I hate the person I have become when I don’t take my medications. I am mean and angry. The slightest thing sets me off. I yell and yell at my kids until my throat hurts and my voice is raspy. I throw things that are in my way. I swear. I slam doors. I run to my room, crying. I hate that person.
I hate that the only way I can be “normal” is to be on some pills. I know in my heart that it’s just a chemical imbalance and all that. I know it’s not my fault. But I still hate that I can’t be a normal, easy-going Mom with a clean house and happy kids unless I faithfully take my medication. It just plain sucks.
I hate that if I don’t faithfully put on acne face creams every day I look like a pizza-faced teenager (and sometimes I look like that regardless!). Everyone has things about them that are out of their control. What you have to remember is that when you stay on your meds you are a wonderful mom. Your kids are gifted geniuses–you ought to take it to heart when kids as smart as yours say that they love you and think that you are a great mom. No one knows better than they.
EVERY mom has bad mom moments. What matters is the rest of the time. The time when you snuggle up with them and read them stories or make their favorite meal or sing to them, or whatever is special to them. Those are the times that matter most.
Comment by feathersky — April 29, 2008 @ 9:46 am |
Feathersky hit is right on the head – EVERY mom has those moments – I yell at my kids way more than I want to some times, I’ve thrown things, I’ve slammed doors, I’ve sworn, (and I have no excuse, aside from sheer frustration), and trust me they definitely aren’t happy all the time. Some days I just want to run screaming and crying from my house and never go back, heh. But then I remember all the good times, the snuggles, the I Love Yous, and all the good things they do that show they really are learning. And I remember the miracle of the atonement and forgiveness. So far my kids aren’t too warped – at least I hope not anyway, I just pray that they will make it despite all my many shortcomings.
You are a great mom and person, and your family is lucky to have you.
Comment by GoofyJ — April 30, 2008 @ 10:48 am |
I think all easy going moms (who have multiple children under the age of 6) have messy houses unless they have people come in and clean. Its the very nature of an easy going mom to have a messy house, because she doesn’t get uptight about things like that. Don’t try to fit into that oxymoron (oxymomrmon mould). Its impossible.
Comment by Alyson — April 30, 2008 @ 3:57 pm |
I have to agree with everyone else, no one is perfect and we all wish we could change some small part that would help us be more “ideal.”
I’m getting a hair-brained idea. If you were a perfect mother, your boys would have a hard time when with they go to get married because no one would be as good as Mom. See so your imperfections help your family, now because the boys have to learn to deal with a mom that isn’t perfectly nice. They can take that knowledge they learn and apply it to relationships with friends and eventually with a spouse. They also learn that even though you get mad at them, they are still loved, another useful point when they are married. So even though it isn’t the “ideal” situation, there still can be good things that come if it.
Comment by Camille — May 1, 2008 @ 11:22 am |
At least medication exists for you. I can’t help but think that all my children would have been much better off if I could have been on my meds throughout their lives rather than post your wedding! While you do need your meds for a chemical imbalance that is no fault of yours, some of the learned behavior patterns hearken back to my pre-med days due to my brain damage–again, no fault of mine. Do you blame me? Do you think I was a terrible Mom? Neither will your children. You are so much better than I ever was about so very many things. Do I need to list them? I can.
Comment by Allrie — May 4, 2008 @ 9:55 pm |
You might be interested in this article and others from this site. Their advice really helped me!
http://www.womentowomen.com/depressionanxietyandmood/default.aspx
Comment by Natalie — May 10, 2008 @ 1:04 pm |