paid for 40. He puts his heart and soul into his job. He has to. He’s a high school band teacher. It’s what they do. However, it doesn’t come without a lot of sacrifice.

Ches’ job is not one for a family man. He is rarely home in the evening or on the weekends. Even when he is, he is doing work to prepare for classes or answering calls from boosters or studying scores of new music or watching videos of other marching bands… The work is never done. I understand there are lots of jobs that are demanding of home time. However, Ches and I are really feeling the sacrifice now that we have 3 (almost 4) kids… and those kids are old enough now to have their own activities that kind of need a dad. Yes, moms can do things like Cub Scouts and after school sports and the like, but sometimes a kid just needs his dad. Mom can’t do everything, all the time. And when you are in a two parent home, Mom should do everything, all the time.

We have been talking to each other for a while now and what to do to make a change. So Ches can be home and see the kids, have dinner with the family, attend Pack Meeting, or whatever. Basically, we have two options: Ches can completely change careers, or Ches can teach at a different level (middle school doesn’t have marching band, jazz band, pep band, winter guard, winter drumline, etc., so it’s a lot less demanding on the out of school time stuff).

Now, if we went with option 1 (completely change careers), what would Ches do? We spent years and tens of thousands of dollars on his schooling. Ches has a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree in music education. He is not trained for anything else. Oh, and he’s good at it, by the way. He’s a successful teacher and his students (most of them) seem to really love him. He also loves teaching. No, he doesn’t love the long hours and he gets frustrated when he gives his all and the students don’t prepare (there’s a concert tonight and festival tomorrow and Ches is quite discouraged right now…). But over all, he really, really loves his job. He loves those kids. He cares for his students on a very personal level, too. How lucky is he to have a job where he loves what he does and he’s good at it, too? So option 1 just doesn’t seem likely.

Option 2 (switch to teaching middle school) is a lot more likely. He spent 3 years teaching middle school in Idaho (while teaching high school), a year of just middle school here in Arizona, and then two years teaching middle school while teaching high school. He can do it. Like I mentioned before, middle school is a lot less time consuming because there just plain aren’t the myriad of extra activities for the students that he has to be in charge of. The biggest problem with option 2 is the money thing. We all know teachers don’t get paid much. Honestly, we are barely scraping by (thank goodness for tax refunds… we are able to catch up on the bills!), and Ches makes as much as he does because of the extra activities. He gets a small stipend for each activity. It doesn’t adequately compensate for all the extra time he puts in, but it’s something. In middle school, he doesn’t have that opportunity. On the other hand, he would have more time to get another part time job or maybe work as an assistant with a high school marching band or whatever. Then again, we’re back to him not being home with his own family, like he wants, because he has to make that extra money. Sigh. I feel like we’re just running around in circles.

In church the last few weeks the topic has come up quite a bit, actually. The feeling I’m getting over all is that they are telling men to stop sacrificing their family time for their jobs. Even if you have to change jobs or careers, you have to do whatever you can to be home with the kids and your wife. Your family needs you at home. Ches and I have been feeling that for a while now anyway, but it suddenly just seems to be thrown in our face everywhere we turn.

Oh, the other problem is that once Ches makes whatever changes to be home with the family, doesn’t that just free him up to have more involved church callings? Ches was saying that he remembers his own dad not spending the evenings at work, rather most of his evenings he was gone for church things. I’m not saying that’s bad, and there are lots of things that need to be done. I appreciate the sacrifice the leaders of the youth make for the teenagers, whether through Young Women’s or Scouting. I know a bishop has a LOT to do to run the ward. But if the point of making this change is to spend more time with his family, how is he supposed to do that when he’s gone several nights a week to do things for the church? How much family life should be sacrificed for church callings? (Am I a total apostate for even asking this question???)

Working dads have the same dilemmas as working moms do. Budgeting time and resources to make the family unit run smoothly is really hard. There is always going to be a lot of sacrifice, whether it’s the job that suffers, the kids that suffer, or the church attendance that suffers. Something has to give. And knowing what it is that has to be cut down or taken out completely? That’s the hardest decision of all.