Chocolate Phoenix

Erica, I have to have an entire post to talk about your last comment. You stated that the woman may have had a point about SAHMs not going to college because it is a waste of time, money, and space, right? Well, here is why I believe you are wrong.

When I was in college, I was actually confronted by a girl who found out my “big” plans in life were to be a mom. She said, “You just want to stay home? Why are you here wasting my time then?”

My response? “I’m not wasting YOUR time. I’m here for an education.” I didn’t say anything else to her because I knew it would be fruitless. I can, however, elaborate to you.

Just because a woman plans on staying home to raise her kids does NOT mean that it will happen. At the time of this incident, I didn’t have any kids, and I wasn’t pregnant. You may remember I had a very hard time getting pregnant with Aiden, and I went through times where I had to wonder if we even would have children. My body is just not “normal” when it comes to reproduction. So… should I have just sat at home, waiting to get pregnant? Or try to enrich my life?

Also, I remember Mom having to go back to school to get her degree because she was divorced with three little kids to support. Before she and my dad divorced, she was a SAHM. But things happen. Mom mentioned in her comment divorce, injury, and death. You never know what life it going to throw at you, so you should be prepared. That means getting your college education and getting your degree.

Lastly, just because I stay at home, does that mean I should be ingnorant? NO! I chose to go to college to get and EDUCATION. I enjoyed college very much… as much for what went on in the classroom as for all the fun/crazy things I did with my friends and roommates. In the Church we are encouraged to get an education, and to always keep learning. SAHMS use their educations everyday. No, we’re not sitting in corporate meetings or whatever, but we are (usually!) smart women who have a lot to contribute to society. I refuse to be labeled as “barefoot and pregnant” because that implies ignorance and stupidity. I don’t believe I am either ignorant or stupid.

It is not a waste of time because I use my education, even if I’m not getting paid for it. It is not a waste of space because most women work at some point anyway, and they need to learn the same things as women who never plan on staying home. It’s not a waste of money because if you get an education, I believe it’s always worth it.

As far as our Mormon culture… yes, we all expect to get married and have kids. Yes, there is a lot of married student housing at BYU and the like. No, not every college or university has married student housing. So what? Yes, we get married young in our culture, but who’s to say that’s completely wrong? If it is right for you to get married at 21, then it’s right for you. If it’s right for you to get married at 35, then it’s right for you. You have to make the best decisions for YOU. That includes marriage, children, and work. Just because you and your friends at BU don’t know of any undergrads that are married doesn’t mean they don’t exist. They do. Young marrieds tend to hang out with other young marrieds, anyway. (Singles and marrieds tend to find they don’t share the same interests a lot of the time…. but that’s another post for another time).

Oh, and just because I’m a SAHM right now doesn’t mean I’m not going back to work later. You know that I am a teacher by trade. I loved teaching. A lot. But I just think that being at home with my kids right now is more important for me. When they are older, I totally plan on teaching again… not because I have to, but because I WANT to.

I love to write on my blog. I really do. I just don’t have the energy to keep up with this right now. I don’t have the energy to even turn the computer on each day. So I don’t. I don’t want to hear that whirring sound coming from the tower. I don’t want to deal with Dallin wanting to help me type or Aiden wanting to sit on the bed behind me playing XBox. I just want to sit on the couch and watch some TV, maybe take a nap, or read a book.

I just finished reading “The Red Tent” by Anita Diamant. I had heard of this book before (it was a New York Times best seller, afterall), and I had heard a lot of good things about it. It really was interesting to read, but I’m not sure if I would recommend it to most of you. If you want to hear some of the story of Jacob, Rebekah, Leah, Joseph (and his 11 brothers), but you are strict into what the Bible says about the story, I don’t think you’ll like it. That said, it really was a good a read. I like to read things that don’t get me too caught up in word usage, but still makes me have to think. I like to use my brain.

The other book I just finished reading is “Leaving Patrick” by Prue Leith. also a good read. Apparantly the author normally writes cookbooks, so there is definitely a good description of food in the book, but it certainly doesn’t overtake the story (which is what I heard happened in the book “Under the Tuscan Sun”… apparantly it went on and on describing food and had very little left in the story. Wonder how they made a movie out of that.). This was a fun read, but careful, ladies! I know some of you won’t like some of the sex talk. It’s not too descriptive, but there is a bit of it in there. And I liked the ending. It’s nice to read a book and have it end just the way you think it should!

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Dallin finally figured out how to clap on Tuesday! He normally loves to take a hold of my thumbs and clap my hands together, so I’ve been trying to show him how to clap his own hands together. It’s so adorable. We went to winterguard rehearsal that afternoon, and some kids were playing on the drums (which both of my boys absolutely love). Dallin would listen for a moment, then smile really big and clap.

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Aiden’s newest phrase has come from something you would hardly believe. HA! Of course he gets it from Star Wars. Last week I told him to do something (like “Get down off of the bookshelf!” or something similar). What was Aiden’s reply??

“You are not my father.”

I couldn’t help but laugh the first time because it was so unexpected. I responded with, “No, but I am your mother, so you must do as I say. And your father will certainly hear about this!”

Thank you, Star Wars, for giving my 3-year-old ammunition and the know-how to talk back. This is a very new thing.

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On Good Morning America the other morning they had a segment about the “mommy wars”. It was interesting as they had some author touting her new book and research saying that stay-at-home mothers are horrible women, boring women, and doing a disservice to working mothers and are bad examples to young daughters. She used her reading of “online journals” to read the SAHM’s descriptions of their days and said, “This cannot be fulfilling. These supposedly smart women are boring and do not live up to their potential.” She even stated that it is a waste to send women to university to get degrees if they are not going to use their education. Oh, and she said that SAHMs are selfish and having more than one child is selfish if you are a working mother.

I am not going to comment any more on this “woman” other than to say that she is sadly mistaken. She is trying to pick some sort of fight that really doesn’t need to exist, and she obviously has no children of her own. I consider myself a SAHM, but I also work part time here and there (color guard isn’t exactly a steady job, you know). I had just read an article in Redbook magazine talking about the “mommy wars” and they have found that most women just want to do what is best for their family and they try not to judge other women for their choices. In the past there has been two general camps: the SAHMs and the Working Moms. However, they have found more and more women that are more of “in-betweens”. People like me who stay home, but work part time or have really flexible schedules.

Mothers of the world, rejoice that we have a choice to stay home, work part-time, or work full-time. No one can make the decision for you and your family except for you, and don’t let anyone get you down about your decision. We are all just trying to do the best that we can, right?

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Which reminds me… At band rehearsal last night we had to fill out some forms with our names and such to put on the concert program in April. We were also to fill in our occupation (or retired from occupation, as is the case for about half the band). At first I penciled in my occupation as “mother”, but I decided to make it a little fancier. I erased that and wrote “domestic engineer”. After rehearsal, as Ches and I were leaving, one of the other trumpet players came to me, just laughing and laughing.

“I just read what you wrote as your occupation,” he said. “That’s so great! Good one!”

Man, I sure wish I could say it was an original thought, but it’s not. I wonder if that’s what Mack will actually have put on the program next to my name, and what people will catch it as they read it. Have to wait until April to find out, I guess!

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Tomorrow I’m going to my quilting group. We are making a lap quilt with different 12 inch blocks so we can learn a lot of different techniques. I’m so excited. And now I must get the kids and go to the fabric store! WOOT!!

I guess we all have to do it at some point, right? As much as I love my blog and am so addicted to reading all ya’ll’s blogs, I have a LOT on my plate right now: personal crisis, being sick, winter guard, the winter doldrums… I just can’t do everything. So my blog will suffer. I hope to get on and post at least once a week still, but we’ll see. I’ll also be getting on to read everyone else every few days, so no talking about me behind my back (unless you use code words, in which case I won’t know you’re talking about me. So you can’t refer to me as Grace during all this, Cara.). Don’t forget about me, online friends! I shall return in full force… in a few weeks, I guess (I gotta get through February!!).

In other news: I got a beautiful boquet of tulips for Valentine’s Day… the box says “Fresh from the farm”. I absolutely adore them. Red, pink, and white. The message on the card was simple, but beautiful. When my husband does it, he sure does it right!

My mom now has a blog, for those of you interested (because she’s been stalking you and stuff!!). You can find her here.

My great friend, Camille, arrives tomorrow!!! She’ll be here until Monday, and I couldn’t be more excited. I have no idea what we’re going to do while she’s here, but it will be nice just to have her here. It’s the first time in my married life to have a friend come a long distance just to visit me and my family. I’ve made plenty of trips to see others, but no one has ever come to see me. This makes me happy.

This is for doctor’s offices. I’m sure there are a lot of you out there, like me, who screens their phone calls. I have caller ID now, so I just look at the number and ignore it. Before I had caller ID, if I didn’t feel like answering the phone, I didn’t. If it was someone I actually liked, then I would answer the phone (if they bothered to leave a message, that is. Otherwise, how would I know?).

When we were first living in Preston, Ches’ stepgrandmother (an aweful woman who we had to put up with for unknown reasons) would call at 8 in the morning to ask me a question. Now, I wasn’t working at the time, I didn’t have kids, and we lived in the middle of a cow pasture (okay, okay, not in the middle, but just about. I named the cows that were just outside my backyard because I was so bored). To me, 8 am was really early, so yes, I was often still asleep. Stepgranny would start talking and talking. She would bring up family business that was really none of my business. She would insult family members. She would try to persuade me to do things that I had no interest in, or take furniture or belongings from her (more like buy than take). Once I finally got her off the phone, she would call me right back — within 15 seconds — and say “Oh, I forgot…” and continue on for another 20 minutes! Argh! So I stopped answering my phone and would pretend I had gone out.

Sorry, I got a little sidetracked there. Back to the matter at hand.

When I call a doctor’s office, I expect someone to answer the phone! Especially since they don’t have a machine to pick up and take a message! I need a new prescription written, and since my other doctor has gone AWOL, I thought I’d try my OB/GYN who gave me this prescription in the first place. And he’s super nice. I know that you don’t actually go to an OB/GYN for this kind of medication, but I have no insurance, I have no other doctor, and I need a new script written! So yesterday I called, got to the right extension, and let it ring about 10 times before I hung up. I called again later, let it ring even longer, and someone picked up.

“Hi, I need a prescription written please.”

“And who is your doctor?”

“Dr. Johnson.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“No! It’s…”

“Is this for birth control?”

“No, it’s…”

“Then what is it for?”

“Well, it’s kind of complicated.”

“Okay, the nurses are on call until 4:30, and will call you back.”

So I waited. I had to go to my rehearsal, and of course it was at that time that the nurse called back, and left a message for me. She gave me the regular phone number. Today I have called three times and let it ring at least 15 times each time. No answer. No what do I do? I’ll keep calling, but what if I still can’t get through?

I am so tired of everything being so hard.