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Archive for August, 2007
Which Is Harder…
Last night I was watching a little bit of “The Power of 10″. If you haven’t seen this new gameshow, the premise is basically that the contestant is asked to guess what percentage of Americans think about certain subjects, or would do in certain situations. I learned last night that 33% of American men would leave their wives if she gained 100 pounds. Oh, and about 27% of American women have dated an ugly guy because he was funny.
Anyway, one of the questions had be pretty stumped. The question was, “What percentage of Americans think being a stay at home mom is harder than a full time working mom?” There is a lot of talking before and after the question about jobs and what women have to do, so I’m actually pretty curious about what they were actually asking! Personally, I think that the job of a stay at home mom vs. the job of a working mom really can’t be compared. I mean, it really depends on what kind of a job the working mom does, right? And for both women, you have to factor in how many kids she has, if any of the kids have disabilities or medical issues, what kind of support do they get from a significant other… and so on. So was this question about the job that mothers hold? Or was it about their being?
For me, the idea of being a working mom is a lot harder than being a stay at home mom. If I were working full-time, I would have all the responsibilities I have now plus I would have all the responsibilities of having a job. That’s not to say that Ches wouldn’t be helping out (he’s not the type of guy to come home, sit on his butt, and wait for dinner. He actually comes home and pitches right in with the kids, cleaning, and dinner preperation… every single night!!). It’s just that I would have less time in the day to do all of my “home” responsibilities because I was at work all day, taking care of that stuff. And then you still have to find time for date night, for “me” time… It seems like it would be much harder to be a working mom.
When Aiden was turning one, I had the opportunity to teach part time. The job was literally handed to me on a silver platter. I missed teaching, and I missed feeling like a person of importance. I had already spend two years as “the band teacher’s wife”, and it was hard to watch Ches do what I had dreamed of doing myself. I loved being Aiden’s mommy, but I wanted more, so when I was offered this teaching job out of the blue, I thought it would be a real answer to my prayers. That and we could use the extra money to help pay off things like my student loans! 
I worked from late August to March, and I wasn’t needed anymore. Which was fine. I loved teaching again. Some of those kids were so wonderful! Some weren’t so wonderful, but I dealt with it. It felt so good to be back in the classroom. However, I found that the junior high I was working in wasn’t nearly as friendly and happy as the one I had done my student teaching in. The teachers at this junior high seemd pretty clique-y, and I certainly wasn’t part of any clique, what with being a music teacher that is stuck way out away from the other teachers, and I was only part time.
Aiden didn’t go to a day care at that time. A family was watching him for me. She was from Canada, they needed the money but she couldn’t get a job because she didn’t have a visa of any kind, I couldn’t afford to pay a whole lot, so it worked out to the benefit of all. This family loved Aiden and he loved them. I missed him throughout my time gone, but I still got to see a lot of Aiden, so I was okay. Until he learned to walk. At their house. His first steps were for this family, not for me. And he learned “bye-bye” and how to wave from them, not me. It just about killed me! I’m the mommy, and he should learn it from me.
Yes, teaching that year (or 3/4 of a school year) was a really good thing because I found out that while I think I am a good teacher and I really do love it, I love being a stay at home mom more. I want to be RIGHT here. When they are older, perhaps I will be able to split my time better. I don’t know.
Whatever works for your family is best. I don’t believe that there is only one way of doing things, so I don’t want another “discussion” of the Mommy Wars here. I just found the question of which is harder to be interesting. There are so many factors involved that I don’t think it’s a very good question at all!! IMHO, of course.
That’s Lookin’ Familiar…
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Tooth; Little Helpers; Cookies
Happy Wednesday! I need a little pick-me-up, and maybe you do too. Let’s count our blessings, shall we?
1. My tooth doesn’t hurt! One of my molars broke yesterday. Yup… it broke. I don’t know what happened, but now it’s like I have a hole in my tooth. However, I have no pain. Yay! No emergency dental bills to worry about.
2. I was making spaghetti for dinner last night and both Aiden and Dallin decided they wanted to help. They put noodles in the pot (despite my cries of, “But we don’t need any more noodles! That’s enough!”), stirred the noodles, and stirred the sauce. Then Dallin set the table. It was kind of slow going because I could only give him one plate at a time and repeat the instructions 40 twelve times: “Put that on the table where Mommy sits. No, where Mommy sits. On the table. Yes, that’s her chair, now put it on the table. No, not at Dallin’s place. At Mommy’s place. On the table. Good job!!” I have such good helpers.
3. My visiting teaching partner made cookies and gave me a plate. They were still kind of warm, are soft, and have lots of chocolate chips. Mmmmmm!! (Dallin and I will eat them before anyone else gets home, so they never have to know, either!! hee hee)
Overreaction
Thanks for your comments yesterday, my friends. I appreciate that you guys really care for me and MY well-being! It makes me feel good (and we all know how much I need validation in all forms).
I think I was overracting to the whole situation a bit when I wrote yesterday. I had just received a call from the husband asking for a ride within the hour, and it was kind of pushed me over the edge a bit. I have often had to decline to give them rides, but I have also driven them to appointments or picked her up from work on a really rainy day, too. I have helped them by giving them information on free rides (it’s part of Medicaid, people! If you have Medicaid… in any state… they can arrange rides for you to your doctor’s appointments!!) and given them a head’s up on jobs when I have heard of something.
The Relief Society president has actually gone visiting teaching with me and is very aware of what’s going on in that household. She is over there quite a bit, kind of hitting them over the head with a brick to get them to straighten their lives out. (Our RS president can be a very blunt, no-holds-barred kind of woman. She’s really awesome!!) Oh, and my visiting teaching partner is the bishop’s wife, so she makes sure her husband is aware of what’s going on, too.
I just feel guilty that I don’t want to visit this girl or actually be her friend or anything. I just want “easy” people to visit… you know… the most active members of the church with strong marriages and healthy kids and steady jobs… that kind of thing. I’m a punk that way. So yeah, I’m sure I overracted a bit and ranted to you guys. Thanks again for all you said! I love all the advice I get. Blogging can be so cool!
I Just Can’t Help!!!
So I mentioned to you all that there is a girl who is quite needy and wants to be my friend, but I don’t want to be her friend because she’s really kind of wierd (and not the fun, good kind of wierd) and I just can’t deal with her problems in addition to my own, right? Well, there is another girl I know from church that I’m having almost the same dilemna with. I am actually her visiting teacher, so I really can’t just not talk to her and not deal with her. It’s my job to help her out and be her friend. She just has so many issues going on right now, though, that I don’t know how much more I can take.
Her husband was just laid off his job (his second lay off in a few months). She is working at Wal-Mart. They have no cars. They have 4 children. Their youngest, who is maybe 9 months now, has several medical problems and often has doctor’s appointments in Phoenix at the Children’s Hospital. The mom consistantly calls less than an hour before the appointment to ask for a ride. Her husband actually just called me, but I have to pick Aiden up from school at the SAME time as the appointment. AND I have two other children, so how am I supposed to fit my three kids plus her, the baby, and her husband in the van? Actually, I can fit them, but it’s tight. And then I have to sit and wait or drive back out to Phoenix to pick them up??
Let’s see. What else? They can’t afford to pay their rent, so the Church has to pay it for them all the stinkin’ time. They are constantly getting food orders through the Church. And yet they have had a big, flat-screen TV. They moved into a house and decided it was a good idea to get three puppies (they already had a cat and a dog). His brother lives with them, and the brother’s girlfriend and her son was there (and babysitting the kids during the day), but she took off at the beginning of the month, so now this girl can’t work at Wal-Mart because she has no childcare. Oh, and I ran into her at the elementary’s curriculum night, and she told me that she’s really unhappy and she and her husband have almost split up. They still might.
I visit with her, I listen to her, I have made her meals, I have given her rides, I hold the baby, I try to help look for jobs and vehicles and toys… But I just can’t do it anymore. I have my own issues right now! Ches and I are just trying to get our own little family to survive. How can I truely help this girl when we can’t do what we need to do for ourselves?
I know that I should have a better attitude and be grateful for the service I am able to provide for her. I know that I can get lots of blessings from serving others, but if my heart isn’t in it, well, do I still get those blessings? I don’t think I deserve them! I like doing my visiting teaching… but pretty much to the women who are similar to me in personality, goals, and activities. I feel like a huge hypocrite, but this is my attitude. I need to change my perspective, I’m sure. She is still a daughter of God and deserves happiness, but geez! Get your life in order, girl! I’m tired of doing all the work for you! I have my own trials to sort out! I just can’t help anymore!!!
Cody’s My Best Buddy
A post by Aiden.
Well, one time I played Jelly Blocks on Mom’s computer. So that I just solved all the levels on the first square. On the first big square. And I saw on that because whenever I solve a level they let me do the next one. And when I do every square that means I got all the levels on every big square.
When the first time on school and one time someone was touching the back of my neck and I thought it was Cody. And now he’s my best buddy.
If I see a period that means we need to stop.
And when the droid marine was with the other droid marine and pilots that’s because every time the re-con droids, well that droid snipers have auto turrets and whenever there’s a rocket coming to my rocket turrets it alway blows up. And when a rocket comes to a droid from your enemy, which is the Republic, and well, actually, there’s, uh, my favorite trooper of the Republic is the jet trooper. And the clone commander. The clone commander has a thermo detonator like the guys with the mines. And heavy weapons. Like the shock trooper and the heavy trooper, the rebel vanguard, and the droid, and the assault droid. Well, on Battlefront II the snipers have auto turrets and Battlefront I they have recon droids. So that because whenever it sees an enemy, well on Battlefront green is for your allies and blue is for your teams command post and red is always for your red. For your bad guys and your good guys. So everytime you capture a command post on Battlefront I and Battlefront II, so Han Solo is my favorite hero. So when the troopers die, it goes like, “Aaaahhhhhh!!” and whenever the rebels die it goes “Ooh-uh” or “Aaahhh”.
Well that’s all I’m going to talk about today. And next time I’ll be talking about Super Friends. And Star Wars again. Well, I’m just going to talk about the Jedis from the hero team and the villian team.
The World Should Revolve Around Me
Ches had to go to school early and do some work today (yes, on a Saturday! Those of you teachers understand that this is not just a 5 day a week job with certain hours. Blech.) so I was left to run some errands. Not a lot. Just run to the back to deposit a couple of checks and run to My Least Favorite Store Ever (Wal-Mart) to pick up my prescription. I figured it shouldn’t be a big deal because I can use the drive-through window at the bank, and a quick run into the store to pick up my prescription since I dropped it off yesterday. Least amount of work and pain for me with the three boys.
Boy oh boy was I ever wrong.
The drive-through at the bank was closed, so I actually had to take all three boys into the bank. They have a nice little kid’s area, but do my kids stay there? Oh, no. They come running back to me to tell me about it. Then they run back to the kid’s area, laughing very loudly the entire way. This happens about 112 times. And Dallin notices there are other chairs that would be cool to go see, so he’s basically running around the bank. Grrrrrrr.
The bank people are being super slow for some reason, and I waited in line for what felt like an eternity (but was more like 10 minutes). When I say line, I actually mean there was me. Then a bunch of people came in after me. The line was behind me. So there was NO movement of the line the entire waiting period. Blech.
I had already lectured the boys before we even got out of the van about “NO running, NO screaming, NO yelling” inside the bank. Too bad that didn’t work. I had promised them a treat if they were good inside the bank and Wal-Mart. That didn’t work either. I finally finished my banking, and went to gather up the boys. Aiden started whining, “Awwwww! I don’t want to go! I don’t want to go to Wal-Mart! I want to play at the bank!” Grrrrrrr.
We got to Wal-Mart and a kind man helped me get a cart, and off we were to the pharmacy. I brought in my prescription yesterday, but the pharmacist (or pharmacy lackey) said that particular medication is out of stock, but it will be in the next morning, so come back around 11:30. It was noon, so there I was. After waiting in line (same as last time… I WAS the line! No movement!) for 10 minutes because some woman was trying to get enough pills to medicate a small country, the lackey of the day says, “Oh, it looks like that medication is out of stock.” Grrrrr.
So I asked when it would be in, and stated I was here yesterday and told the same thing. She went to talk to another lackey and said, “Actually, they don’t make that anymore, so we will call your doctor to get a new prescription written.”
As I’m processing that information and wondering why they couldn’t have figured that out yesterday when the doctor’s office was actually open, another lackey comes over and tells me to be sure to call my doctor on Monday.
“I have to call him for the change??” I ask, probably very rudely, but I’m hot, tired, hungry, and I have three small, hot, tired, and hungry boys in my cart, so I don’t really care that I’m being rude. The lackeys (lackies??) said they have faxed the office, but just to make sure the doctor does it, I should call on Monday. Grrrrrr.
Now I’m home and I have to do a ton of laundry and clean the house. We have some bar-b-que to go to tonight for band directors and their significant others. It should be fun. But I haven’t heard back from the family that said they are taking our boys today, so I don’t know if they remember. 10 bucks says I’m going to be making a ton of frantic calls about 4:30 (when the bar-b-que starts at 6:30). Grrrrr.
If the world revovled around me, I wouldn’t have any of these “problems”. Yes, I know. They are insignificant problems, and if only that was the worst that happened to us, right? It’s just inconvienient, I’m still hot, tired, and hungry, and now Parker woke up from his way too short nap. Grrrrrrr. It’s just one of those days.
Have You Ever…
…Hit the “next blog” button? You get to see all sorts of random blogs. I’ve been doing it quite a bit lately and come across some really interesting stuff. I’m amazed at how many blogs are in languages that I don’t know, and in how many languages blogs come in. I also found it surprising how many “Christian blogs” there are out there. Of pastors or just strong believers who want to share their message. If you have some time, use the button. It’s interesting.
…Been confronted with a potential friendship that you don’t actually want? There is a girl who is really, really wierd. And not wierd in a good way. She is just bizarre. She used to be in our ward, but is now in another ward. She likes to come “visit” our ward a lot. Then she just invites herself over to people’s houses. She showed up on Christmas Day to this other family’s house! It’s odd. I find myself avoiding her because I just don’t want to deal with her. I feel bad, like I’m not being a “good Christian”, or a friendly and accepting person. But she just has so much baggage and I don’t want to have that extra stress in my life! So I have excuses for why we can’t go swimming at her condo, or I have to go to the mother’s room to feed the baby when I see her in the hallway, or I just walk in another direction. All the while, I feel guilty.
…Refused to answer the phone for an entire day because you just didn’t feel like talking to people, then when the phone doesn’t ring the next day (all day!) you wonder why no one likes you and wants to call you? Maybe it’s just me.
…Had such realistic dreams at night that you wake up confused between the dream and reality? In high school once I dreamt I was hanging out with my friends and decided to join them in smoking. It was so real, so vivid, that I could clearly smell the cigarette smoke. I could taste it in my mouth, and I remember coughing. I woke up with this horrible taste in my mouth, and I was so confused that I almost called my bishop to go confess and repent!! Since I’ve been married, I’ve had dreams where my husband left me, or he did something terrible and I’ve had to leave him. The other night I actually had one where I had to wait for him to go to work and take the kids and leave. In the dream, we were staying at a friend of a friend’s, my mom was there (and very negative about Ches), and then Parker started walking. I insisted that I had to call Ches and tell him because even though we were having problems, he still needed to know about this milestone. I woke up feeling the pain of a failed marriage and wondering why in the world I would dream that. Sometimes these vivid dreams are really funny, othertimes not so much.
…Eaten an entire batch of brownies in one evening? On Sunday a teenager in our ward brought over a plate of brownies for me because I had picked her and her two younger siblings up as they were walking home from school a few days earlier. Now, it’s been extremely hot, and this family lives right around the corner from us, so they are quite literally on the way. It’s so not a big deal. I have the extra room for three more people, so why not? She was so grateful she made me brownies. Of course I shared them with my family!! But I still ate the majority. And they were gone by bedtime.
…Actually counted how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? My brother and sister and I did on a long car ride once. It was in the hundreds, I remember that. I also remember that it made our tongues tired because when you are eating a Tootsie Pop, you aren’t actually licking it the entire time, you know? You stick it in your mouth and suck on it a lot more than you lick it. And then we were posed with the question of whether the lick had to consist of the entire circumfrence of the Tootsie Pop or of just one side of the Tootsie Pop. So I think that the commercial actually had it right when they said, “The world may never know.”
Hillbilly Baby, Adoring Husband, Thunder and Lightening
Happy Wednesday everyone! My Three Beautiful Things for today are:
1. The big but really cute gap between Parker’s top two front teeth. It’s just adorable! He’s the cutest hillbilly ever.
2. My husband married a very thin woman, but she is now obese (according to her BMI). He still loves his wife and is attracted to his wife, no matter how aweful she thinks she looks. My husband is the best there ever was.
3. Thunder and lightening at night. I don’t know if it rained, but I was up late doing some laundry and a loud clap of thunder made me jump in fright. However, I love the sounds of thunder and the flashes of light from lightening. It gives me some comfort when I go to bed and fall asleep.
